My son’s got it easy at school. At least that’s the way I see it, given that his classes don’t start until 9 a.m., and he’s out at 3 p.m. When I was a kid, I can’t recall starting school any later than 8:20 a.m., and that was seen as lenient. So what’s up?

I should note that my 10-year-old scores at the top of the class in all of the state tests he’s been required to take. And he devotes tons of his spare time to reading and games that incorporate mathematical and social studies skills. Fine. He’s studious.

But I find myself wanting more school time for him, something I think that there’s no real substitute for. It helps develop good study habits, improved listening skills, increased group-participation skills, and better social skills. True, he’s just in fifth grade now and his school day will get a tad longer as he gets into the later grades. That’s all well and good.

Still, something seems off. Take into account this “Boston Globe article,”:http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/mcas/articles/2007/11/30/longer_school_day_appears_to_boost_mcas_scores in which a handful of Boston public schools extended the school day and assigned more reading and studying to their students. The result was a significant increase in “MCAS”:http://www.doe.mass.edu/mcas/about1.html scores.

Doesn’t that all seem to make sense? Or is there a case to be made for less time in class? I’d love to hear it.

I’ve been fortunate in that I was able to establish a friendly relationship with my son’s mom. She’s remarried, and I’ve moved on as well. None of it has prevented us from co-parenting, and my son benefits as a result. I’m always particularly aware of it this time of year, since it allows my son to enjoy the Holiday season without tension between his parents.

I wish that were true for all divorced parents. But, in fact, most of the conversations I have with separated or divorced parents are about the tense relationship with their ex. Of late, I’ve had conversations with two moms at my son’s after school program, and they were both dreading the Holidays because they anticipate some disagreement or other over presents, where to spend the Holidays, etc.

Sometimes in those situations one parent is the cause of the difficulty. But most often, both parents contribute, and the children suffer as a result. The irony is that neither parent ever wants the children to suffer. Sometimes it just ends up that way.

There is no shortage of suggestions on coping with the ex. I found a particularly good list on “the single parent link”:http://singleparent.lifetips.com/cat/9246/ex-spouse/index.html on the “lifetips.com”:http://www.lifetips.com website. The suggestions are a good starting point to fashioning a tolerable relationship with the ex. In the early stages of my split, I found it was necessary for me to bite my tongue and swallow my pride quite often. I’m sure my ex felt the same way.

Ultimately, we were able to form enough of a friendship that those issues could be addressed when my son wasn’t around or on the phone. But in most cases, the issues didn’t seem significant any longer, so we moved on and focused on our roles as parents and even friends. And at no time of year am I more thankful for it than the Holidays.

As a single parent, I think I always tried harder to make my son happy at Christmas.

Deep down, I wanted to compensate for the fact that his mom and I weren’t together, and whatever guilty feelings that carries as a parent. So he got extra presents and things like that. I always wanted to make his Christmas as “normal” as possible.

And we’ve always had a shared Christmas. By that I mean that his mom comes over first thing on Christmas morning. Our custody deal stipulates that my son is with me every Christmas. His mom is Jewish and was willing to allow that Christmas would always be celebrated in my home. But she has made it a point to celebrate with us, and is there first thing.

Anyway, Christmas has always been a time of plenty for my son, as it should for any kid. And I don’t necessarily want that to change entirely. But I do want him to appreciate what he has a bit more. That’s why we’re doing a different kind of Santa letter this year.

This year, he’s going to be involved in filling a Santa letter from a needy kid at the local post office, his first experience doing it. Now, we do want to make sure it’s from a child in need, not a kid who simply wants extra toys. If you’re doing this for the first time yourself, check with your post office to ensure they’re weeding out the right ones.

The way I see it, there are kids right down the street who don’t have a proper coat or shoes, let alone a toy or two. If my son has two coats, he should give one up to someone in need. Because my son isn’t the only kid who should have a “normal” a Christmas as possible.

It’s 2:18 a.m. and I just made the cranberry sauce. Oh, and I threw in a load of wash. My wash, that is. I had no choice if I hope to have something fresh to wear in seven hours when it will be time to get dressed to drive to my sister-in-law’s house in Albany. Pumpkin’s dress has been ready on a hanger in her closet for weeks. Such is my life.

