When I lived in Larchmont, my bookshelves were in harmony. I lived just two blocks from the library and satisfied most of my reading needs through borrowing. Plus, we had a one-bedroom apartment — there just wasn’t room to accumulate books. But now, we have a house and live 10 miles from the town library. That combination has led to an unfortunate swelling of our book collection. We have built-in book cases on either side of the fireplace— all full. We have a large bookcase in my office — full. We even have an end table that’s designed to hold books. Add in other assorted smaller bookshelves that are all bulging and you get the idea.

The question I have is whether I should do a major thinning of my shelves? I did once before and pretty much culled out the chaff. Now, most of my books are ones I liked. A lot. Yesterday, as I was glancing at my shelves of fiction, I realized I probably won’t read many of the books again. But, I am reluctant to part with them for one reason: Pumpkin. I love the idea of her someday browsing the shelves and finding books that inspire her, educate her and thrill her— all on her parents’ bookshelves. I can imagine the conversations we might have. So, for now, I am thinking I’ll have to keep the books— but they are starting to really get out of control. Especially the piles next to my nightstand.

What about the rest of you moms and dads who are avid readers — or for that matter, audiophiles or movie fans? Do you thin your collections of books, CDs and DVDs? Or, are you holding these in trust, as it were, for the next generation to enjoy? And if you are holding onto them, what are your savvy solutions for stowing stuff so that you can live in your house without tripping over your portable media collections?

I was listening to one of the presidential primary debates recently and someone threw out a reference to child care costs, and how some Americans had trouble managing the $1,000 monthly cost. $1,000? Talk about low end. Move to Westchester, then we’ll talk child care costs.

I’m sure someone out there can point to one or two pre-K placements in the region that comes in at $1,000, whether it’s through subsidized care programs or otherwise. Personally, I don’t know of any under $1,200, and that’s being generous.

Either way, the point is well taken: Child care costs a small fortune, and it’s a serious issue in the nation right now. For a divorced or single parent, it could be a huge fortune.

Greater minds than mine have delved into this, and here we still are. What I was able to find was an article on this at the “Child Care Aware”:http://www.childcareaware.org/en website. Perhaps it’s not the definitive help list on this, but it does offer some suggestions on “managing child care costs.”:http://www.childcareaware.org/en/subscriptions/areyouaware/article.php?id=92

So, while we wait for the presidential hopefuls to find a way to deliver the goods, let’s get a little proactive.

I can’t say I’m a numbers geek, but I do like to look at the figures now and again to see how things play out demographically. With that in mind, this is new data from the U.S. Census that found that 94 percent of kids in the nation live with at least one biological parent.

Of course, that covers a wide range of scenarios, from traditional mom-dad-kids homes to blended families to single-parent homes. Perhaps more telling is another statistic: That 61 percent of kids lived with both biological parents, whether they’re married or not. This might be one of those glass half-full or half-empty questions. Is that a positive statistic? Or is the number not high enough?

My wife, oldest son and I visited Stony Brook University yesterday to check out the school that’s vaulted to first place on my son’s list of college choices.

It’s a big school; lecture halls are routine for most classes he’s going to take his first year. Also since its an NCAA Division One school, chances are just about zero that he will play for the school basketball team, something that occuppied a lot of his time in his last two years of high school. That’s not to say the school doesn’t have a lot going for it. There’s just a lot to sort through.

Asked what my son thought about the school, he answered: “Good.” What did he like in particular: “Nothing.” What didn’t you like: “Nothing.” And how it compared with other schools we’ve visited: “About the same.”

My son can make Humphrey Bogart seem absolutely chatty.

After the tour, as my son and I walked to get the car, I suggested that it’s OK to feel anxious about going to college. He immediately insisted he wasn’t. Is that exhibit number one that he is worried?

So how do I get him to talk a little more? I’m kind of at a loss.; talking about feelings is not something he is particulary good at.  I’ve told him some about my experiences at college. I guess I’ll tell him a more, especially the funny things. That can’t hurt.

