I’ve spent a bit of time on the blogs discussing the difficulties and challenges of single parenting. But let’s be honest, there are some upsides to the whole thing as well.

I got to thinking in more detail about this after a discussion with a married mom at the office. The context was that she was talking about her teenager, and she said that she and her husband won’t go away on vacation any more and leave their son home alone for fear of the typical mischief that can occur in such situations.

Well, much as I dread the coming teen years, it’s not a problem for me or others in a single-parent situation where both parents share custody. If I schedule a trip away, all I need to do is make arrangements with my ex and we’re good to go. That way the little trouble-maker-to-be will have to fight the temptation to misbehave too much. There’s just a comfort zone there.

Obviously, it’s not the case for truly single parents who go it alone. There’s just always a catch, it seems.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is reporting that the flu is spreading rapidly around the country. The illness is “widespread” in 24 states, including New York, according to the latest report for the week ended Feb. 17.

Here’s a chart (red states have “widespreadâ€? activity):

We developed pretty good germ-fighting skills last year during Pumpkin’s first winter as a fragile little preemie. In fact, all of our hands got a bit raw from all the washing. And we have cleaning wipes in abundance. We also ask (politely, but firmly) all guests to immediately wash their hands when they visit. So far this winter (knock on available wood), my immediate family has escaped serious illness. But I’m hearing about sickness among my in-laws’ and friends’ children.

What about the rest of you parents? Have your kids been laid up? Yourself? How are you juggling the stay-at-home duties when they’re sick? Are you using up your own sick days to care for them?

I am going to be in big trouble when Pumpkin gets older. Already, at just over a year and a half, she is strategizing to get around the rules of the house — and not showing any remorse when her plots are thwarted, either.

There are a couple of bookshelves, you see, that are off limits. One of them has adult nonfiction — biographies and such of no interest to people who prefer board books with touch-and-feel fur. The other shelf has computer discs, CDs and other related stuff we don’t want her getting into. She is well aware these bookshelves are to be left alone, and probably for that reason, she is utterly fascinated by them. Now, she knows that if she touches the books or discs, she will get a “No.” So, here is her scam: She puts her own toy animals or blocks on the shelves — next to the things she’s not supposed to touch. This way, she’s sort of saying, “Hey, this is my stuff. I am allowed to play with it.” And the darned thing is, her tactics work. But then, she pushes it. She’ll start touching the books, say, with her toy, nudging them a little deeper into the shelf.

It’s very hard, as you can imagine, to impose discipline on behavior so cunning and cute. Yet, we try. Stifling laughter, we say, “No, those are mommy’s books. Your books are over here.” As a very young toddler, Pumpkin pretty much gets a pass on punishment. But, just wait until she actually speaks and understands English. Then, we’ll see about a time out when she pulls this stunt.

Please share any of our own tales of toddlers and older children exploring the bounds of discipline and how you managed to keep from smiling in the face of charming willfulness.

Keeping an active toddler entertained is a full-time job — and even then it’s a challenge. My mother helps me with Pumpkin while I’m working, but despite a bevy of toys and books, the two of them can run out of things to do. After all, after a morning playing ball, reading board books, building towers with blocks, having conversations with the animals from Noah’s Ark and sorting shapes, what’s left for the afternoon?

To figure out an answer to that question, I recently purchased “The Toddler’s Busy Book: 365 Creative Games and Activities to Keep Your 1 1/2- to 3-Year-Old Busy” by Trish Kuffner. There’s a nice introduction with suggestions for stuff to include in a “busy box,” “rainy day box” and “job jar.” Lest you worry about child labor laws, the “jobs” include tasks like stacking towels and picking up toys. I really liked the two pages listing stuff to save that can be used in play, including aluminum foil, bubble wrap, cereal boxes, milk cartons, old toothbrushes, paper towel tubes, empty soda bottles, thread spools, wrapping paper scraps — and many more.