Some moms — and you know who you are — seem to effortlessly keep it all together. You look great. Your hair isn’t always in a ponytail. You’ve actually managed to dig out your winter clothes so you don’t have to wear a summer shirt in November. Best of all, you’re calm. You never say things like, “Sweetheart, if you go upstairs and read books quietly with Grandma while mommy tries to write a story, I’ll give you pudding later.” Then there are moms like me. Perennially running late. Trying to do too much and getting only five out of 10 things accomplished. So, tomorrow while Pumpkin will be wearing a cute blue velvet holiday dress, I’ll be schlepping in some jeans. Jeans that aren’t loose like I’d hoped because I haven’t strictly followed the South Beach Diet or gotten back on the treadmill. I won’t be wearing any makeup because in a cleaning fit I threw away all the old stuff I bought back in spring 2005 and I haven’t replaced it. (Or used the gift certificate for Sephora my mom gave me in April 2006.)

Running my house and my family is a full-time job. The only problem is I have another full time job: This one. And when something’s got to give, it’s usually taking care of me. But yet, but yet, even though it’s now 2:25 a.m. and I probably won’t sleep more than four hours. And even though I’ll be the sloppiest mom at my family’s Thanksgiving party. And even though I know I’m far from perfect, I can’t help but sit here and feel so grateful for this messed up, harried life. My child is sleeping in her crib snuggled up with her Elmo doll. My husband will be waking at 5:30 to clean the car and make a dent on the toy litter that’s stretching from my office through the living and dining rooms all the way to the kitchen. My mom will probably come a half hour early this morning and I can get her to file Pumpkin’s fingernails. Most of all, I’m simply thankful to be a mom to Pumpkin, who has been in this world for three years this month. Granted, she was smaller than a grain of rice three years ago, but still — she was alive and my world was changed forever, even if I didn’t know it yet.

So, on this Thanksgiving, I want to say thank you to whoever is reading this blog. Thank you for joining our little community of parents who just want to share the miracle that is our everyday lives. My theory is that parents like to complain about our long days (and occasional nights) and the hard parts because if we talked about what it’s really like, we’d sound like lunatics. “I am so happy to be changing this dirty diaper” don’t sound like the words of a normal person to somebody who hasn’t been a mom or dad. But I remember on the day we brought Pumpkin home from the hospital after she spent nine weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit when she was born three months early. I said into the camcorder: “You need a diaper change. I am so happy to be changing your diaper.” It was me and not a nurse who got to wipe that little bum. I was finally going to be Pumpkin’s full-time mom. And so when she comes to me and says, “Mama, poop,” I’m still that happy. I get to be a mom. If sometimes my other full-time job means that I have to make cranberry sauce at 2 in the morning, so be it.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’ll share my secret recipe for cranberry sauce. As for life, I can only say: Be grateful for the diapers because where there’s poop, there’s a child.

Julie’s Cranberry Sauce

1 12 ounce container frozen apple juice concentrate
1 package fresh cranberries
1/2 cup port wine
1/2 cup sugar (If you like it really sweet, make it 3/4 cup)
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon nutmeg

Mix apple juice, cranberries, wine and sugar in a stainless steel pot. Bring to boil. Lower heat and simmer for 10 to 13 minutes, until syrup starts to look gel-ish. Remove from heat. Add spices. Pour into a heat-safe dish. Cool. Refrigerate until ready to use. (I’ll also add, pour yourself a glass of port and eat a small dish of the runny sauce while it’s hot. Yum.)

Lead contamination seems to be a problem that just doesn’t go away. The 1970s saw lead removed from home paints, its elimination from gasoline, and its banning from paint used on children’s toys.

 But the series of recalled toys and other products in recent months shows that lead remains a issue for just about everyone with children, who are most susceptible to this toxic metal.

Until recently, the biggest worry with lead was for those young children living in older homes who might be exposed to old, chipping paint containing lead. As usual, those most affected are the children of the poor living in substandard housing.

Learning and behavioral problems are the biggest concerns connected to lead exposure in kids followed by possible damage to brains, kidneys, and other organs.

 Even though our children are exposed to lower levels of lead than in the 1960s, what’s considered safe levels of lead also is dropping.  The safey standard is one-sixth what it was in the 1960s, and a further strengthening of the standard is considered.

 There are some things you can do to reduce your children’s lead exposure and that of all children. Here are a few websites that can help you get a better grip on the problem:

*Get a good overview on lead from the New York State Health Department.

*This webpage from Consumer Reports looks at the latest lead scare and includes an asessment of home testing kits for lead.

