Turns out we’re doing a better job keeping tabs on our kids than we were 10 years ago, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. At least that’s what the bureau told us today in a comparison of stats from 1994 and 2004.

My colleague Cathey O’Donnell, a member of our crack data desk at The Journal News, passed this on to me this morning, and it certain was comforting news. I think it’s great that parents are paying more attention to what their kids are watching on TV and for how long. But what I found most reassuring in this report is the indication that parents are spending significantly more time sharing meals with their children and providing more positive reinforcement in general.

Anyway, you can surf through all the Census “data tables here”:http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/2004_detailedtables.html and get some more details on your own. Here’s the press release the bureau put out today, with some highlights:

Parents More Active in Raising Their Children

Children Get Less Television Time

Parents are taking a more active role in the lives of their children than they did 10 years ago, according to data released today by the U.S. Census Bureau. For example, in 2004, 47 percent of teenagers had restrictions on what they watched on television, when they watched, and for how long, up from 40 percent in 1994.

A Child’s Day: 2004, examines the well-being of children younger than 18 and provides an updated look into how they spend their days. This series of 30 tables published by the U.S. Census Bureau is based on the Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP) and addresses children’s living arrangements, family characteristics, time spent in child care, academic experience, extracurricular activities and more.

According to this latest look into the lives of children, about 68 percent of 3- to 5-year-olds had limits on their television viewing, an increase from 54 percent in 1994. More children 6 to 11 found they, too, were living with restrictions on television: 71 percent in 2004 compared with 60 percent 10 years earlier.

In 2004, 53 percent of children younger than 6 ate breakfast with their parents every day (Table 7). That compared with only 22 percent of teenagers who ate breakfast with their parents each morning. Those percentages increased at the dinner table, where 78 percent of children younger than 6 ate dinner nightly with their parents, compared with 57 percent of teenagers.

According to the current data, parents continued to exert a positive influence on their children in other ways. Seventy-four percent of kids younger than 6 were praised by their mother or father three or more times a day (Table 6). The same was true for 54 percent of children 6 to 11 and 40 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds.

Children 1 to 2 were read to an average of 7.8 times in the previous week of the survey (Table 9), while children 3 to 5 were read to an average of 6.8 times in the previous week.

Other highlights:

• About half of all children 1 to 5 are read to seven or more times a week; 53 percent for 1- to 2-year-olds, and 51 percent for 3- to 5-year olds.

• The percentage of children participating in lessons, such as music, dance, language, computers, or religion, went up for 6- to 11-year olds, from 24 percent in 1994 to 33 percent in 2004 (Table 13).

• From 1994 to 2004, the percentage of children who changed schools went down for 6- to 11-year-olds, from 30 percent to 26 percent. For 12- to 17-year-olds, the percentage of children who changed schools dropped from 52 percent to 42 percent (Table 17).

• From 1994 to 2004, the number of children 12 to 17 who repeated a grade declined from 16 percent to 11 percent. For children 6 to 11, the rate remained the same at 7 percent.

SIPP produces national-level estimates for the U.S. resident population and subgroups, and allows for the observation of trends over time, particularly of selected characteristics, such as income, eligibility for and participation in transfer programs, household and family composition, labor force behavior, and other associated events.

If you’ve ever wondered what the world looks like through a toddler’s eyes, check out this blog post by Matt Zoller Seitz. Matt gave his 3-year-old a disposable camera and stood back as his son captured photos of life from his perspective. This post will make you run out and get your kid a camera.

I was taken aback last year when, during back-to-school night at my son’s school, his fourth-grade teacher noted that students would not be taught cursive writing if they had not learned it in the earlier grades. There just isn’t time to teach it by the fourth grade, he said. For those that don’t know, cursive writing is what we commonly refer to as “script,” or what a friend from England told me this weekend is known as “joined” writing back home.

I’ve thought about that teacher’s comment ever since, and it came up in conversation over the weekend. It strikes me as sad that such a school policy — perhaps a natural consequence of the modern-day, state-test-driven public school system — might spell the demise of cursive writing. I was therefore not surprised to find that I wasn’t alone in that concern, and that there has been some debate over this in recent years, as expressed in “this article from The Washington Post”:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/10/AR2006101001475.html last year.

Now, my son does write in cursive, and I frankly don’t know that any of his friends don’t. But it seems clear there are kids out there that still use block writing, and perhaps it is just a matter of time before the computer keyboard replaces all penmanship. I certainly hope not. Heck, our own Constitution and Declaration of Independence are written in cursive. Are we heading for a generation of children who won’t be able to read them?

With yet another toy recall in the news, I began wondering: What exactly will I be buying for holiday gifts for my nephews, who live in North Carolina?

Sure, I can be the “un-fun” auntie and get them clothes, but they’re 9 and 6! And Old Navy box probably won’t get the joint jumping. But with all the recalls, I don’t know what’s safe and what’s not, particularly when I’m buying online. I suppose I can consult some Web sites to find out which toys manufacturers are likely to use safe paints and parts, but I would bet that severely limit my choices.

My own kids, who are 13 and 9, are stuck on video games, clothes and a board game here and there, so I’m not as concerned. Plus, when I buy for them, I can look at the item, touch it, smell it and feel it, so I feel like I might make a better—and hopefully—safer choice. But when I’m buying online, I’m buying somewhat blindly.