The activities in the book are sorted by type, like “Rainy Day Play,” “Early Learning Fun” and “Outdoor Adventures.” A lot of the activities are pretty simple to arrange, but have the potential to be a lot of fun. I went through the book and put Post-Its on the pages with ideas suitable for someone just over a year and a half old. A lot of the ideas are too advanced for Pumpkin now, but will be worth a try when she gets older.

One really, really easy idea is giving your toddler the sheets to play with on the day when you change the beds. The sheets can be used to make forts and tents. A more elaborate idea that I’m keen to try involves an empty 16-ounce soda bottle. You’re supposed to fill the bottle one-third full with water and add a few drops of food coloring and glitter. You fill the rest of the bottle with baby oil, and voilà, it’s a “wave bottle.â€? (Kuffner wisely suggests gluing the cap shut.)

My mom already tried one idea: Line up empty soda bottles and “bowl” with a large ball. As a real bowler, I think my mom was keen to get Pumpkin started on the hobby. I didn’t get to see the game, but I heard it was a hoot.

If your kids are past the toddler years, Kuffner has also written several other idea books for older children, including “The Wiggle & Giggle Busy Book: 365 Creative Games & Activities to Keep Your Child Moving and Learning” and “The Children’s Busy Book: 365 Creative Games and Activities to Keep Your 7- to 9-year Old Busy.”

Have you ever used an activity book with your child? What books can you recommend to parents reading this blog?

This morning, I dropped both of my sons off at the “YWCA of White Plains and Central Westchester,”:http://www.ywcawhiteplains.org/ which runs a “Vacation Camp” that offers kids a place to play, swim, do arts and crafts, watch movies and just generally be safe and entertained while their parents are at work.

I realize now that it’s a fine program from my 8-year-old, but my 13-year-old is one of the oldest – if not THE oldest – kid there. Since he’s been going to that YW for the past 11 years, he’s comfortable there, but I’m afraid he’s “aging out” of the Vacation Camp.

That’s fine, but what’s next? I’ve asked him what his friends are doing during this week’s winter vacation, to see what my other options are. Some are going to work with their parents. Others are at home, playing video games most of the day. Some went away with their families. A few are doing daily “fun” events like movies, etc. A friend mentioned to me that her daughter began doing volunteer work during vacations, but I’m not sure what kind of organization would willingly assume responsibility for a 13-year-old “volunteer” for an entire week.

What are you doing with your ‘tweens and other children this week?

This weekend, my 13-year-old son was sick, with an ear infection, of all things. He has had perhaps three such infections his entire life (thank goodness!), so my husband and I don’t have a lot of experience with these things.

While it was unnerving to see this boy, who plays basketball nearly 24/7, lay listlessly on the couch all weekend, it was also unnerving to have to cross another milestone: swallowing pills.

At 13, he is now too old for the dosages listed with “children’s” medicine bottles, so he has to take “adult” medicines. And most adult medicines don’t come in liquid forms. So the Motrin that the doctor prescribed had to be taken as a pill.

Uh-oh.

He’s never had to take a pill. The few medicines he’s taken have been either liquids or chewable tablets. I stared hard at the shelves at CVS, but I didn’t notice any liquid Motrin for people his age. So, I bought some coated tablets and hoped for the best.

A friend remembered that her mother taught her to take pills by wrapping them in small piece of bread and then getting her swallow that. I kind of recall my grandmother and mother offering me the same advice. Another friend suggested putting the pills in either pudding or applesauce and then having him slurp the medicine with the food.

The doctor didn’t have much advice for teaching a kid to swallow pills. “Tell him to put it way back in his throat and take a big gulp of water,” she said. Thankfully, that actually worked, although there was some initial sputtering.

So far, he seems to be OK with swallowing small, coated pills. But I would imagine that larger pills or capsules might be problematic.Anyone have suggestions for introducing kids to swallowing pills?