Meanwhile last night, I made an offer: ”I know you’re not worried about college, but anytime you want to talk about college with me you can.”

He gave a half smile-half laugh, a gesture that could have meant nearly anything. It could have meant “I’m not talking; it’s no big deal.” Or perhaps, ”Thanks, dad.”  

Here’s the scenario: A group of kids in a pre-K class were given a homework assignment that required them to make a snowman. It was part of an arts & crafts project. Sounds good, right? Fun for the kids; some creative input from the parents.

This was at the pre-K where my girlfriend’s son goes, and she had fun helping him put together a snowman made from paper plates, glue, glitter, markers and some fluffy stuff. He was way proud, and should’ve been.

Now, we all know what happens in these situations. Some parents do the project for their kids so the kid will have the best one in the class. As if that’s the point. Anyway, it certainly was the case here. But that’s not the issue.

When they presented these things in the class, they actually gave awards for the best ones. That is to say, only two or three of the kids got rewarded, and most of the kids didn’t win an award, and got a certificate for doing it. Our little guy was heartbroken.

That strikes me as wrong. I’m all for teaching kids to be competitive and all. But at 3 and 4, I’d opt to give all the kids some kind of award, just to reward their efforts on the arts & crafts project.

What do you think?

There probably isn’t a child in the world who has made it through the winter without a cold or cough.

We’ve all heard a lot this winter about the dangers of over-the-counter cough and cold medicines. So what are we supposed to do when our kids get sick?

The “American College of Emergency Physicians”:http://www.acep.org. has some advice.

Acetaminophen or ibuprofen for children over 6 months can help make kids more comfortable. It’s also important to keep the child warm, comfortable and hydrated, according to the group.

Some other ideas:

• Use steam from a bath, shower or a humidifier to loosen mucus and clear up clogged nasal passages.
• Keep the head elevated above the heart to decrease congestion and aid with sinus drainage. For best results, place an extra pillow under the head or under the mattress.
• Squirt saline (either a homemade or OTC preparation) into the nose to keep nasal passages irrigated.
• Apply cold or hot compresses to congested sinus areas.
• Dispense sore-throat lozenges, which help stimulate antibody-rich saliva and relieve sore, scratchy throats. (Children under age 3 should not be given cough drops because of the possibility of choking.)
• Gargle using a teaspoon of salt dissolved in warm water, or a mixture of one teaspoon of honey (for children over age 2), one tablespoon of lemon and two cups of hot water, cooled to room temperature.
• Getting lots of sleep and relaxation is the best way to help the immune system fight off nasty invaders. And staying home when sick prevents viruses from spreading.
• Prevent the spread of germs to others through frequent hand washing and disinfection of surfaces, and by sneezing or coughing into tissues or the crook of one’s arm at the elbow.
• Dab mentholated ointment (containing menthol, eucalyptus and camphor) around the base of the nose to help open up clogged nasal passages and soothe raw, red nostrils.
• Avoid air travel. The changes in air pressure during takeoff and landing can cause a broken eardrum, especially in babies. If flying is a must, administering saline to the nose, chewing gum (if the child is old enough) and drinking a beverage prior to reaching cabin pressurization (at 10,000 ft.) can help.
• Get vaccinated against influenza.

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s a big holiday for a lot of moms and dads out there — and not because they are celebrating a romantic occasion. In an earlier post on Valentine’s Day, I mentioned that I was writing a story for today’s paper about how the holiday is breaking out of the old definition of romantic love and into a broader sense of love among friends and family. Here’s a link to today’s story. To report this story, I sent out a raft of e-mails to the great people I’ve met as a reporter and blogger. I heard back from quite a few of you, and many people had an interesting story on the topic. Here are some of them that I wasn’t able to fit into my story for the paper:

The dog ate my Valentine: That was the case at the home of Eleanor Petigrow of Goldens Bridge, a mother of three daughters ages 7, 10 and 13. Knowing her daughters like to give presents to their friends, Eleanor planned ahead and right after Christmas bought a bunch of presents, including a huge chocolate heart and jellybeans. The only problem was she stored them behind the TV set in her office — a location reachable by the family’s 90-pound yellow lab. “I got a call at work. The dog had eaten everything and was really sick. We had to take him to the hospital and have his stomach pumped. They had never seen so much chocolate in a dog,” said Petigrow, who was scrambling earlier this week to replace the gifts with homemade chocolate lollypops.

