Seems much of the discussion on single parenting focuses on the hurdles and the difficulties. No doubt, there are a few additional obstacles in our way as we parent. Still, I felt it was appropriate to take a short breath and look at some advantages to the whole single parenting thing.

I went poking around with that thought in mind and hit upon a “good online list”:http://www.metlife.com/Applications/Corporate/WPS/CDA/PageGenerator/0,4132,P988,00.html put up by MetLife, of all things. There are also other topical links on the page the you can scroll for related tips and suggestions.

I do hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year.

A colleague asked me an interesting question today: “What do you do for New Year’s Eve when you have two young kids?”

We do the same thing we used to do B.C. (Before Children): Not much.

Well actually, we now go to church for an evening service that wraps up about midnight with a wonderful dessert party. And then we go home and go to bed. B.C., we stayed home, played music and watched the ball drop on TV and went to bed.

We kind of like it that way. We’re not hard partyers and to tell you the truth, my days of staying up past midnight are pretty much over. I like being introspective on New Year’s Eve—thinking about the past year, what’s changed, what’s the same, and what’s to come—and crazy partying messes up that quiet time for me.

We continue our celebration on New Year’s Day. Typically, we go to the movies with the boys (I’m hoping to see “Dreamgirls” – is that OK for a 12-year-old and 8-year-old?), followed by a home-cooked dinner featuring pork, black-eyed peas, cornbread and greens.

What are your plans for New Year’s Eve/Day?

One of the gifts that my 12-year-old son (soon to be 13 – yikes!) requested for Christmas was…. an earring. Oh, and he wanted to be allowed to have his ear pierced, too. Didn’t happen.
Now to be clear: I’m not at all against men wearing earrings—the operative word here being “men.” My husband’s ear is pierced, but he only wears his hoop on weekends, not to work. And, he got his ear pierced when he was all of 27 years old, while we were honeymooning in Barbados.

I don’t have a rational reason for not wanting my son to have an earring, except that I’m not fond of the look for boys. I know he has many friends who have one or both ears pierced, but I just don’t want it for him. I’ve told him that he can do whatever he wants once he’s an adult (21), but I’m not in favor of it for now. My husband doesn’t seem to mind the idea of a son with pierced ears, but he keeps telling our boys that this decision is my call.

What do you think? Ear piercings for boys? Yay or nay? And why?

When is a child old enough to be left home alone? Well, here’s a story by my colleague Rich Liebson that is scheduled to appear in tomorrow’s editions of The Journal News:

White Plains police reported that a 10-year-old boy dialed 911 yesterday, complaining that his mother was forcing him to do homework. When officers responded to the Ferris Avenue apartment, they found that the youngster’s mom had left him home while she went to work. In fact, she called to check up on her son while police were in the apartment. The woman was eventually charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a misdemeanor.

This is an issue we will all have to deal with as parents. Is 10 too young? I think it is. What do you think?

For the past several years, my family and I have made a point of attempting to celebrate the African-American holiday, Kwanzaa, which begins today.

I say that we “attempt” to do this, because I often feel that we don’t fully celebrate the holiday. For instance, we light the candles in the kinara, but we may not do it every day for eight days. We talk about the seven principles—  Umoja (unity), Kujichagulia (self-determination), Ujima (collective work and responsibility), Ujamaa (cooperative economics), Nia (purpose), Kuumba (creativity) and Imani (Faith)—but we don’t necessarily have a big feast (karamu) at the end of the celebration. To learn more about the holiday, take a look at this “story”:http://lohud.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061226/LIFESTYLE01/612260306/1031, published today in The Journal News.

Nevertheless, I really like Kwanzaa. Gifts, if they’re given at all, are to be handmade. Foods served are simple. And the emphasis is on talking about improving oneself, deepening one’s faith and enriching one’s family and local community—aspirations that we try to keep going in our family all year long.

Do you celebrate Kwanzaa? What traditions have you added to your celebration?

Hope everyone who celebrates it had a great Christmas morning. I wonder how some of you other single parents and divorced parents are juggling the kid duties.

As for me, I put the presents out after my son was asleep as usual. This morning, he woke me up at 7:30 a.m. with the expected—and very welcome—anticipation of a child on Christmas.

Then the single parent issues take effect. My son called his mom, and we waited for her to arrive before he started opening presents. This is what we do every year. As I’ve said before, she’s Jewish, so it’s a holiday I always have with him.

Anyway, we opened the presents and even played a quick game of Clue before she left. Now he’s playing with his presents, particular an X-Box game he really wanted. Next, we’ll get dressed and head to his mom’s for a bit. He has some presents there as well.