Dealing with the discipline of stepchildren or a partner’s children in a single-parent situation is always tricky. There are a number of issues to tackle here, both external and internal. There are divided loyalties, differences in parenting styles, and potential inconsistency in terms of what the rules are for each parent and in the home. Add to that the situations where your child lives in two homes, where rules could differ also. Yikes.
I think there are no hard and fast rules on how to address these issues, but there are good tips that you can mold to your own particular situation. The real issue is communicating, and learning when it’s okay to speak up and when to become involved. As time passes, it needs to become more fluid if the relationship is going to work.

I found a few good articles on the topic, including “this one”:http://life.familyeducation.com/stepfamilies/discipline/47599.html online. Several of the articles I scoured suggested easing into the role, which I think is probably the first bit of advice. It is also important to discuss the situation with your partner. Ultimately, the formula seems to be consistency: You and your partner have to be consistent in your approach to discipline, and the rules have to apply to your children and your partner’s children equally.

I don’t envision that’s as easy as it sounds, particularly, as in my case, when the children are farther apart in age and require different standards to some degree. Still, basic rules have to be observed, and I’m finding that one of the hardest urges to fight is the desire to be discipline-free with your partner’s child. You want the kid to like you, but you need to be a parent there also.

My advice? Be consistent, talk about it long and often with your partner, and, most of all, make sure you are in a comfortable place accepting that your partner will have parental authority over your child. That may be the hardest thing to let go of, don’t you think?

If your baby is using a walker, stop now. That’s the message from Westchester County Executive Andy Spano and District Attorney Janet DiFiore, who issued an alert today about a new campaign to stop parents from endangering their children in baby walkers.

The death of a New Rochelle boy who fell down a flight of stairs while using a walker inspired this effort. The county’s Department of Consumer Protection is distributing brochures and flyers at health clinics, youth programs, day care centers and other places where families with babies gather.

Babies who live in a home with a walker are nine times more likely to suffer a serious injury, according to the county. Children are hurt primarily by falling down stairs, but also get into trouble because a walker gives them access to things they couldn’t reach on their own, like hot stoves and poisons. There are safety standards for new walkers that are supposed to prevent stair injuries, but the Consumer Product Safety Commission has recalled at least 18 baby walkers since 2000. Three out of four of the 3,600 yearly injuries to young children involve infants falling down stairs and suffering head injuries, according to the county. “We need to get the word out about this. Parents are shocked to hear the numbers but they should be a wake-up call for all of us. Sometimes protecting children means educating parents and caretakers,â€? said Gary Brown, director of consumer protection.

Safety experts advise parents to instead choose a stationary activity center without wheels.

I praise Pumpkin too much. I tell her she’s smart, funny and pretty many times a day. Instead of making her feel self-confident, these words will actually backfire. That’s the conclusion of this week’s must-read New York magazine cover story titled, “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise.”

The author, Po Bronson, interviewed psychologist Carol Dweck, whose groundbreaking work shows that children who are praised for innate qualities, like intelligence, avoiding testing those traits because they have too much stake in being “the smart one.” The magazine story quotes from Dweck’s study: “When we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.â€?

Children should instead be praised for their effort, with encouragements like, “I like how you are working so hard on that” and “your practice really paid off in that recital.” Bronson explains how this latest research explodes the culture of constant self-esteem reinforcement championed since the 1969 publication of “The Psychology of Self-Esteem.”

What I found most scary in the article is how too much praise can actually wire the circuits of the brain to become addicted to it. The reward center of the brain will tell a persistent person to “keep trying.” But if those circuits get shorted by too much praise, you’ll simply give up. How do you develop persistence? Intermittent reinforcement. In Bronson’s interview with Dr. Robert Cloninger at Washington University in St. Louis, the researcher who discovered this portion of the brain, he said the brain has to be trained to keep plugging along through obstacles and tough times. “A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear,â€? Cloninger told Bronson.