*Track down recalled toys from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

My girlfriend’s 3-year-old burst into tears this morning as I was about to take him to pre-K. When I asked him why he was crying, he said because he wanted Santa Claus to bring him presents. He knows Santa will show up while we’re all sleeping and deliver a bundle of toys for him to pay with. It’s just that, at his age, the notion that Christmas is still several weeks away is hazy, and he thought it would happen this morning and the next. I assured him Santa would come. But it reminded me of how beautiful that is for a child, and it struck me how he and my own son, who turns 10 on Saturday, are at such varying ends of the Santa myth.

I think it’s pretty obvious the cat is out of the hat for my son by now. He seems to be at the point where he knows the scoop on Santa, but figures he’d better not ‘fess up or there’ll be no presents. It’s sad to me, because nothing can ever replace the look on a child’s face on Christmas morning when the presents are “magically” there under the tree.

So I need to have the Santa Claus conversation with my son this weekend. First of all, I want to make sure he doesn’t ruin it for the younger boy. But I also want to bring my son up to speed on the whole Santa myth and its origins. Santa Claus is based on Saint Nicholas of Myra, a benevolent 4th Century man of the cloth who shared his inheritance with the needy through anonymous gifts. Legend has it that after he died locals would put out food for the saint and straw for his donkey, which St. Nick would turn into toys and treats. That’s kinda cool in its own right, and a pretty good tradition.

Corny as it sounds, I like to think that there is still some magic involved, and there’s an inherent beauty in Christmas that, to me, overshadows the ridiculous marketing blitz that has become part of the holiday season. I remain fond of the legendary 1897 column by New York Sun writer Francis Pharcellus Church, famously titled, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,”:http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia and expect that the discussion with my son will start with a reading of it. We will talk about the “Dear Santa” letter we’ll be picking up from the post office, and discuss some charity work to aid the less fortunate.

So, the Santa myth will continue for my son, even if the secret is out. Then we can all sit back and marvel at the look of wonderment on the 3-year-old’s face, and the magic he believes in — for now. Let’s hope it lasts.

An uncle died last week after suffering a stroke during the summer. We attended the wake Thursday night and the funeral Friday morning. When I said we I mean me, my wife and our 17-year-old son. My 13-year-old son chose not to attend - even though in the past he has.

At the wake there were some children, one as young as four. And it got me thinking about how families with young children handle death. There seem to be two schools of thought on this – well at least two, because there is a vast middle ground. One holds that it’s good, and natural, for young children to participate in these mourning rituals for relatives or family friends. Others believe, though, that attendence may be too upsetting for young children and it’s best put off until they are older.

I suspect it all depends on the child. See what they think about going to the wake and saying some prayers for the deceased, or – if you are not religious – spending some time thinking and talking about the deceased. Then gauge his or her reaction.
As long as the child is not terribly frightened by the prospect of a wake or funeral service, I think there is much to be gained.

For one thing there are lessons there for children and adults about the importance and power of family bonds. As I sat in church Friday morning I watched my uncle’s grandson, a young man in his early 20s, read a passage from the Bible. He teared up and twice stopped in his reading. When finished, he walked back to his seat and his father, my cousin, put his hand around his shoulder, pulled him closer and kissed him on the forehead. It’s a moment I think I’ll remember.

After the wake I spoke to my youngest son and told him that some of his younger cousins were there. Maybe next time, I said, he will come along with us. My son’s immediate response may not have been realistic, but still it was somehow perfect: “I hope there is no next time.”

Thank God for CVS pharmacy and its themed displays, or I might never know what holiday was up next. And since the Christmas decorations are already up, I gather we’re skipping Thanksgiving this year. In fact, there were a few Christmas trees on display at a few local department stores before Halloween even rolled around this year.

Well, not to skip over Thanksgiving, but I’ve had my first discussion with my ex over splitting the Christmas presents for my son, so it must be time to start thinking ahead. This is complicated by the fact that his birthday is at the end of this month. He does love books, so there’ll be a dose of those. And he’s rediscovered Hot Wheels cars recently, so there’ll be some of that.

But I’m hearing from some fellow parents that it might be a good time to consider a few alternatives, particularly since a few that I’ve spoken to are seriously concerned about buying toys this year given the seemingly never-ending list of recalls. Obviously, you can select safe toys if you pay attention to recall lists, which many toy stores have available.