(I should add that we had dinner at my cousin’s house last night with my family and some lifelong friends. Being Cuban, our big feast was always Christmas Eve, or Noche Buena, as we call it. It’s important to have that link to my side of the family and I’ve been fortunate to do that every year. Last year I made the meal myself and had my ex, her fiance, his son and some friends with their kids come over. This year, it was at my cousin’s house, as it has been in prior years. As a bonus, we were able to catch “It’s a Wonderful Life” after we got him and before bed last night, which my son had not seen before, believe it or not.

Well, back to today’s schedule: After visiting my ex, it’s off to my girlfriend’s house, as we have presents for her son and her parents, and no doubt there is more for my son there as well. The maybe dinner there with her family, then back here to play with his presents, then bed (eventually).

A bit dizzying, huh? Well, that’s the way it works with these situations. The thing is it appears entirely normal to me by now, and I’ve come to enjoy the growing multitude of required visits, particularly as there are now presents stashed all over the Lower Hudson Valley for my son.

I suppose my point is that it’s an adjustment, but it can become a welcome routine, even if it’s not the traditional series of events that we grew up familiar with. You can sort of make your own tradition, and work in the standard ones where you can. The only rule is make it about the kids.

Once again, Merry Christmas to everyone out there, and my fellow bloggers as well. I hope you’ll all keep reading and chime in at will. Would love feedback. Enjoy the day.

YouTube might be many things to many people, but to my Pumpkin, it just might be a lifesaver if we are ever in a car crash.

That’s because, like most parents, I had planned to switch my daughter to a forward-facing convertible car seat once she reached 20 pounds. That weight and reaching 1 year of age is the minimum requirement to turn a baby around. But after I watched this video on YouTube, I changed my mind. I hope this post will change yours, too, if you have a toddler who weighs between 20 and 33 pounds.

The excellent video highlights the advice of child safety experts who are in agreement that rear-facing is the safest position. It also includes three crash-test videos that show how dramatically different are the experiences of toddlers in rear- and front-facing seats. The crash test dummy facing the rear moves hardly at all, while the dummy facing forward has really scary head and spine movements. “I know we’d like to be able to turn around and see Madison’s pretty face in the backseat but her safety just isn’t worth the risk,” says the author of the video.

The Consumer Products Safety Commission says rear-facing is the safest position a child can ride in. On this terrific resource page, the commision notes: “Children should not be turned forward-facing until they reach the maximum rear-facing limits of a convertible seat.”

This next part is very important information that I had no clue about:

“While most parents are aware that they must keep their children rear-facing ‘until they are AT LEAST 1 year old AND 20 lbs,’ very few are told that there are significant safety benefits when a child remains rear-facing as long as the seat allows. For most children, rear-facing can and should continue well into the second year of life.”

Rear-facing car seats protect children from the most common and dangerous type of crash: the front-end collision. Rear-end collisions account for just 4 percent of crashes. What’s worse, the force of a front-end crash is much greater. The commission said a frontal crash is the same as hitting a concrete barrier.

An organization called Car-Safety.org has a great explanation of the physical forces involved in a front-end crash on its Web site. This stuck out to me: “In a serious frontal crash with a front-facing carseat, the head and legs of the child are thrown forward like a rag doll, and serious forces are put on the child’s spinal cord.”

The organization also gives some important assurance for parents worried about keeping their kids rear-facing: “Rear-facing carseats are NOT a safety risk just because a baby’s legs are bent at the knees or because they can touch/kick the vehicle seat.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics agrees: “If a car safety seat accommodates children rear facing to higher weights, for optimal protection, the child should remain rear facing until reaching the maximum weight for the car safety seat.”

There have been a few stories on this in the media. Check out this story from MSNBC and this one on iVillage.

Reading about all of this influenced which car seat I bought for Pumpkin, now that she’s nearly too big for her Graco SnugRide. I ended up buying the Britax Boulevard, which is the top-of-the-line rear-facing model. (It’s the car seat pictured above.) It was not inexpensive (about $299), but I thought about all the money we spend on things so much less important than Pumpkin’s safety, and I felt this would be the best Christmas gift I could give her. So, under the tree this year, from me anyway, she has a pretty modest haul of some books, a wood puzzle, a CD and a stuffed toy. But down in our foyer, waiting to be installed in our car, is the best gift I can give her: safety.

A year ago for Christmas, my daughter received a Vtech Rhyme & Discover electronic storybook from her grandmother. (See photo at right.) From the start, I didn’t like it. It was loud. The singing voice was grating. (I can still hear it in my mind as I write this. “Twinkle. Twinkle. Little Star. You’re a little star!” Shudder.) It was a toy I would never have purchased. But my daughter loved it. L-O-V-E-D it. It was endlessly entertaining to her. She loved pushing the buttons and turning the plastic pages to hear different songs. What could I do? I let her play with it as often as she liked.