Romance, what’s that?: Just ask Anne Colluci of White Plains, who nixed the idea of a fancy night out when she considered the cost and logistics of being a mom. “My husband and I had a fleeting thought of going to dinner at our club, Westchester Hills Golf Club, on Valentine’s Day. They are having a special dinner with a band and all. However, after thinking about how much money I would spend on a sitter and the work involved in coordinating it all on a school night, I quickly dismissed the idea!” she said. Anne did, however, buy red bookmarks and pencils for her children to give as class gifts. And, when I talked to her earlier this week, she was planning a trip to the mall to buy red attire for the kids to wear to school today.

Staying home is the best Valentine: Scott van Niekerk, who runs Wholistic Physical Therapy in Brewster, is fittingly scornful of the material side of the holiday, given his line of work. He and his wife were planning to spend a family day with their “2-year-old bundle of joy and a 3-month-old bump in the tummy.” “We will do a ‘stay home from work’ day to spend with each other and our beloved first born — the BEST family gift ever,” Scott wrote in an e-mail to me.

Baby comes first: Sasha Oxman Solow, who runs Sasha’s in Rye, put together a Valentine’s gift for her son, Michael, including a stuffed animal, a book about love and a red Slinky. Michael — really Sasha, of course — is giving a box of Valentine’s Day goodies to his daddy, who will be away on business today. Sasha also bought cards from her son to his grandparents and great-grandparents. “In my store, I sell a lot of Valentines Day gifts from parents to their kids. The most popular gifts are Valentines Day pajamas with hearts on them. Moms also purchase a lot of jewelry as Valentine’s gifts. We also sell Valentines day novelties like heart-shaped lipgloss, rubber heart rings, red & white Rubik’s Cubes, Valentine-themed stuffed animals, band-aids with hearts on them and heart-shaped playing cards,” she said. Among the customers: young boys coming in for Valentine’s Day gifts for their “girlfriends.”

No ideas for the hubbie: Like me, Pound Ridge resident Lisa Brotmann, a mom of two, was behind earlier this week on the buying-for-the-husband front. But she had already lined up something for her parents and the kids. “I think that for people who are married with children, the holiday becomes more of a family holiday. For single people I am sure it is still all about the romance and flowers. I can’t imagine at this stage of my life taking time out on a Thursday night to get a sitter and go out to a romantic dinner with my husband. In fact, I was already thinking about what meal I could make that was festive for the holiday, perhaps heart-shaped pancakes or heart-shaped mini meatloaves,” she said.

Big day for busy moms: This e-mail from Gretchen Menzies of Bedford says it all: “I have spent the last two weeks decorating shoe boxes, turning them into fabulous Valentine mailboxes, working on class Valentines and planning the kindergarten class Valentine’s party (I am the crazy mom who signed up to be class parent), a festivity full of cupcakes, pink icing, games and knick knacks. I am usually not one for over-doing Valentine’s day for the family, but the kids’ school life seems to require making this the momentous occasion of the year. By the time I have iced, mailed, crafted and discussed with the kids, what’s left for romance? And to be honest, this body? Not gonna wear any lingerie any time soon.”

On a holiday shopping trip at Target in December, I just happened to look up on a high shelf and spot a really, really cute purple glitter Christmas tree that was just 2 feet tall. Purple happens to be Pumpkin’s favorite color — by far. Her room is purple, so that may be what triggered the obsession, but obsession it is.

“What color are mama’s eyes?”
“Purple.”

