It’s vacation negotiation time….again
-
- May
- 14
Is it that time of year already?
Seems to me that every year my ex and I do this vacation juggling act with our son: Who gets him which week, who has to compromise their plans, who put in for a particular week first, and so on and so on. Frankly, it’s when our amicable custodial agreement is most tested.
This year, my girlfriend and I have plans to head south to spend a week at a beach resort with our two boys, although our departure is delayed one day because of a scheduling conflict with my ex. My ex, meanwhile, has to interrupt her week away to drive back and drop my son off for my scheduled weekend with him. Well, it happens. We’ll work around it. The real tricky part comes with the bartering for weekends. It’s inevitable that we have to swap our weekends for this or that three-day getaway: I want to fly out and see my brother and my nephews on her weekend; she wants to extend her vacation by keeping our son over my weekend.
Let the negotiations begin!
We always end up working it out, and have somehow managed to keep our post-divorce friendship intact. But it leaves me wondering if there isn’t a system we could put into play, or some process that would make this whole juggling act function more smoothly in years to come, particularly as it’s not just the two of us that are affected by our scheduling: There’s her husband and his son, and my girlfriend and her little boy — our blended family. Everyone is potentially inconvenienced if it tips the wrong way.
So, does anyone have a fool-proof formula for this stuff?
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at 1:18 pm by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon.
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Hey,
not sure how i came upon your blog, but I did. I’m in your area (Nyack). Used to own the restaurant “Reality Bites.” Have a blog at damneddads.com. Perhaps a little more angst-ridden than yours, but thought we could exchange links? you can reach me at angstunltd@gmail.com
cheers,
steve
My ex and I divide holidays each year – one gets Thanksgiving with the kids, the other gets Xmas; one gets Mem Day, the other gets Labor Day, etc. In summer, one of us gets first dibs on a month-long stretch with the kids; next summer, the other gets first dibs.
It has worked well, for the most part, and has only fallen apart when one of us hasn’t respected the boundaries of the arrangement. But that’s easily solved by waving the agreement in the air and suggesting an attorney might help restore order. (We have an amicable relationship when things stay on track!)
I am not in your position. But i have seen these issues played out amongst others.
Its all fair and equitable until someone loses an eye.
As the Jethro Tull song goes: Nothing is Easy.
In the end its about the kid and your own personal sanity.
The minute you look for a cookie cutter solution is the minute you will create a bigger issue which may negatively impact the relationship.
Maybe not keeping track of the exact amount of time the child spends. But make sure that if the “schedules” get changed that when the one parent or the other needs to change it just gets changed without the usual well how do i get my day(s) back.
Like i said , this is an outsider’s view so see it for what it is.. good luck with the situation ..
Our arrangement is similar to the one dadshouse described. And, likewise, it’s when someone doesn’t respect the arrangement that it gets sticky. I gave up a lot of Thanksgiving because my ex’s family is here and mine is in Florida, so I’ve let him head over there. So far we’re good on Christmas, because my ex is Jewish and agreed that I’d always have him on Christmas, although she comes over in the morning. That’s bound to get tricky now that she’s married to a Christian, but we’ll fight that battle when it comes up. I’m certainly not likely to relent on that one.