Slowly, but surely, my house has started to fill with other tech toys, a couple of which I even purchased. This means that sometimes, when she activates more than one at a time, the cacophony of things that blink, sing, chirp and warble is truly ear-splitting. Some of the toys are terrific. A few are horrible. But today, none are her favorite toys. That honor is reserved for a set of 10 stacking/nesting cups and a Fisher-Price Noah’s Ark. Neither has a computer chip inside.

The whole experience of watching Pumpkin interact with toys over the past year and a half has gotten me thinking about the debate between high-tech and traditional toys that’s playing out in the marketplace. Companies such as Vtech and LeapFrog are introducing new computer-based toys that promise to teach kids numbers, letters and colors. At the same time, there’s been a surge of interest in wooden toys by companies such as Melissa & Doug.

(One neat sidenote. When I e-mailed Doug about an interview, he wrote this back: “We’d love to spend a bunch of time talking with you about this, unfortunately we’re ‘running’ out to the hospital for the arrival of Melissa’s baby (# 5, yikes!).” I have to give him a lot of credit. I don’t think anyone has ever gotten back to me in those circumstances. I was impressed.)

Back to the tech toy debate: I first became exposed to this divide more than a decade ago when a friend enrolled her son in a Waldorf school. If you’re not familiar with the organization, check out its Web page here. The group’s national headquarters is in Rockland County. The Waldorf folks don’t believe in commercial toys of any sort. They like children to use natural materials like stones, cloths, sticks and wooden shapes to play in purely imaginative way. The idea is that a child’s mind sees a spaceship in an evocatively shaped piece of wood instead of a literal piece of plastic molded at the factory.

I never really considered this path for Pumpkin, mainly because it seems so impossible to wall someone off from the world, which is what you’d have to do. When I interviewed the Waldorf experts, they pointed out that once a child is stimulated by an electronic toy, it’s hard to go back to a traditional toy. That said, I have mixed feelings about some of the high-tech toys around my house. One in particular, an electronic drum, is especially irritating because it’s so needy. It would be fine if it would play music and flash lights when Pumpkin actually hit it. But after just one tap, it goes off into a long medley that doesn’t stop, even when Pumpkin is across the room playing with another toy.

Now, as a technology reporter and fan of computers, I am not anti-technology. As a child of the 1970s, I grew up playing with crayons, dolls, TinkerToys, Lincoln Logs, Legos and Lite-Brite. My favorite toy was my portable record player. Now, I use a computer every day of my life. I have an iPod. I even admit to loving some video games like WarCraft III (not that I have time for them anymore). But I can see the need for balance. Pumpkin’s first high-tech toy was an iPod that she listened to in her incubator. Earlier this year, I wrote about introducing her to baby software that she can enjoy while sitting on my lap. (This was mostly a response to her crawling over and pulling on my leg while I’m trying to work.) I’ve even admitted to using Baby Einstein videos as an electronic babysitter from time to time. But I have resisted the lure of other tech products, and probably will for a while. And even though I don’t anticipate enrolling Pumpkin in a Waldorf school, I’m planning to adopt the idea of a using a basket of colorful cloths for play. (Maybe it will save my laundry from finding its way around the house.)

I tried to explore this debate for a story. You can read it tomorrow in the business section of the paper, and I’ll provide a link here when it’s published. In the meantime, you can vote in a poll on the topic in our forums and share your opinions with readers of this blog. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you bought your son or daughter a trampoline for Christmas, you’ll be taking it back after watching this video. Or, at the very least, you won’t atach a basketball net to it! (Warning: The video will make you cringe.)

Via BloggingBaby.

When I joined this blog I sought to provide the additional perspective of not only a single parent, but a father as well. With that in mind, I found “a quick link here”:http://www.childcareaware.org/en/dailyparent/volume.php?id=21 on the home page of The Daily Parent, in this instance dealing with fatherhood. The Daily Parent is a good site for general advice on a variety of topics, and you can scroll through a number of issues. You can access their newsletters and get other information online “on their homepage”:http://www.childcareaware.org/en/dailyparent/ here. You can also learn more about the sponsors on the page.

Anyway, I do hope to post on another topic soon, namely more advice on handling the holiday season. I think it can be a particularly sad time for single parents. I always wonder how other single parents handle the holidays with their children, and how arrangements are made with the ex. This is genuinely one of those situations where I believe the circumstances may vary greatly, but whenever possible the end result should always be the same: Make it as inclusive as you can for the kids’ sake. Thoughts?