What are you planning to buy for the children in your life? And have the many toy recalls affected your choices?

Remember how easy it was to choose food for the baby during the first year? It was breast milk or formula and then rice cereal, strained peaches and Cheerios. As the options expand with each year, so do the challenges of creating menus that satisfy taste buds and nourish bodies. To get some expert advice on feeding everyone from picky toddlers to recalcitrant teens, I turned to a mom who is a professional food coach.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Pleasantville resident Hillary Marra, who has a consulting business called My Family Food Coach. She also is the co-founder of The Edible Garden at Bedford Road School in Pleasantville, where schoolchildren are growing, harvesting and eating their crops. She’s also a mom of three children, ages 16, 13 and 9.

Q: When you meet with your clients for the first time, what are you hearing about their eating habits?

P: The first thing I hear is how busy families are with parents working, volunteering and driving their kids to different activities. Behind that is a cry for help. There’s no extended family to pick up the task of making dinner. There’s also an underlying fear of failing with family food, since there are so many emotions intertwined. As uncomfortable as it is for 5 o’clock to roll around and you don’t know what you’re making for dinner, it’s familiar. It’s scarier for many people to set the menu on Sunday night and say, “Tomorrow we’re going to have chicken and rice.” When people come to me, they are worried about getting their kids to eat a healthy dinner, but I help them understand that dinner is just one of the meals of the day. Getting kids to eat healthy for life is a bigger investment.

Q: Why is this seemingly simple and timeless task — feeding ourselves and our kids — so complicated?

P: Parents lead busy lives, and the essential task of providing family meals is never-ending. This is not easy for everyone. Some parents need help planning, some with cooking, some with sidestepping the power struggles. Also, there is a fine line between giving too many choices and being too controlling with our family food. There are so many emotions involved with food. It can be stressful, and kids know when they can push the food button. It is our reaction to our children’s behavior we sometimes need to change. When our kids see their food behavior doesn’t get a rise out of us, they change their own food behavior. So the ultimate power within our reach is changing our response to their behavior instead of trying to change our children.

Q: What benefits have you seen when a family changes its eating habits — beyond perhaps losing a few pounds? Any interesting stories?

P: People come to me to get their kids to eat healthier, but what happens along the way is they stop fighting about food. They begin to have a closer relationship with their child because they are no longer waging daily battles with them over what they will eat. I remember being at the home of one mom and when she heard the sound of her daughter getting a snack, she called out, “Why are you opening the fridge?” I asked her if she would do the same thing if her daughter was slender, and she said, “Probably not.” The daughter was beautiful, she was curvy. Imagine if the only limited interaction between a teenage daughter and her mom is telling her to close the fridge? It distances her from her mother. It starts with these negative feelings and this lack of closeness. As parents, when we give up trying to be right and recognize we want our kids to eat healthy because we love them, we are then able to see the little things we can do on our end. Instead of trying to change our kids’ behavior, whether by bribery or by force, we can bring pleasure into the picture with simple daily efforts that work. When you stop the family food fight, relationships between parent and child deepen. If you are a mom whose daughter throws away the healthy lunch you pack, start a dialogue with your child. The conversation can begin by asking your daughters what they want to eat, how much, how often and how to balance this with other foods. Forbidden foods become less desirable when we are taught how to enjoy them in moderation. Trust me, I know. I am in this field of food coaching because I struggled as a teen, not knowing what to eat. I have kept 20 pounds off for 20 years when I stopped dieting and learned to eat healthy and enjoy all foods. Food conversations with our children can diffuse power struggles.

Q: How can we as parents get our kids interested in healthy food?

P: It’s important to welcome children into the kitchen by taking them to buy a cookbook or cooking utensils. It speaks volumes to buy fun trays and kitchen tools for kids — there’s an unspoken, “You belong, welcomeâ€? message. Most children, if welcomed into the kitchen, want to create and play with food. Many times people put gates at the kitchen door to keep their young children out. I ask clients, “How and when will you let them in?” If you increase their food experiences as toddlers, you’ll tap into their natural curiosity. When kids cook, they proudly own their food and want to eat it and it’s no longer about “good” food versus “bad” food. When kids grow their own food, they are also so invested in it. I co-founded The Edible Garden at Bedford Road School in Pleasantville with Andrea Garbarini so all 700 kindergarten through fourth graders would connect to and enjoy their fresh, healthy, curriculum-related crops in a hands-on way. When kids grow it, they want to eat radishes on baguettes with cream cheese, broccoli with dip and salad tacos and wraps. Sometimes it’s as easy as getting kids in the kitchen cooking, shopping together at the farmer’s market and having aesthetically pleasing fresh fruits and vegetables available when they’re hungry. Having their friends over for dinner is fun and effective. Creating basic, enjoyable rituals with fresh food goes a long way. Getting our kids to eat healthy can start by simply saying less. When they taste new foods, resist the temptation to make a big deal about their liking the foods, and instead praise them for being good at trying new foods.

Q: What are some basic strategies all parents can try to get their households eating healthier?