And I saw myself in Bronson when he admitted that he was having a harder time giving up constant praise than his 5-year-old son was. We don’t spend enough time with our children, he argues, so we try to reinforce our love and support by overabundant praise in the little time we do share. Here’s how he put it: “It turns out that I was the real praise junkie in the family. Praising him for just a particular skill or task felt like I left other parts of him ignored and unappreciated. I recognized that praising him with the universal “You’re great — I’m proud of youâ€? was a way I expressed unconditional love.”

I was so impressed with his insight that I did a little Googling and found Bronson’s Web site and blog. A prolific journalist, he also has a book out titled, “Why Do I Love These People?” about families. (I’m going to order it, and I’ll give you a report.)

What do the rest of you think? Do you feel your praise your children too much? Not enough? I know I’m personally going to make an effort to praise my daughter’s behavior, rather than merely tell her how terrific she is. (I’ll save those thoughts for myself.)

My dearest friend, who I’ve known since ninth grade, is coming to visit this weekend. She’s bringing her Chihuahua, Sabrina, which will make her a very welcome guest indeed to Pumpkin.

I know we’ll enjoy just relaxing and talking, but, somehow, I feel like I should plan an activity, too. The question is: What’s likely to be fun for a very young toddler and a single woman without kids? (And who therefore might be a little less inclined to spend the day on the floor playing with toys.)

I don’t want to give the impression that my friend doesn’t like children. She is a wonderful aunt to her niece and nephew. She has also been terrific with Pumpkin the three times they’ve been together before. (This photo was taken just a month after Pumpkin’s due date.)

But it’s going to be a very cold weekend and we’ll be indoors, so I thought maybe a project would be fun. But I’m not sure what would work for everyone. If Pumpkin were older, there would be options like beading or baking, but as it is, we pretty much are still at the blocks stage.

What about you other moms and dads? What kinds of activities do you plan when you hang out with friends and your kids?

I think I like to bake. I say “I think” because sometimes, I really do like to bake.

But as I sit here at 12:19 a.m., waiting for the oven timer to signal the end of baking a batch of cupcakes for my son’s third-grade class, I’m not so sure that I like baking.

I volunteered to bake cupcakes for the class’ Valentine’s Day party, which is tomorrow. (Uh, that would be today, since it’s now after midnight on Thursday.) I typically don’t mind doing this, except that I forgot all about the cupcakes today, until the thought struck me at about 11 p.m.

I remembered the task well on Sunday afternoon, when I stood in Stop and Shop, looking at a package of 24 beautifully decorated cupcakes, already perfect in a ready-to-carry case, for well under $10. I picked them up. Put them in the cart. Then remembered my son’s words: “I can’t wait to make the cupcakes with you, Mom.” So I put back the pretty, ready-made, easy-to-carry, reasonably priced cupcakes. Instead, I picked up some pink and white sprinkles, cake mix, canned frosting (there is no reason in the world to make cupcakes from scratch for 8-year-olds) and headed home.

Tonight, my son had nothing to do with the baking of these cupcakes, since I  started them long after his bedtime. But since he has a two-hour school delay tomorrow, I’ll save the frosting and sprinkling and we can do that together after he gets up. He’ll be happy. I’ll be sleepy.

But as I sit here, waiting for the timer to ring, I’m really thinking of the beautifully decorated Stop & Shop cupcakes. With the awful weather, I bet they’re still there. My husband even offered to go out and buy them. But no. I promised my child I’d bake for his class, so I’m baking.

Am I crazy? 

With the threat of snow looming, several people have been asking what I plan to do with my boys tomorrow, should school be closed for a snow day.

No, I won’t panic. I actually have a plan.

My husband can work from home, if necessary, and stay with our sons. I will be at work, because as I’m sure you’re aware, a news organization never closes.

But if we both had to go into the office, our main backup is the “YWCA of White Plains and Central Westchester,”:http://ywcawhiteplains.org which runs a full-day program for kids who need someplace to be on snow days. It’s also the place where my youngest son goes for after-school care each day and where my boys went to day care, preschool and day camp, so my boys are definitely comfortable there. It’s really been a second home to them for most of their lives. Also. in a pinch, my father can stay with them, but that’s a lot to ask of their 78-year-old grandfather.