I have a week of vacation beginning Saturday, and in addition to finishing up holiday shopping and wrapping presents, I hope to bake at least one batch of cookies. The question is: What to make?

Looking back on our family’s traditional cookie recipes, they all seem to include nuts of some kind. To prevent allergies, I’m not serving Pumpkin any peanuts or tree nuts until she’s 2. So, that rules out favorites like thumbprints (rolled in walnuts), Mexican wedding cakes (walnuts, again), and cupcake cookies (pecans). Chocolate chip cookies also are problematic because while the chips are gooey and soft when they’re warm, they get rather hard when they cool — definitely not friendly to people without molars.

I know one good option: sugar cookies, but to be honest, I just can’t spend that much time (refrigerating, rolling, cutting out, baking carefully, decorating, etc.). I am looking for a fairly easy, tasty, nut-free cookie that will appeal to a toddler. Any suggestions?

I’m wrapping up a big story on the debate over the benefits of traditional versus high-tech toys, so I don’t have enough time for a proper post, but I just couldn’t resist directing you all to a hilarious feature in Radar magazine that lists the “10 most dangerous toys of all time.” The hazards of the toys — including radiation! (I’m not kidding!) — make me glad I’m researching the merits of LeapFrog and Melissa & Doug! I’ll blog more about the toy debate story when it appears on Thursday.

Thanks to BloggingBaby for the tip.

Last week, we published a story I did about how the third floor of The Westchester has become a magnet for parents who want to combine shopping at almost 20 kids stores with entertainment like story hour and exercise. Today, the daily Webcast features an interview I did with Tony Aiello of CBS News about the feature. You can check out my original blog post here.

I’d still like to know your opinions — is The Westchester the best place to shop for kids, or is there another destination you prefer?

Here’s something that just hit home with me, simply because my mom was up from Miami for a visit last weekend. Schedules being what they are, it was the first time in over two years that she had been able to see my son. My dad, who did not make the trip, still hasn’t seen him in over two years, dating to a trip to Disneyworld my son and I made.

But it raises an issue for discussion for single parents over children having access to both sets of grandparents. I always had a good relationship with my ex in-laws, and my son remains close with his mom’s parents. Distance makes it so he doesn not have as much access to my parents. Still, I have always felt fortunate that my son continues to have a close relationship with his maternal grandparents.

If there’s any rule on this, I’d say it’s something worth making an effort on. I’ve posted before about the importance of burying the hatchet with your ex in general. I think part of that should involve access to grandparents—particularly with the holidays coming up.

So, here are a couple of suggestions I’ve come up with from speaking to a few single parents I know:

First, take the very basic step of having your children on the phone with your ex’s parents on a regular basis. If you feel being around your ex’s parents is counter-productive in any way, then at least use the phone now and again. The relationship is important to kids. Trust me.

Second, arrange “playdates” of sorts with your ex’s parents, so your children can spend some face time. If your spouse isn’t around, that’s fine also. That’s another issue. But make the time. And when you’re around the grandparents, avoid discussing the split, if at all possible. Make it about the kids.

Third, discuss your child’s heritage. Talk about both sets of grandparents, where they’re from, family histories, etc. That sort of information gives a child a stronger sense of self and provides a link to his grandparents in a significant way.

Finally, go out of your way to have your children do projects for your ex’s parents. By that I mean home-made birthday cards, holiday cards, etc. You benefit from the activity as a parent, and your child is creating a bond.

Of course, this goes double for your own parents. I know a few single parents who have strained relationships with their own parents. Get over it. As I said earlier, make it about the kids. Your kids are worth you biting your lip for a couple of hours every week or two. But that’s me.

We live in the northeast United States.

It gets cold here in the winter months.

So why, pray tell, won’t children – pardon, TEENAGERS – wear coats now?

This hasn’t directly affected me yet (my older son marks being a teenager next month and my youngest doesn’t give clothes much thought), but I’m told by friends and colleagues that wearing a coat has become completely anathema to a lot of teens. Even though my son will wear a coat without a prodding, he does enjoy wearing just a basketball jersey and shorts beneath it, usually right after game. But I think that’s more about wanting to bypass changing clothes than anything else.

At least this December, it’s been pretty warm. A friend told me her 12-year-old son hasn’t given up wearing shorts since school began in September. Wearing shorts make his legs feel “free,” he maintains. Who needs “free” legs when it’s freezing? Another friend says her son was actually upset that she bought him a new winter coat. Hey, I’m happy to accept a new coat. Camelhair, please.

This whole shunning the coat thing is a trend that I’m simply not understanding.

Can anyone explain it to me?