“What color is the sky?”
“Purple”

Me, singing: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.”
Pumpkin: ”… when skies are purple.”

So, the purple tree was irresistible. I thought it might be a fun novelty for the holidays. But then a wonderful thing happened. A spur-of-the-minute gift turned into a tradition. Every night before bed, we turned on the tree’s lights before reading books. Then we turned off the lamp and sang peaceful Christmas carols to the soft glow of the tree. Over the course of a month, we got used to the ritual. When it came time to put away the holiday decor, we all missed the tree.

So, I started thinking about finding another kind of light, one that would be appropriate the whole year around. Taking my cue from Pumpkin’s other obsession — cats — I found the Siamese cat lamp by Offi (pictured above) at Oompa toys.

It’s in a box waiting for Pumpkin to open tomorrow for Valentine’s Day. I am very excited to see her reaction. My only concern is that she’ll hug the lamp too much! You should have seen how crumpled the tree got!

So, I did it. I made a play date for today with a neighbor down the block who has a really cute 18-month-old son named Ethan. This might not seem remarkable to people who know me well and think of me as pretty outgoing, but the fact is: I have been very shy when it comes to making playmates. Pumpkin and I can count on one hand the number of play dates we’d had so far — OK, to be perfectly honest — two fingers. (And yes, I feel very guilty about this.) But there’s something about asking another mom if she wants to get together that brings out the insecure junior high school kid in me. After all, at this age, it’s not like I’m dropping Pumpkin off at the curb. A play date means the mom has to spend the time with me. “But, you’re a reporter! You should be good at talking to people!” I can hear you saying this. And, it’s true, I can pretty much walk up to anyone and interview them. But, the thing is, I don’t know if these skills carry over into the world of women’s friendships. (It doesn’t help when your play date skills get rejected. After one play date that I thought was successful, I didn’t get a second invite.)

Despite this, I got bold about today because we’re going to do something very active together — taking the kids to Leapin’ Lizards in Port Chester. Also, we won’t be tête-à-tête because it turns out Ethan already had a play date today and his buddy (and mom) will be coming along, too. Between the chaos of keeping track of three toddlers at the giant indoor play center, I think we’ll all have a good time.

I bring this topic up because I think about how much a parent’s social skills affect their children’s lives. Growing up, my mom worked, so she was never the classroom mom. She wasn’t a big joiner, either, so we didn’t have a network of community contacts. Looking back, it would have been kind of nice to have a mom involved in the school, sitting in the back of the table at bake sales, hanging around the auditorium during school plays, etc. I aspire to be that kind of mom for my daughter, but then I think to myself, “You can’t even arrange a play date without getting the willies!”

What about the rest of you parents? Are you rolling your eyes and saying, “Get over it!” Or, have you had similar qualms? Those of you with active play date schedules: How do you do it? Do you just say to a friendly face at library story hour: “Say, do you want to get these two hooligans together sometime?” Or what?

Raising kids isn’t easy. It’s even harder when they’re not yours.

And there are two distinct sides to the dynamic: Your child and your partner’s child.

Yours: You have to learn to relinquish control, and allow that your partner is going to be in a parenting role with your child — regardless of how subtly you introduce them to the role. This has admittedly been hard for me, only because my son and I had been alone for so many years and established, not only a strong bond, but a set of rules that revolved around the two of us. I’m learning.

Partner’s: This is not your biological child, and he has a father. Yet, you are in a parenting role, again, regardless of how slowly you enter into it. This is a tough balancing act for me, because I want my girlfriend’s son to continue to like me and accept me. But I also have to adhere to the rules set out for him, and correct misconduct when it’s necessary. I’m trying to find that balance.

Well, here are “some things to keep in mind,”:http://www.kidsfirstinternet.org/infostepparentyounger.htm from a link that was forwarded to me. But it’s also a “gut” thing, and you have to work with your partner to ensure all the kids in the home — biological kids and stepkids alike — feel that the rules apply evenly to them. We’re working on that balance as well.