For many families though, a snow day can cause a near catastrophe, particularly if both parents must report to work and if there’s no one around to watch the children.

Where will your kids be tomorrow, if a snow day closes your school?

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Pumpkin. She lived in a grey-and-white house that was surrounded by so many trees that it looked like it was planted instead of built. In the trees, many squirrels lived. But the squirrels were shy, and Pumpkin could only glimpse them from time to time as they hopped through the branches or buried their nuts in the garden. Sometimes Pumpkin’s mommy put out birdseed or peanuts on the patio for the squirrels, but after they ate, they always ran away.

But one day, one squirrel moved a lot closer, right next-door in fact. But this next-door was just a few feet away from the biggest window in Pumpkin’s house. It just so happened that a small blue-and-white house was nailed to one of the trees in Pumpkin’s front yard. It was such a small house that it was clearly intended for creatures with tiny bodies and wings. But no birds had lived in the house for many years. No squirrels lived in it, either, but it was obvious they once did because the opening was gnawed bigger than any bird would need.

One Sunday, when the weather got very cold, a squirrel came and saw the little house and said to himself (or herself, we don’t know), “I think this would make a very snug home. All it needs are a few leaves for insulation.” So Pumpkin and her mommy and daddy watched all day as the squirrel carried leaves to his new home to make it cozy against the chilly wind.

In the weeks that followed, hardly an hour passed that Pumpkin didn’t want to check on what the squirrel was doing. She let her mommy and daddy and grandma know what she wanted by going up to the window and saying, “kitty,” quite loudly. She called the squirrels “kitties” because she only knew how to say about 25 words (“squirrel” wasn’t one of them). Here is a picture of Pumpkin watching the squirrel:

Pumpkin’s mommy and daddy and grandma were happy to lift Pumpkin up to watch the squirrel because they knew how much she loved it. But then there came a day when the squirrel didn’t return home, and then another, and then another. The leaves blew away and the tiny house took on a vacant look.

Pumpkin still asked to see the squirrel, but mommy and daddy had to explain that he moved away. “A house the right size for a bird isn’t big enough for a squirrel,” mommy said, especially when all the other squirrels have the equivalent of McMansions.

Because Pumpkin’s mommy didn’t want to disappoint her little girl, she started searching for squirrel houses on the Internet. She found ones made of wood and ones made of old tires. Mommy even found people who like squirrels as much as Pumpkin who use minature cameras to watch the unwary creatures at rest.

What would happen if Pumpkin’s mommy bought such a house? Would there be a happily ever after? Has anyone out there ever lived the ending to this tale?

Who is your child’s role model?

You’re probably thinking it’s some sports legend or some other celebrity, right? Or maybe someone in history? Not even close.

According to a study released this week by the American Bible Society, nearly 68 percent of 12- to 18-year-olds believe their parents are their most important role models. That’s right: Hurray for Mom and Dad! More than 1,100 children took part in the survey, which was conducted by Weekly Reader on behalf of ABS.

The most important qualities that the kids said they look for in a role model? Honesty, integrity, loyalty and truthfulness. That should make parents proud.

After parents, other role models the kids chose include teachers and coaches (40.6 percent), siblings (40.4 percent), religious leaders (18.7 percent). Athletes and celebrities each came in at under 20 percent! So there, Michael Jordan!

It’s good to see that we’re appreciated—particularly by those who matter most to us.

Who do you think your children’s role models are? You? Some other friend or relative? A celebrity?

Remember the White Plains mom arrested in December for leaving her 10-year-old home alone? Well, the case is all but over.

A city judge ruled today that the 32-year-old mom will have the charges dropped if she stays out of trouble for six months. Given the discussion we had here on this issue, I found the judge’s comments to the mom rather amusing: “You are not to leave the child alone until he reaches an age where he can be alone — whatever age that is.”

See? Even the judge doesn’t have that answer.