A couple of weeks ago I drove my oldest son out to Stony Brook University for freshman orientation. I’m not sure which of us was more excited.

It was a lot different from my college, the Brooklyn Center of Long Island University. That was a collection of buildings around a concerete yard, euphemistically described as “an urban campus.” This was in the early 1970s. when Brooklyn hadn’t recovered from the Dodgers leaving town and there was a dangerous scent of decay all around.

In contrast, Stony Brook is a big-league college campus that stretches out in all directions. This SUNY school won’t be confused with Georgetown, or Fordham or even NYU, however. There’s lots of utilitarian ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s architecture, though Stony Brook seems to be compensating with lots of greenery and newer buildings that have a friendly and generous feeling.

My son went to his orientation session and I went mine. It was thorough and ran 6 1/2 hours. They told us about about academics, meal plans, campus jobs, and dorms that sometimes squeeze three incoming students into a room meant for two. They talked about campus security, and if my son didn’t get the message that the dorm room needs to be locked when he goes out, I did.

Then they told us that the bill  for tuition, room and board would be arriving soon. Oh, and it needs to be paid by Sept. 15.  But since it’s one-third the cost of a lot of private schools, I’m a big SUNY fan.   I told my neighbor, and now she’s teachng her 4-year-old to say SUNY – over and over.

At lunch a few of the parents wandered around the campus. We liked what we saw and we wanted to go back to school. As for our kids? Let them wait their turn. They probably wouldn’t appreciate it as much as we would.

How many shared-custody situations are out there where the child prefers one parent’s home to the other because “it’s more fun?” Particularly for younger children, this usually means that one parent’s home is all about play and the other involves actual parenting — rules and restrictions and doctor visits and doing homework.

I can think of several single- and divorced-parent situations where this is the case. In one friend’s case, the dad’s house has tons of toys and the child is routinely treated to milk shakes, donuts and sweets, and is allowed to fall asleep on the couch watching TV. Because the dad routinely has the child on weekends, there are few situations where the child has to be woken up early, dressed and prepared for school. The child gets up when the child gets up, and then it’s usually a day of fun in the sun.

Then there’s the mom. She has to get the child to school, has to be more conscious of dietary needs and is constantly trying to include vegetables and protein in meals. There are plenty of toys and play time, but with school, doctor visits and other utilitarian tasks built in, it pales in comparison to the nearly limitless play time at dad’s house. The end result is the parent trying to do the right thing for the child is the “less fun” parent, and has to regularly hear her child ask to go to daddy’s house.

She’s not alone. Another friend’s teenagers see their dad’s house as a refuge and a “safe place” when the mom tries to set curfews and limits on this or that. She’s forced to instill discipline. The end result is that one of her teens finally moved in with dad, who has provided little financial support for his children’s needs and close to no emotional support. The teen now lives with few rules.

And this is gender neutral. I’m highlighting two of the situations I know of personally, but I — of all people — don’t want to sound like I’m beating up the dads. I had friends in a single-parents group I once belonged to who were dads in similar situations. One dad who lives in the Carolinas was raising his children almost entirely on his own, carting them to school, tutors and the doctor while constantly hearing from them how mom never made them do these things. The mom primarily showed up to blame the dad when there was a problem at school. He, like my two other friends, have been forced to do the hardest thing of all: Keep quiet. They refuse, to their credit, to set the record straight for the children. They refuse to put the kids in the middle. They shouldn’t.

But what does one tell a parent in that situation? My advice has been to keep doing the right thing and ultimately the child will appreciate it — or at least one can hope so. The pessimist in me realizes that poetic justice only happens in plays and novels, not in real life. My more optimistic side clings to the notion that good intentions and actions are ultimately rewarded, if not with appreciation then certainly with the satisfaction of knowing you made your child a better and healthier person in the end.

Because it would just be nice to know that it’s a game where there are no real losers.

It’s been two years since we started the Parents’ Place blog here at LoHud.com. During these two years, we’ve written 524 posts on everything from breastfeeding to divorce to toy guns. The readers of this blog have been even busier — posting 1,817 comments!

Here’s a link to my first post, where I introduce Pumpkin and talk a bit about what we hoped to do with the blog.

Let us know how you are enjoying the blog and what you’d like to see us do in the next 12 months. Thanks for reading!

What are you Parents’ Place readers doing this summer? Vote in our poll in the right column of the page to share your plans.

We’re heading to Sesame Place next week in what Pumpkin is already expecting will be the time of her life. We’ve been looking at the brochure and she keeps touching the picture of the Big Bird’s Balloon Race and saying, “I’ll be BIG happy when I’m on there.” Let’s just hope Sesame Place lives up to expectations.

Raffi, the Canadian artist whose music has been beloved by parents and children since the 1970s, was the No. 1 vote-getter in our poll on children’s musicians. Raffi received 12 out of 45 votes, or 27 percent. Some people might think of Raffi as strictly an artist who appeals to the toddler and preschool set, but I have to admit that I love him, too. While many of his songs are silly and simple, there are also songs that are surprising complex and sweetly touching — even to a jaded adult.

The No. 2 pick was tween-set sensation Miley Cyrus (11 votes; 24 percent). The write-in choice that argued “children can share adult artists, too” received eight votes, or 18 percent. Laurie Berkner (7 votes; 16 percent), Pete Seeger (3 votes; 7 percent), They Might Be Giants (2 votes; 4 percent) and John Farrell (2 votes; 4 percent) rounded out the results.

Thanks for voting!