Still, I’ve heard some alternative suggestions. Homemade toys are a good idea, and, for older kids, donating to charity in their name is a worthy gift. Or consider tickets to an upcoming holiday event, such as “Willy Wonka”:http://tickets.tarrytownmusichall.org/eventperformances.asp?evt=725 at the Tarrytown Music Hall. Or “a candlelight tour”:http://www.hudsonvalley.org/component/option,com_jcalpro/Itemid,182/extmode,view/extid,71/date,2007-12-31 at historic Philipsburgh Manor in Sleepy Hollow. The New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx “has several events,”:http://www.nybg.org/families_and_fun/family_events.php including the Gingerbread Adventures and the Holiday Train Show.

If all works out, I’m hoping to include tickets for one of the above in the kids’ stockings this year, although the ability to plan ahead has never been one of my strongest assets. I’d also like to check out the Westchester Toy & Train Christmas Show at the Westchester County Center, which has “a lengthy list of upcoming events.”:http://www.westchestergov.com/calendar/ccorgcalquery.asp Of course, that’s on Dec. 9, well before the holidays. So I’m thinking it might be a good place to get gift ideas. Besides, I think the cat’s out of the bag on the Santa thing by now. Then again, that’s a blog for another day.

More than half of consumers will be giving at least one gift card this holiday. They are particularly popular options among aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc., who might not know the personal preferences of the recipient. I’m planning a story on the pitfalls and pluses of gift cards. Consumer Reports, the Yonkers-based consumer watchdog, has a lot to say on the topic to educate shoppers about the cards’ pros and cons, and I’m talking with them for the story. I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with the cards. If you’ve received gift cards, have you used them or did you leave them in your wallet? Has a store ever given you a hard time about redeeming one? What are your nieces, nephews and grandchildren telling you about their feelings on gift cards? Give me a call at 914-666-6189 or e-mail me at jalterio@lohud.com if you’d like to be part of the story.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that my son got so absorbed in J.K. Rowling’s book series about the boy wizard. It’s just that I want my son to read some of the classics as well.

Now, I love that he’s an avid reader, with a particular attraction to non-fiction and “fact books” like encyclopedias and atlases. He’s also read a number of childrens’ series, including Dan Gutman’s series of baseball biographies. When he was younger, he also read an abridged version of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain and enjoyed it.

But I think there’s great value for a child to read classic literature, and I’ve been nudging him and his mom for months to get him to try out some of those. Last week, he started to read Stephen Crane’s Red Badge of Courage, which I thought would tap into his interests in American history. Here’s the short follow-up list I put together for him:

• Call of the Wild by Jack London

• Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

• Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne

I figure that’s a short enough list, and I’m waiting to assess how he does with Crane. I’d also like to hear some other suggestions out there, particularly from parents who have older children. Let me know.

Every single parent has to make their own choice on when they’re ready to date. But why not test yourself?

I was surfing some Internet single-parent and parenting sites and came across this tidbit on the “About.com single-parent site,”:http://singleparents.about.com which I check out from time to time. And there I found this quick quiz, which apparently allows you to assess your readiness for dating if you’re a single parent. The test includes several levels of difficulty, which basically means you can control the number of questions you’re asked.

As I said, it’s a significant decision to make when you’re a parent and you’re starting to date again. But “take the quiz yourself”:http://singleparents.about.com/library/quiz/bl_online_dating_quiz.htm and see what you think. At the very minimum you’ll have some fun. And on the upside, it may help you make up your mind after all.

