Who is having the play date?
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- February
- 12
So, I did it. I made a play date for today with a neighbor down the block who has a really cute 18-month-old son named Ethan. This might not seem remarkable to people who know me well and think of me as pretty outgoing, but the fact is: I have been very shy when it comes to making playmates. Pumpkin and I can count on one hand the number of play dates we’d had so far — OK, to be perfectly honest — two fingers. (And yes, I feel very guilty about this.) But there’s something about asking another mom if she wants to get together that brings out the insecure junior high school kid in me. After all, at this age, it’s not like I’m dropping Pumpkin off at the curb. A play date means the mom has to spend the time with me. “But, you’re a reporter! You should be good at talking to people!” I can hear you saying this. And, it’s true, I can pretty much walk up to anyone and interview them. But, the thing is, I don’t know if these skills carry over into the world of women’s friendships. (It doesn’t help when your play date skills get rejected. After one play date that I thought was successful, I didn’t get a second invite.)
Despite this, I got bold about today because we’re going to do something very active together — taking the kids to Leapin’ Lizards in Port Chester. Also, we won’t be tête-à -tête because it turns out Ethan already had a play date today and his buddy (and mom) will be coming along, too. Between the chaos of keeping track of three toddlers at the giant indoor play center, I think we’ll all have a good time.
I bring this topic up because I think about how much a parent’s social skills affect their children’s lives. Growing up, my mom worked, so she was never the classroom mom. She wasn’t a big joiner, either, so we didn’t have a network of community contacts. Looking back, it would have been kind of nice to have a mom involved in the school, sitting in the back of the table at bake sales, hanging around the auditorium during school plays, etc. I aspire to be that kind of mom for my daughter, but then I think to myself, “You can’t even arrange a play date without getting the willies!”
What about the rest of you parents? Are you rolling your eyes and saying, “Get over it!” Or, have you had similar qualms? Those of you with active play date schedules: How do you do it? Do you just say to a friendly face at library story hour: “Say, do you want to get these two hooligans together sometime?” Or what?
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, February 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am by Julie Moran Alterio.
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My daughter just turned two and while she likes to be around other children, she’s still not interacting with them much. At the playground, library, gymclass, etc. I’m always a little nervous to talk to the other moms, but feel it’s necessary if I’m ever going to make friends for my daughter (and myself). It seems like the nannies are better at mingling at the parks than the new moms are! Why is that?
A brief exchange with another mom at the park is fairly easy, but when it comes to committing to a one-on-one playdate at someone’s house, it’s a lot tougher. I’ve decided that meeting other moms is along the lines of “dating” – you have a nice conversation at a playground or maybe the library then decide to set up a play”date” at a public place. If it goes well, then you set up another “date” with the kids, maybe at one of our houses this time. But if by the third “date”, the conversation isn’t easily flowing between the other mom and myself and the kids aren’t interested in one another, then our playdates are over. Time to move on.
Fortunately for me at this stage, my daughter is still too young to be requesting to play with any other kids that she met at daycare, so I get to decide which moms and kids we spend time with. I know that won’t last much longer.
The bottom line is I need to meet other moms that I would be friends with even if we didn’t have kids…and that’s not easy to find. With infants and toddlers, the playdates are as much for the moms as they are for the kids. So, you ned to find people you’re comfortable with. Setting up that first play”date” brings me back to my single days every time.
Andrea
My daughter is almost two. It took forever for me to ask the neighbour upstairs for a playdate. We haven’t set anything up yet but I told her if she was ever interested to let me know. So why am I getting an upset stomach just thinking about the day she will. I’m really shy socially and I’m afraid of being judged by other moms. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s taking me awhile to get over it. So your not alone out there.