The ex-family unit
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- April
- 4
My son wants to make it to a Yankee game this year before they shut down the historic Bronx stadium for good and move next door. No problem there. I’m a longtime and avid fan, and took him to his first game there years ago. I myself have been going to games since 1970, when my dad and uncle took us to the old stadium to see the Bombers get demolished by the Orioles. I also had partial season tickets for years, when I worked out of the Bronx County Courthouse during my stint at the Daily News.
Here’s the catch: My son wants to go with just me and his mom — the former family unit.
I have some mixed feelings on this, and it makes for some awkwardness. I’ve always felt fortunate that my ex and I were able to maintain a friendship, and that we are all able to get along. My girlfriend and I had my ex and her husband over for Christmas Eve dinner (it’s a feast we call Noche Buena in Cuban culture, and it’s a big deal for us), and I had Easter brunch with my ex, her family and her husband last month. As I’ve blogged before, we all went trick-or-treating together last year as well.
To be fair, I can see how my son might simply view an outing to a Yankee game as an extension of the friendship his mom and I maintain. But at the same time, I feel like excluding his mom’s husband and his dad’s new partner is a sign that he may be clinging to something. Obviously, he wouldn’t be the first child to want his parents together, even if it is just for a baseball game.
But are we letting him mislead himself if we go along? Or is it just his wish to have an outing with his parents?
Or am I just making too much out of it?
This entry was posted
on Friday, April 4th, 2008 at 1:06 pm by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon.
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It’s hard for me to imagine that this could be a good idea. Why not plan a trip with all the current partners? You, your girlfriend, your son’s mom and her husband. It does sound a little bit like letting him pull you guys together in a way that doesn’t match the reality of your lives and that could cause major upsets in your relationship with your girlfriend and his mom’s relationship with her husband—which would not be good for him in the long run, either.
Thanks for the input, Jill.
I think the preferred thing would be an outing with all of us, as I told my ex today and as you suggested. I think all of us are aware that we, as blended families, need to make some individual time for our own children, while reinforcing our roles in those two separate families, just as my son begins to find his place in those families.
However, I’m still trying to figure out where the boundaries lie, particularly as my friendship with my ex remains important for my son’s sake. More to the point, we need to figure out what my son’s thought process is in making the request, and whether there is something more to it.
On one level it seems innocent enough. On another, it might be setting him up for disappointment.
I plan to gently address this in a discussion with my son and take it from there, and pick his mom’s brain a bit on what her thoughts are on the whole thing.