Daddy time
-
- January
- 29
On the one hand, it’s gratifying, helpful and reassuring when there’s actually something written for single/separated/divorced fathers. There’s just not as much for us out there.
On the other hand, it seems like dads are characterized as the secondary parent. Whether or not that’s the case statistically in terms of single-parent homes nationwide, it always frustrates me that single dads are assumed to have lesser custody status and little time for the kids. Maybe I’m just reading that into it, maybe not.
And perhaps we do have to step up more. But most of the single dads that I know love their kids, make time and, in many cases, split custody 50-50, the way my ex and I do. So when do we get equal billing? Have we earned it?
With that in mind, I did my regular surfing on “The Single Parents Network”:http://singleparentsnetwork.com this morning and came across one such article for single fathers. It’s on the site’s father’s link, which is one of the features I like about the network.
It’s “a very good tips list,”:http://singleparentsnetwork.com/Articles/Detailed/267.html which regular readers know is something I’m fond of posting. But what’s with tip 1? Other than a glitch that makes the print tiny (not great for my aging eyes), it seems to assume an absentee dad. Or am I reading too much into it again?
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Print
| 
Email
You have to remember the person who wrote this article is a woman. There is a bias about single dads, not that they aren’t good dads just invisible. Single moms get the publicity. And most men I know with children don’t identify themselves as “single dad” like women who wear “single mom” as a badge of courage. Most men with children are just dads. My experience has been that more women do the majority of the caretaking and parenting time. I know that is changing but with younger children the child generally stays with the mom for more time. That doesn’t make it right but even in two parent homes the mother generally does most of the childrearing while the child is especially young. When divorce does come along a lot of men simply haven’t had the experience of taking care of the kids for long periods of time without assistance. In other words the roles have usually been established before the marriage falls apart and with all of the other chaos of a divorce happening its difficult to change ones position. I’m not saying this right. Kudos to you for being a full time single parent.
Actually, I’m not a full time single parent. I have a 50-50 custody agreement with my ex, so I’m a half-time single parent. It’s more about equal billing when it’s valid.
My point was that divorced or separated dads are often portrayed as a secondary part of their child’s life.
As you pointed out, it is a bias, whether fair or unfair, that comes from statistical reality. So, perhaps more dads have to step up as well. It’s just not such a broad-stroke situation any more, and the literature is slow in catching up.
Of course you are a full time single parent. You might not be with your children 24 hours a day 7 days a week but who is? Hell, hids are in school 1/3 of their lives where neither parent is taking care of them. Does that make them 2/3rds time parents? Of course not. This illustrates the point perfectly.