P: Simple things parents can do and feel good about is having cut up fruits and vegetables with dip at eye level in the fridge ready when kids are hungry at 5 p.m. Change the word “dinner� to “food time� and our shoulders will go down a notch. Five o’clock comes every day and with a simple plan, we can enjoy rather than dread this part of the evening. The 5 o’clock plan helps keep kids from reaching for packaged snacks or melting down because they’re hungry while we’re trying to hang on to pulling off the perfect home-cooked meal called dinner. Put the fruit, veggies, and dip on the table and say food time will be soon. These simple new strategies we take on are more effective than trying to change our child. Another thing parents can do is to know what nights they absolutely can’t cook because they get home too late. Opt for some healthy takeout like Greek salad with soup, hummus and pita or anything grilled or sautéed rather than deep fried. I teach simple recipes and what to have on hand in the house. Any of these ideas implemented slowly and consistently, equals success. Sometimes we try to change too much all at once. One change a month equals 12 a year, and that’s something to feel great about!

Q: How much of this is mental? That is, if you make excuses about being busy, you give yourself and your family permission to order pizza yet again?

P: You’re right, so much is mental. It’s hard for some parents to figure out food on their own. I, too, would order pizza again if I didn’t have other strategies in place or food in the house. When eating right becomes easy, enthusiasm enters the picture. When we enjoy good-tasting food without fighting and everyone eats something, not only is the dread of family meals removed, we also have more time and energy to focus on other things we enjoy. Much of this happens with a plan in place, for example, knowing in advance what day of the week will be planned pizza, rather than thinking all day about what’s for dinner. Rather than play short-order cook, it’s helpful to serve parts of the meal where everyone likes something. An example of this is to make turkey tacos for the two children who like it, while making a turkey burger for the third child who doesn’t.

Q: What’s a typical weekday dinner for you?

P: On a planned pizza day we’ll order pizza plain or with vegetable toppings, sautéed broccoli on the side and lentil soup from a local pizzeria. People love hearing that my kids eat frozen food or take-out on busy days. On days I can cook, we’ll have turkey burgers or tacos, chicken fajitas, grilled salmon, or baked chicken parmesan with pasta and broccoli. I look to rev foods up a notch to make them more healthful by baking instead of frying and, when ordering take-out, add healthful foods, like the soup and broccoli, with the pizza order.

Q: Any favorite recipe you’d like to share that kids are guaranteed to love?

P: Most kids like quesadillas, my revving it up version takes three ingredients and five minutes, and it’s a delicious, healthy dish high in protein and fiber!

Hillary’s quesadillas

Ingredients: whole wheat or white flour tortillas, organic low-fat shredded mozzarella or other type of cheese, 1 can of black beans, drained.

Place one tortilla in skillet without adding any butter or oil.
Sprinkle shredded cheese to cover surface of tortilla.
Place a thin layer of drained beans on top of cheese.
Top with second tortilla.
Cook on low flame several minutes, flipping until each side of quesadilla is lightly browned and cheese is melted.
Cut into pieces and serve.

Q: What are your children’s favorite foods?

P: Some of my three kids’ favorite foods are chocolate, sugar and hot dogs. Don’t think I’m kidding! We have balance because the one who loves chocolate also loves salads and whole grains; the one who loves sugar loves beans, cooked broccoli and raw carrots; and the one who loves hot dogs loves soup and cooked vegetables. They all love fruit. I emphasize cooked versus raw vegetables because one way of sidestepping a power struggle is feeding vegetables to your child the way they like them. Having the child who doesn’t like raw vegetables make the salad dressing and proudly tossing the salad goes farther than force in getting them to taste it. When they do taste it, we succeed if we praise their trying something new, not whether or not they like it. We just have to remember not to comment too much. I encourage parents to stay away from force and bribery, which can backfire. I have worked with adult clients who don’t eat certain foods because they were forced to as kids.

Q: What do you always have on hand for snacks?

P: I always have salsa and tortilla chips and pretzels in the house as well as fruit, baby carrots, broccoli, yogurt, antibiotic-free turkey and organic cheese. I do excel at having a plan and having a beautiful fruit platter or veggies and dip at eye-level in the fridge at 5 p.m. for the kids to grab when they’re starving. Talking less about food and acting with a plan works.

Q: What’s your strategy for balancing healthy eating with the allure of snack foods that your kids undoubtedly encounter in friends’ houses and at the grocery store?

P: I like to have ingredients on hand in case we feel like making things on a whim like apple crisp, banana or pumpkin bread or oatmeal raisin cookies. This one hour of baking teaches kids the skills they need to feel comfortable in the kitchen for life and feeds them homemade goodies that crowd out the store bought ones. Kids’ taste buds do develop. If they are raised on processed foods, that’s what they will prefer. When the kids go to friends’ houses, it’s more important to bond with the friends than judge the food. There are five meals a day, and healthy eating is something that happens over time rather than making every meal perfect. They need to learn how to eat the other stuff in moderation. My approach is realistic and not rigid. For example, one day my son and I went to Friendly’s and he saw a picture of a humungous burger with the works. I took a step back and said I could be a food warden or I could understand this is only one meal. I choose to ease up and bond with my kid. I said, “Listen to your body and have as much as you want, but stop eating when you’re full.” Then the waitress came over and said, “You get two free scoops of ice cream with your meal,” I could have keeled over. I said we would get it to go, hoping it would melt in the car or I could put it in the freezer at home to save it for another time.