Because if you’re trying to build a blended family, you have to accept that they really are yours after all.

My kids have 15 days of school for the entire month of February and that’s counting Leap Day! There’s that pesky Superintendent’s Conference Day that will keep them home this Friday. (Do they really have to schedule that in February???)

Then one week of school before the week-long February break. What’s a working parent to do? I’ve registered one child for a one-day program at the West Nyack Library, but I’m still looking for options to keep them occupied. Any ideas?

Yesterday I wrote about my elder son getting his first college-acceptance letter. He’s growing up and this post documents one of the more surprising examples.

One workday a few months ago, I woke up to find my son ironing a dress shirt. Then he asked for help in knotting in his tie. This event  has repeated itself  on a weekly basis since then. Pretty shocking for a boy whose wardrobe from age seven consisted mainly of baggy jeans and t-shirts.

So what’s going on? The dress-up order came from my son’s high school basketball coach. Whenever the team visits another school for a basketball game, the players need to wear dress pants, shirt and tie.  An interesting idea, similar to what happened in the NBA some years back.

I’m certainly not complaining, even when it meant shopping with him shortly after Chrsitmas and buying him a some ties, dress shirts and dress pants. There are some surprises about parenthood that no one tells you about.

Have you noticed a similar transformation in your high school student? 

I recently realized I have bought all of my daughter’s Valentine gifts — yes, that’s plural — and even my mom’s, but haven’t gotten one thing for my husband yet! It got me thinking: Is Valentine’s Day even about romance anymore? I looked into it a bit and found a survey that predicts the average consumer will spend $122.98 this year on Valentine’s Day. While $79.99 is likely to go to a love interest, $23.89 will be spent on other family members, $5.75 on friends, $3.02 on coworkers and even $2.65 on pets. When I read this, I realized I wasn’t alone, and I decided to write a story.

If you are buying Valentine’s goodies for the kids and others in your life, give me a call at 914-666-6189, or drop me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com. I’d love to hear from you.

(Oh, and I’m also exploring how Valentine’s Day has gotten to be the second biggest holiday for spending next to the Christmas/Hanukah season. Yup, second, to the tune of $17 billion this year. Even Halloween is just $5 billion. So, if you are one of those ones who goes all out for Cupid, give me a call, too.)

An oversized envelope from SUNY Stony Brook arrived at my house this week. It’s appearance had been heralded by a phone call from the elder of my two sons who told me that he had something to show me when I got home from work.

Stuffed with a colorful brochure touting the advantages of this state school, the envelope contained an acceptance letter. So now I know – it’s those skinny little envelopes that bring the bad news. One down, eight more to go. 

As a parent it’s reassuring to know that a college actually wants your child. It’s a relief because, like most parents, I have had occasion to mutter under my breath that I no longer want him. Please, tell me I’m not the only one.

The interesting thing is, that’s happened less frequently in recent months. He seems to have finally figured out that his parents, while they love him, are not his unpaid servants. He actually helps out around the house without much of a fuss now: He goes to the supermarket once a week and vacuums nearly as often, among other chores. This son is growing up. One down, one more to go.

Please write and tell us how your family is handling the wait for college-acceptance letters.

With so many unmarried couples moving in together, it was only a matter of time before lawyers figured out a way to make some cash from the situation. So now there’s an increase in cohabitation agreements, which lay out the rules for out-of-wedlock couples. This doesn’t apply just to single parent blended families, but having kids in the mix ups the stakes a bit for single parents.

I’m not pushing for the agreements, but think it’s a good idea to have some questions addressed and some issues ironed out in those situations. This is something we’ve addressed piecemeal in our home, and something we need to go back and address in more detail.

With that in mind, I found “this checklist for couples”:http://www.divorce360.com/articles/460/live-together-and-do-it-legally.aspx who are sharing a home but not a marriage. It’s another one of those tip sheets I love to put out there, as I think they lay the groundwork for serious discussion in single-parent and blended-family households. At least it’s a start.