Toy Linked to ‘Date-Rape’ Drug Joins List of Recalls

By Oliver Staley and Ryan Flinn – Nov. 8 (Bloomberg News) — A Chinese-made toy containing a chemical linked to the so-called date-rape drug was recalled yesterday after two children fell ill. It is the latest in a series of warnings that has led to more than 21 million toys getting pulled from store shelves before the U.S. holiday shopping season.
Aqua Dots, which features small beads that bond with water, are made with a chemical the body converts to gamma-hydroxy butyrate, commonly known as the date-rape drug. Two children in the U.S. who swallowed the beads became comatose, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said in a statement.
The recall of the Aqua Dots, distributed by Toronto-based Spin Master Ltd., follows the withdrawal of millions of toys, vitamins and consumer products made in China over concerns about high-levels of lead and other chemicals. Consumer fears about harmful toys may affect holiday spending, with 35 percent of shoppers believing that products made outside the U.S. are not safe, according to a Nov. 1 study by Deloitte & Touche LLP.
Also today, Marvel Entertainment Inc. said it was voluntarily recalling 110,000 Curious George dolls after tests revealed lead levels that exceeded federal limits. On Nov. 6, Mattel Inc. asked consumers to stop using 196,000 kitchen toys made in Mexico because small pieces may pose a choking hazard to children.
Recalls for Lead
Mattel, the world’s largest toymaker, has issued several recalls this year, primarily because the products contained excessive lead paint or had loose magnets that might detach and be swallowed.
Spin Master said in a statement last night that more than 60 percent of the 4.2 million Aqua Dots units covered by the recall hadn’t reached consumers.
Aqua Dots contain 1,4-butanediol, an industrial solvent that the body converts to gamma-hydroxy butyrate, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s Web site.
The toys were produced by Melbourne-based Moose Enterprise Pty., Spin Master said.
The product, which is labeled Bindeez outside the U.S., sickened two Australian children as well, Melbourne’s Herald Sun newspaper reported Nov. 6.

National Adoption Day is one of those landmark days that comes around every year but most of us rarely notice. It’s kind of under the radar. But it’s also the kind of day that serves to remind us that, no matter how many of us are out here dealing with the ups and downs of parenting, there are way too many kids out there waiting for a mom or dad of their own.

This year, “National Adoption Day,”:http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/2007/index.asp which is meant to raise awareness to the plight of the more than 114,000 kids in foster care awaiting adoption, falls on Nov. 17.  For 2007, the goals include a move to finalize adoptions in all 50 states and to improve networking between courts, adoption agencies and advocacy groups.

My colleague Noreen O’Donnell “wrote about this”:http://www.thejournalnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071031/NEWS01/710310369/1265/COLUMNIST25 recently, highlighting some of the efforts that “Westchester County”:http://www.westchestergov.com/adoption will follow through with to commemorate the day. It’s worth reading through.

Personally, adoption is one of those things my girlfriend and I have both seriously wanted to do down the line, when we get more settled in. Clearly, it’s a challenge to take on, but one I suspect would be immensely rewarding. If you’ve had the same thought, check out “the state website”:http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/adopt on adoption.

Election Day provides a good opportunity to teach kids about our system of government. Obviously, most schools out there seize on the opportunity to incorporate that into their lesson plans, as my son’s school did this year. But why not follow up at home?

Here’s one way: Check out “The Dirksen Congressional Center”:http://www.dirksencenter.org website. The Illinois-based center is named after former longtime Congressman Everett McKinley Dirksen, who served significant terms in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, serving as Senate minority leader from 1959 to 1969. One of the Senate office buildings in D.C., is named for him.

The Dirksen Center’s website includes a “Congress for Kids”:http://www.congressforkids.net/index.htm link that includes facts and figures about our government, as well as some quizzes, designed for kids to use. It also includes a page about “Election Day.”:http://www.congressforkids.net/Elections_electionday.htm

See what you think. And don’t forget to go out and vote. That’s a pretty good lesson to teach the kids also.

For the last nine months I’ve been on the college hunt with my oldest son, who is in the 12th grade. All of a sudden I have to add another academic search – a high school for my youngest son who is in the eighth grade.

Both sons are in an unusual public school – for our area at least. It goes from kindergarten through high school. Four years ago I had my doubts about keeping my older son in the same school for 12 years. I wanted him in a new school, where he could meet new kids and also benefit by better facilities of a full-fledged high school.  My wife, though, was convinced he couldn’t handle a bigger school, in part because he has dyslexia. My oldest son was never a shrinking violet so I didn’t share those fears. But it’s a marriage and you have to compromise (even when you know you are right.)

Now it’s time to make the decision for my youngest son – who like my oldest son,  has dyslexia*. I still have the old reasons for him to go to another school, but also a new one too. I want him to be able to pursue his interest in track. His school has a basketball team, which his brother plays, but does not have a track team.

It’s helpful for kids to grow up with a sport to which they are devoted. It provides another thing for a kid to feel good about. And those teen years can be rough; a kid needs as many things as possible to bolster his or her confidence.

Right now we’re looking at more traditional public high schools and a couple of Catholic high schools. So far my wife is on board with this plan, but the deadline is looming. We have to make a decision in early December.  

*In one of my first postings, I wrote about some of my oldest son’s experience with dyslexia. I promised more but never returned. I hope to do so soon.