Q: How do you help a child focus on eating right and yet at the same time not over-emphasize food to the point where he or she starts to question themselves and get obsessed with weight or dieting?

P: I’ve kept 20 pounds off for 20 years when I stopped dieting and learned to eat healthy. The depriving approach makes forbidden foods more desirable. Being a role model, especially for mothers, is a huge opportunity. Instead of controlling our children with food, we can show that we can eat sitting and when hungry rather than when stressed or for other reasons. We can let our daughters hear us proudly ask for jeans for curvy shapes if that is our body type. We can show them we feel good about ourselves with food and then go forth to live our best lives. When our food is in order we are free to enjoy everything else life has to offer.

Thank you very much to Hillary for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Usually, when I volunteer to help out at my sons’ schools, in my community, or at church, I consider the basics: Can I even do this work? Do I have time to do it? How will doing this impact my family’s time and mine?

But one question that we should also keep in mind is: Does my way of getting things done mesh with how this group operates? I never thought of that, until recently, when I volunteered to help out with an event and the way that I like to work was miles off from the way the group worked.

As a working mom, my time is limited. That’s why I don’t have time for chatty meetings where “wishes” are expressed, but concrete details aren’t worked out. I’m more of a doer than a talker: Tell me what needs to be done, and I’ll do it. Want to discuss all the options for a few hours? Find someone else.

That’s what happened with this recent event. There wasn’t a lot of useful communication beforehand, and what resulted was a lot of unnecessary preparation, and in my case, some unnecessary spending. While I groused about it, I realized that part of this was my fault. I got into this without even thinking about the work style of the group. I just thought I would help out, in the way that I’m accustomed to doing things.

How do you handle your volunteer activities? Are they rewarding or frustrating? Or both?

My son’s trumpet blasts sounded like a wounded elephant writhing in pain when he first started playing an instrument in third grade. In fourth grade, he switched to the saxophone, and the elephant was healing. Now, in fifth, he’s developed quite a talent for it, and is visibly improving and enjoying his progress. It was all a matter of getting him over the initial hump of frustration — and continuing that progress. That’s kind of the problem.

The initial question for his mom and I was whether to let him give music a try in the first place. There are a number of tips lists online and in print, “including this one”:http://cnx.org/content/m11640/latest that serve as a guide for parents making the call. We didn’t consult a list at the time, although it would’ve been helpful. But my son had expressed an interest, and although we worried that he would decide not to stick with it, we let him go for it. I made it clear that he had to stick with it once he chose to do it, at least for the year. And some of his early practices took some prodding. But he stuck with it.

The problem is that practices are still an occasional hassle. He also started playing guitar last year, so there are two instruments to practice. I gave him the same speech for the guitar classes he takes, and he does practice. However, we have to force him to do so at times, and it makes me wonder if that defeats the purpose. I want him to want to practice, because I know the more he improves the more he will enjoy it. I’m going to start practicing guitar with him at least once a week, and perhaps that will help.

But is there a trick to this? Or do we just keep insisting on regular practices until it takes root as a regular routine?

I think we have a new tradition. Last night we went to the Great Jack O’ Lantern Blaze for the first time, and we all had a great time. If you haven’t heard of it, the Blaze is a giant display of lighted, artistically carved pumpkins held on the grounds of Van Cortlandt Manor in Croton-on-Hudson. More than 4,000 pumpkins are carved into shapes that are fantastical, whimsical and just plain fun to gawk at. Pumpkin loved the display of cat-themed carvings:

My own personal favorite was the graveyard with pumpkins carved into bodies rising from the earth:

Here is another picture that gives you a sense of how creative the carvings are:

A lot of my photos didn’t turn out too well because I didn’t bring a tripod. We loved the display of life-sized dinosaur skeletons, an “aquarium” of scary fish and the creepy spider pumpkins, but those photos came out very blurry.

If you’d like to take your family, there is still time. Tickets are still available for Oct. 24 to 31. Advance reservations are required. You can buy tickets online at Historic Hudson Valley or by calling 914-631-8200. If you want to learn more about the Blaze, check out the Blaze blog, which features interviews with some of the people who carved all the wonderful pumpkins. Also fun is the Blaze YouTube Video Contest, where you can see the efforts of some fans who captured the event on video.

If visiting the Blaze makes you want to learn more about the art of pumpkin carving, you can check out this article on Wikipedia. I also found the advice on Pumpkin Carving 101 helpful. There were pictures that walked you through the carving process, tips on preserving your pumpkin and suggestions for finding inexpensive cutting tools in a kitchen store.

If you’re feeling ambitious and want to have some fun with the kids, check out Extreme Pumpkins, where it’s more about creating a tableau of gruesome and creative pumpkins than just carving a traditional jack o’ lantern. I love the “puking pumpkin,” carved by the site’s founder Tom Nardone. If you want to take photos of your creations and do better than I did at the Blaze, check out Halloween Photography. Advice includes a recommendation to take your pumpkin pictures at dusk and to use a flashlight to illuminate the scene.

