I really don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m hoping I turned a corner with my girlfriend’s son. I think it’s the kind of thing any single dad in a new blended family looks for. At least my fingers are crossed.
Let me back up. Father’s Day brought all the expected rewards for me this year: I spent the day with my son, including a movie, a trail hike in the woods and a pretty lengthy X-Box session. Then the three of us went out to a nice steak dinner. My son also presented me with his present, which is a portable leather-bound notebook that I can use for work. He decorated it with some very clever arts & crafts, which will make it a keepsake I will never want to part with. The only thing missing was the presence of my girlfriend’s 4-year-old son, who, and rightfully so, spent the day and night with his dad.

The breakthrough for came with my girlfriend’s little boy. At the end of last week, he shyly presented me with a drawing he did at day care, which consisted of his hand print in blue on a sheet of paper. He also took a pen and tried to write his name for me, and presented it as my Father’s Day present from him. I was blown over.

Then, his dad called us over the weekend to let us know that his son had presented him with a “monkey” that he made in school for Father’s Day. He said, however, that the boy actually made two presents — one for me and one for his dad. Wow.

The significance for me should be obvious. The most important — and hardest — thing for a single parent going into a blended family situation is his or her relationship with their partner’s child or children. For us, it’s been progressing: My son genuinely likes my girlfriend and recently expressed to me, after she and I had a disagreement, that he wanted us all to stay together. It’s not something we contemplated, but I appreciated that he expressed the emotion. It meant quite a bit to both of us.

With her son, it’s been a big more tenuous. He’s younger and still confused by the dual roles that his dad and I play in his life. He understands I’m a dad to my son, and that I’m in a parenting role with him. I have never sought to replace his dad, of course. But it is important that he ultimately understand the nurturing and supportive — and occasionally disciplinary — role that I do and will continue to play in his life. That’s why his gesture on Father’s Day means the world to me.

So, I have no idea what this “monkey” present is, but I imagine it will be one of the most wonderful things I’ll see for some time. The hand-print drawing he made me is already on the fridge, alongside the many projects he’s given his mom, and that my son has given me. The “Green Day” fridge magnets my girlfriend gave my son last year are also there. The “monkey” will have a prominent place on our shelf, just as I will proudly use the leather-bound notebook my son presented me with.

As I said, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. But I’m feeling more and more like part of a family.