A friend who hasn’t stopped by my house since before Pumpkin was born came over recently. Her first words? “I don’t remember your house being this messy.” It’s true: You can divide our home into two stages: pre- and post-baby. Before Pumpkin was born, there wasn’t a bright pink high chair in the kitchen, bibs weren’t hanging on a cupboard knob and a rack of sippies and bottles weren’t drying on the counter. Before Pumpkin, the living room was an adult haven for reading and relaxing by the fire. Now, it’s a playroom, with enough colorful toys and stacks of board books to satisfy a small preschool class. These changes delight our family — but what if I were trying to sell my house? Would a potential buyer be able to see through the clutter to catch the charm of my home? Or would the litter of toys — and, sigh, stray Cheerios — put the kibosh any any deal? It’s a question that faces all parents when they sell their homes, even if the mess has morphed from Elmo dolls to a teenager’s video games, CDs and discarded clothing. I decided to ask someone experienced as both a parent and a real estate agent for her perspective.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Scarsdale resident Claire Civetta, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker and a mom of three children: Alexander, 20; Nicholas, 17; and Christie, 15. Claire knows what it’s like to buy and sell a home when children are in the picture. She offers some hope for parents who can’t purge all their children’s belongings — it turns out that buyers actually like a home with a lived-in look — as long as that doesn’t mean peanut butter-and-jelly smears on the bannister. As a mom who had had to transplant her kids more than once, Claire also offers tips for keeping the emotional upheaval to a minimum — and getting kids excited about a move.

Q: How does your advice for clients about buying and selling a house differ when you are dealing with parents of children living at home?

P: First and foremost, as a professional real estate broker, I carefully listen to my client’s concerns and needs, whether it involves children, pets or elderly parents. As a buyer’s agent, full disclosure regarding the property is appropriate and expected. I will share anything about the property and the location that I think would enhance their family lives. As a selling agent, I educate my seller as to how buyers will view their home. It can be a delicate conversation, especially if there are serious issues that effect the saleability of the home, like a child’s favorite musky smelling ferret, a propensity for toy clutter or a shabby yard. Buyers respond to the house and the environment, therefore it is important to educate the sellers on how a single issue — as simple as making sure the banisters are not sticky — can place the home in a unfavorable light. Years ago, I fell in love with a home because it was filled with books and children. There was not one television in the place, and the mother was sitting on the front porch reading to her children. I wanted that house before I walked in the door.

Q: When a parent is shopping for a new home, what is the best way to involve a child? How does it differ by age?

P: This is truly a personal call. I think getting a child involved “after” the house decision has been made — and if possible after the contracts are signed — is a healthy approach. There is always an immediate emotional response, either positive or negative. If there is a change of school involved, kids are absorbed with so much personal change that the fun stuff, like picking their bedroom or the colors for their room or having their friends participate, gives them control over their new environment. When my daughter was 10, we moved and not only did she pick the color for her new room but together we stenciled butterflies and ladybugs in her bathroom. In another move, I allowed my teenage daughter and her friend to paint her oversized closet. They had a blast putting their purple hand prints all over the walls.

Q: What happens when children accompany their parents to open houses and showings?

P: There is not one agent who does not have a “Saturday from hell” story when unruly kids are brought along for the ride. It is exhausting trying to educate a buyer, highlight a home, sell a location and navigate a child’s demand for attention. Serious buyers need to make good use of their time and remain focused. I help them by involving the kids, like allowing them to be the leader orgiving them one of my cards to hold. If the parents are reluctant to set clear rules as to what is appropriate in someone’s home, I gently set them. If that doesn’t work, I do the “distraction dance.” I have been fortunate that my “Saturday from hell” only involved a child throwing up in my car and not throwing a tantrum.

Q: What do you tell parents about protecting kids from the emotional ups and downs of the real-estate market, which can include getting your heart set on a house only to lose it to another buyer?

P: I believe that any house can be a home. Moving is one of the top three stress inducing changes, along with divorce and death. Exposing children to the adult fears and concerns about if and when a house will sell, or whether a family can afford the next house, is a personal decision. The buyer should know their child’s emotional texture and decide how much detail is appropriate. In my experience, all children — be they grade schoolers or teenagers — do not like the idea of moving, so why add more stress to the mix? Things like scheduling the showing when the kids are in school and having telephone discussions with your real estate agent without your children present can keep the process removed from their day-to-day lives. Once the contracts are signed, sealed and delivered, then the fun can begin.

Q: What about when you are trying to sell your house and your living room is full of Legos or your teenager’s room is a disaster area? How do you get your house in shape for buyers and still allow your kids to be kids?

P: Buyers respond to life. That is why you will hear many brokers say that it is more difficult to sell an empty house then a full one. If there is a teenager involved, it is difficult. But the saleability of the house is crucial. Sometimes the parent has to be more proactive and do the organizing and straightening. The showings can be arranged for after the cleaning day or while the kids are in school.

Q: What were your strategies with your children when you have had to move to a new home?

P: My children and I have moved several times, most recently in May. At their current ages — 20, 17 and 15 — they were more involved and interested in participating. Clear requests, like taking down existing wall paper and making sure we had wireless connections throughout the house, were easy for me to accommodate. At any age, the need for ownership and comfort is necessary.

Q: What advice do you give parents that you wish they all would follow?

P: Temper your excitement about a new house until contracts are signed. Understand how this move will change your child’s world. Allow them some age-appropriate control over their new environment. Be positive no matter what the reasons are for moving. And remember, any house can be a home!

Thank you very much to Claire for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q& P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.