And if all this pumpkin fun has you in the mood for a classic, “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” will be broadcast on ABC, Channel 7, at 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 30. And if you want to read still more about Halloween and its traditions, check out the History Channel’s Halloween site.

My son knows every four-letter word under the sun. He hears them on TV, around town, and around school from time to time. There are older kids at his after-school program who let one fly now and again. I’m not naive enough to think you can protect a child from foul language. My rule has been simple: I don’t want to hear them. I try not to curse around him, and he dare not do so around me.

To me, it’s a respect thing for kids. I use “colorful” language in my adult life, whether it be with friends or colleagues. But I draw the line around children, and certainly around my son. It makes me wonder how other parents handle the issue.

I bring this up because of an experience I had this weekend at a shopping center. I saw a woman fly into a rage over a parking space. She got out of her SUV and hurled a profanity-laced verbal assault on another woman. It was one of those “road-rage” type of situations, where the woman felt personally offended. She quickly won the argument, but continued her foul-mouthed rant as she got back in her vehicle, closed the door, and parked. Then she got out and began getting her two young children out of the car, even while she was still going on about the “slight” she was just subjected to.

Now, I’ve let the occasional curse slip in traffic or some other frustrating situation. I’m human. But I quickly apologize to my son if he’s within earshot and reinforce that it is wrong. He knows dad’s not perfect. I simply believe good manners, including proper language, feed directly to how you present yourself and how you are perceived as an older child and as an adult.

So this situation in the parking lot astounded me, in large part because it wasn’t the first time I’ve witnessed something like it. It makes me wonder if I make too much of a big deal out of it, and if I’m just out of step with parents in general. It makes me wonder how some other parents handle this issue.

This is a little irregular, but I ask the indulgence of Parents’ Place readers. What follows is of urgent importance for a group of deserving children and for the newest member of Westchester’s unemployed.

Dear Mr. Torre,

 First, let me say that despite comments by one colleague at The Journal News/LoHud who shall remain nameless, you were treated shabbily by George Steinbrenner and/or his sons. Without belaboring the point, this is only the latest example of a Steinbrenner embarrassing a fine baseball organization and its fans,

Now, for the purpose of this posting: I read of your interest in exploring future employment. As a board member for the youth council of an area church, I am prepared to offer you the job of manager/president of our baseball program.

 I am not at liberty to identify the organization because this is not a formal offer – that must wait until the youth council’s next meeting in November. I am confident, however, that we can offer you a salary somewhere in the high two figures. This would be a multi-year contract and it would be negotiable, thereby addressing two of the concerns you raised at your press conference on Friday. Furthermore, our contract would not include insulting incentive features. 

We also are offering Don Zimmer the chance to resume his duties as your bench coach. And since several of your coaches also could soon find themselves unemployed, we are offering the position of pitching coach to Ron Guidry and appropriate coaching jobs to the others. (We don’t have a budget line for their salaries, but if you chose to share some of yours with any or all of them, that’s fine with us.)

To provide a Major League Baseball amenity, the youth council purchaser already has picked up a 10-gallon vat of sunflower seeds at Costco. One caveat: We do have a strictly enforced no-spitting rule on the field and on the bench.

As a sign of my sincerity, I point to a profile of you that I wrote several years back. I held up to public ridicule a Daily News headline that had scoffed at your hiring, calling you “Clueless Joe.â€?  In that same report, I referred disdainfully to similarly misguided comments by the then-sports columnist for this publication. He remained nameless then only because it didn’t seem wise to pick a fight with my employer, a position with which I’m sure you can sympathize.

Finally – and I hope this is not out of line - once you join our organization, would it be possible to bring along some Bigelow teabags, especially for those chilly early spring practices? We will supply the hot water.

Len Maniace,

Director,
St. xxxx of xxx Youth Council

Attention Harrison residents: I need your help. Since recent events are likely to have disrupted Mr. Torre’s reading routine, he might miss this job offer. If you see Mr.Torre out raking leaves or at the supermarket, tell him about this opportunity. Thanks for your help.

Last year, when my family took a trip to Costa Rica, my sons applied for passports for the first time. While the wait to receive it was slightly long—about six weeks—the process was pretty painless, although the cost created a pinch to our pockets.

But as rules around applying for and requiring a passport become more stringent, people who travel with children may want to take note of some of the basic protocols according to a pamphlet issued by Westchester County Clerk Tim Idoni:

• Don’t wait until the last minute to apply. Beginning in early 2008, passports will be needed to travel by land or sea from Canada, Mexico, Central and South America, the Caribbean and Bermuda. So if you need one, apply now.


• Be aware of special requirements for children under 14: All children, even newborns, must have their own passport. And children’s passports need to be renewed every five years. When applying for a chid’s passport, children must be there in person. If possible, both parents should appear together and sign the application for a child who is under 14. If only one parent appears, the parent must provide a notarized form proving consent from the other parent.


• When you apply for a passport, please be sure to bring the right documents: Proof of US Citizenship (previous passport, naturalization certificate, original or certified copy of your birth certificate, or a Consular Report of Birth Abroad), Proof of Identity (a valid driver’s license or government/military ID card) and the fees (typically $97 for an adult passport and $82 for children under 16). If you need a passport in a hurry, the application can be expedited for an additional $60. Cash, checks and credit cards can be used to pay the fees.

Need more information or have additional questions? Call the Westchester County Clerk’s office at 914-995-3086 weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5:45 p.m. or visit www.westchesterclerk.com.

Fall is here, and it’s time for new shoes. Even though she loves them and practically lived in them this summer, Pumpkin can’t wear her purple Crocs in the cold and wet. Instead of lugging Pumpkin to the mall, I decided to shop at home using handy sizing charts from our favorite brands. What’s nice about this option is you can go online, download and print the chart, measure your child and buy the shoes in a fraction of the time it takes to visit a store. What’s even better is you’ll get instant feedback about whether the size you need is in stock.

My first stop was Stride Rite to replace the sneakers I bought last spring with a larger size. I kept to the same style because it’s a simple white sneaker with modest pink trim. She can wear it with any color and it doesn’t clash. Another plus: The shoe is one of the least expensive in the store. When you get to the Stride Rite home page, just click on e-fit to find the chart for your child’s age and gender. It turns out one of Pumpkin’s feet measured a size 7 and the other a size 7 1/2. I ordered a size 8 to give her some growing room.

Then I went to Robeez. Pumpkin wears Robeez in the house in the cooler months when socks aren’t warm enough. They are soft and slip-proof and stay on snugly. Here is a link to their downloadable sizing chart. It turns out that she still fits in the 18-24 month size, so I was able to buy this adorable cat shoe.

I couldn’t help but visit Crocs to see what the company’s offerings are for winter. Here is a link to the Crocs sizing chart. I also printed out the Baby Gap sizing chart.

I have to admit that I didn’t buy any of the shoes from the company sites. Instead I went to Zappos, found the Stride Rite sneakers and Robeez and got free shipping. Please share your shoe-shopping tips. And if you try the downloadable charts, let us know how it works out for you!

My regular surfing of the newswire produced another well done article on single-parent dating. This one originated at “The Contra Costa Times”:http://www.contracostatimes.com in Walnut Creek, Cal., and was picked up by the Associated Press. I can’t say I agree with all of the article, but it’s extremely valuable to get first-person input, and the article does that extermely well. I also think the “dating tips” listed at the end are helpful. And I think it’s always a healthy exercise to put all of the issue — and the varying viewpoints and approaches — out there. I’d rather err on the side of too much info.

Single parents seeking: Kids’ needs come first when it’s time to date
By Jessica Yadegaran
Contra Costa Times
When she hit 30, Rachel Sarah added a must-have item to her milk-caked mommy wardrobe: A date skirt.
The Berkeley, Calif., single mother spent the first two years of her daughter’s life dateless, and happy. But when her libido returned, and with it, a longing for companionship, she joined the scene.
“I was scared and unsure about getting back out there,� says Sarah, now in her mid-30s. “How would I balance the challenges of raising a healthy and happy little girl with the chaotic, emotionally charged world of dating?�
She read. She learned what the experts say about putting your child first and getting a tribe for support and childcare. But what about sex? And when was it OK to introduce Mae to a man?
“There was nothing out there written by someone in the trenches,� says Sarah, a relationship columnist and author of “Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches From the Dating World.�
According to a 2005 U.S. Census Bureau survey, 27 percent of households are run by single parents. And, while a conservative therapist may suggest waiting until the kids are out of the house, more and more single parents are choosing to date with caution, and date now.
“Parents shouldn’t date? Give me a break,� says Rona Renner, a registered nurse and host of Childhood Matters, a California radio show for parents. “They’re going to be much better parents if they’re getting their needs met as an adult.�
Psychologist Ian Kerner says nobody should approach parenting like it’s a jail sentence.
“Different ages pose different issues, but most children really want their parents to be happy,� says Kerner, author of “DSI: Date Scene Investigation.� “If you find someone who loves you and loves your child, it’s just going to make for a happy home.�
Still, that can seem far away when you’re on a yet another blind date.
Cathy Schultheis is a Moraga, Calif., mother of two teenagers. She dates once a month and only dates friends of friends. When her daughters were younger, she only went out when they were at grandma’s for the weekend.
“I am very cautious,� Schultheis says.
As youngsters, the girls grew close to a beau of mom’s. When they broke up, it was tough on the girls. Schultheis stopped dating. Now that they’re older, they’re past that point, she says. They want to know the details of the date, including the physical stuff. Schultheis keeps it clean.
Her overall philosophy: kids first.
“I don’t regret one minute that I’ve spent with my kids,� she says, “but I’ve regretted a lot of the dates I’ve been on.�
If Rachael Huang of Oakland, Calif., posted a dating profile, it’d read something like this: blonde, cherubic 38-year-old music lover seeks like-minded guy for fun and swing dancing. Unlike Sarah, she probably wouldn’t mention her two kids, who are 12 and 15.
When it comes to dating, Huang’s learned that kids can be overwhelming to potential suitors.
“I give them a chance to get to know me before they have to deal with that,� she says. “There’s a perception that single mom equals looking for a new husband. And I’m looking to have fun. I don’t try to find someone for my kids because my kids have me.�
Liz Martin of Dublin, Calif., has done it all—from set ups to Match.com, which is 40 percent single parents. Martin is up front. She talks about her son on the first date, saying he’s “part of the package.� Perhaps for that reason, a recent date assumed he’d get to meet her son early on.
That wasn’t the case.
“Until I’m in some kind of committed relationship with a future, I wouldn’t introduce him to anyone,� Martin says.
She struggles with trust, as it relates to a new beau.
“It’s one thing to have regular trust issues,� she says. “But when do you know that you can leave your child with this other person?�
With smaller children, supervising visits is helpful, Kerner suggests. Then, you can transition to short, alone-visits.
If your ex is dating, too, realize that your child is not a detective.
“Adopt a ‘never hear it from the child’ policy,� Kerner says, meaning you will always disclose and discuss dating issues with each other before exposing the child to them.
Couples ask Kerner and Renner about attachment—between their child and the new person—and, of course, about sex and intimacy.
There are no cookie-cutter answers, Renner says. It depends on your own value system, and the age and temperament of your children. Bottom line: don’t bring a new romantic partner into a child’s life too quickly, only to be taken away.
In general, Kerner says, the older the child, the more complicated these issues become.
“If the child is young, you can introduce them as mommy’s or daddy’s friend,� he says. But remember: Overnight dates should always take place elsewhere.
Eric Peterson of Oakland, Calif., is newly separated. He doesn’t plan on dating anytime soon. He doesn’t want to expose his young son to an unstable environment.
A child of divorce, Peterson recalls a “parade� of people coming and going when he was growing up. Sometimes he was introduced to them; sometimes he wasn’t.
“I don’t want that for him,� Peterson says.
When and if you do make introductions, remember that children are perceptive. Listen to them, Renner says. Do they like your new boyfriend? If not, why? Is he mean, or are they jealous of your relationship?
“Look for red flags,� Renner says. “A child who used to sleep fine waking with nightmares. Continue to put the child’s emotional reactions in the center of the equation.�
That’s what Eric Reynolds of Emeryville, Calif., does. He is the full-time father of four, with a 6-, 8- and 13-year-old living at home. He practices mindful parenting.
“I’m not big on dating,� says Reynolds, founder of Single Parents Rock, a support group. “I’m bigger on friendships and seeing if they go that route. I just feel that dating loosely while having children full-time is a difficult way of having a relationship.�
He dated a woman for eight months whom he met on Craigslist and never brought her home. Then he met another woman and fell for her. So did the kids. When it ended, everyone was sad.
“Yet there’s so much going on in their lives that they realized these things happen,� Reynolds says. “They went through the divorce with my ex-wife, and it wasn’t as bad as that.�
———
DATING TIPS
Dating is daunting, but it can be even more difficult as a single parent. Here, experts provide tips to help you navigate the challenges:
— Don’t feel guilty. Date, but do it carefully, and keep your child as your top priority.
— Don’t discuss your dates with your child. He/she is not your confidante.
— Early on, stick to short dates, like coffee. If the relationship progresses, move to longer dates, like dinner.
— Create a network of people willing to baby sit and provide emotional support for the higher degree of rejection.
— Don’t introduce your child to your date. Wait until a serious commitment or relationship develops.
— Avoid overnight visits when your child is in the house.
— When it comes time to make introductions, plan family dates around your child.
Sources: Ian Kerner, Rachel Sarah and Rona Renner

My daughter has lived to the age of 2 without seeing a single television commercial. I know these innocent days are numbered. Her only TV viewing now consists of “Sesame Street” episodes we record on our TiVo, and that usually involves fast-forwarding to the Elmo’s World segment. But once she starts watching other cartoons, she will inevitably be exposed to TV advertising. As parents, we automatically assume this is a bad thing — even though we might enjoy certain ads ourselves (enough to turn them into full-fledged TV shows, at least in the case of the Geico Cavemen). The American Psychological Association reports that the average child is exposed to 40,000 TV commercials a year. Marketers spend $12 billion a year on ads directed at children. To get a behind-the-scenes look at the thinking that goes into this spending, I invited an ad man turned professor to share his insights.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Paul Kurnit, professor of marketing at Pace University. Paul also has his own business, Kurnit Communications and KidShop. A Cortlandt Manor resident, Paul has had experience on the other side of the TV screen as the father of two adult children, Ara and Jesse.

Q: You’ve helped companies like Disney, the Gap, General Mills, Hasbro, McDonald’s, Nickelodeon, Scholastic, Sony, Polaroid, Universal Studios and Pepsi market their products to children. What’s the biggest difference between reaching children and older consumers?

P: Children are consumed by and consumers of fun, wonder, fantasy, play and what if? With kids anything is possible. They are pre-socialized, direct, honest and critical in the most innocently perceptive ways. So, reaching them is both challenging and a blast. If so much of what we sell them is about enhancing their lives through discovery and fulfillment, the burden on the communication needs to be clear, differentiated, engaging and truthful. The promise of the experience had better be met by the experience itself. Because the kid buzz network can be brutal on any Monday morning in school when kids will trash an over-promised movie, toy, food or any other weekend purchase that has let them down.

Q: What are some of the techniques you helped companies use to advertise to kids? How has this business become increasingly sophisticated? Any war stories?

P: In the ’80s my advertising agency, Griffin Bacal, was a real pioneer in the kids advertising world. Here are several conventions in advertising we invented at that time:
• Animation for food advertising was commonly employed, but for toy advertising, it was not permitted by the networks. We changed that.
• As an innovative response to the huge success of “Star Wars� as a toy line with the movies as the inspiration for the play scenarios, we worked with Marvel Comics to develop a storyline platform first for GI Joe and then Transformers to provide a vehicle for kids to access the brand play patterns beyond the TV commercials we ran. We also produced TV programming for both — and for My Little Pony and other properties that became very successful in their own rite.
• We completely changed the face of board game advertising for kids by capturing the core fantasy idea of each game and executing it on film intercut with the actual game play. Until that time, virtually all board game commercials looked alike — four kids sitting around a board smiling and having fun, while a voiceover announcer explained the rules. Our work revitalized the Milton Bradley business that had been acquired by Hasbro.

Q: You also been an executive vice president at Sunbow Entertainment, which brought us TV shows based on toys like the Transformers, GI Joe and My Little Pony. When parents see programs that are tied so closely to toys, we sometimes worry the shows are little more than prolonged advertisements. What was it like inside that environment? Are we right to worry?

P: Don’t worry. Much was made of the “program-length advertising� issue. The Federal Trade Commission mandated that commercials for like properties could not run in or adjacent to programming of the same name or property. But, the real story here, both then and now, is if the program doesn’t have merit and hold kids’ interest as a unique entertainment form, the programming will die a quick death. A case in point was a doll property, Jem. We invented a great story about her, a music executive by day, a rock star by night. She had a band. There was a nemesis band. The doll property never made it past year one, but the programming had a successful run, two years after the dolls were pulled from toy store shelves.

Q: When parents hear the words “advertising” and “children” in the same sentence, we tend to get nervous. As someone who is both a parent and a marketing expert who has made a career out of selling stuff to kids, what’s your take?

P: Advertising is the engine of commerce and of democracy. Advertising plays a huge role in informing kids of what’s out there and inspiring interest in wanting goods and services. This is a rite of passage. It is access to the commercial world we live in. For those who express disdain and worse about advertising to kids, the train has left the station. We are no longer an agrarian or industrial 19th century nation where kids worked in fields and factories. Today’s kids are integrated into the fabric of society. Marketing and advertising is an essential part of that fabric.

Q: You also are involved with the Children’s Advertising Review Unit of the Better Business Bureau. What’s your reason for getting involved? And what are some of the problems you’ve seen in advertisements to kids?

P: I’ve been involved with CARU for over 25 years. I leapt at the opportunity to be part of this organization in the early days of my tenure at Griffin Bacal. I firmly believe that commercial communication to kids has got to be responsive and responsible. We need to be diligent and vigilant about the goods and services we “sell� to kids of varying ages. We need to be certain that our communication is truthful and accessible. And, we need to be constantly in step with new commercial techniques and media to ensure responsible communication to kids.

Q: What makes advertising to kids so powerful, in your view? Is it the child’s willingness to accept the message?

P: Advertising to kids has become much less powerful over time. Kids see so much of it that they are becoming both more immune to and critical of sales pitches. Research shows that about half of all kids today have a healthy distrust of advertising.

Q: What about the role children are playing in making household spending decisions? It seems kids are now only watching the ads, but using those inputs to influence their parents. How is this affecting advertising messages to children?

P: Kids play a large and growing role in household purchase decisions. We have seen a still relatively small but significant growth in kids’ influence regarding restaurant choices, vacations, technology products, cars and evening family home-buying decisions. It’s because today’s family is more closely knit than at any time in history. The post-war adage of “kids should be seen and not heard� is long over. Kids are active and activist members of the family — third parents in decision making.

Q: As a behind-the-scenes expert in this arena, how has this changed the habits in your own family over the years? Have you ever felt compelled to warn your kids about what they see on TV?

P: My kids grew up through all of the foregoing shift in the kid marketing world. My wife and I never restricted our kids in their TV viewing or toy playing. We always had an active dialog with them and provided a diverse panoply of activities — sports, friends, clubs, music, travel, dining out — to inspire balance in their evolving senses of self and relationship to the world.

Q: What advice do you have for parents who worry about their kids watching advertisements? What kind of conversations do you think are helpful to guide children to be discriminating viewers?

P: Worried parents create worried kids. Parents should be involved with their kids, talking to them, playing with them, guiding them, protecting them. If something on television is inappropriate for kids, parents can make that call, reasonably, realistically, rationally. Kids will “get it� and appreciate it. Parenting today needs to get back to some of the fundamentals. Kids need rules and limits — a good healthy “no� when appropriate — to grow up balanced, content and appreciative of what they have and who they are.

Thank you very much to Paul for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Running after kids is one thing, but some moms are also running, swimming and cycling in triathlon competitions. If you are one of them — or know someone who is — contact my colleague Liz Sadler. She’s writing a story about triathlon moms. You can reach Liz at esadler@lohud.com or 914-694-3525.