My cellular kid
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- February
- 13
I got my 11-year-old son a cell phone.
I know, why does an 11-year-old need a cell phone? I actually dwelled on this for a while, understanding that some of his schoolmates have had them for a couple of years. And I wondered why he would need one. The upside was that he would be able to reach out to us in an emergency or if there was a change in plans during afterschool activities or while at a friend’s house for the day. The downside was, well, why does he need it?
So, in the end I got him one, and I figured it was a good exercise in responsibility for him: Manage your minutes, use it wisely and you’ll be able to keep it. As an aside, I also wanted him to have a way to keep in touch with his cousin, who he is very close with and who he is likely to see less off now that my ex’s mom—their grandmother—passed away at the end of last year. She was the glue that kep those kids in touch. Now they’re able to text and stay in touch regularly.
But I wondered about what it would cost. I have friends whose kids chalked up hundreds of dollars in cell phone bills after first getting one. So I waited for the “report card” — the first cell phone bill since we added him to our calling plan. Well, it came this week, and he’s well within his minutes. Phew.
Still, was it still a good idea? What age should we be hooking up our kids with telecommunication gadgets?
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on Friday, February 13th, 2009 at 4:15 pm by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon.
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Category: Blended families, Divorce, Economics, Family, Fatherhood, Gear, Gifts, Grandparents, Growing, Health & safety, Learning, Media, Money, Motherhood, Parenting, Single parents, Technology, Values
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What emergency would arise that humans before us haven’t dealt with already – without a cell phone? Is worrying about a possible emergency not being too overprotective? Does having a security blanket, in this case a cell phone, eliminate the need to develop instinct in such a rare case of an emergency?
Thanks for the feedback.
I think that, more to the point, an 11-year-old is normally in controlled situations. That is to say, there is adult supervision nearly all of the time, which would make an emergency situation where he’d have to reach out to me or his mom a bit unlikely. I don’t buy into the ‘they didn’t have cell phones in the past’ argument as much, because times do change. I used to be able to walk all over town unsupervised for an entire summer when I was 11. Kids just don’t do that any more. I also grew up with access to seven TV channels at most and listening to vinyl albums. Times just change.
Either way, in my situation the ‘in case of emergency’ component to him getting a phone was an aside, and no where near the main impetus. As I wrote, I thought it’d be a good exercise in responsibility for him and it would allow him to remain in touch with a cousin he’s been close to.
But, that aside, I do have to say that it’s a nice added benefit that I can be in touch with him on a moment’s notice. But that’s just me. We all parent differently. And perhaps it does signal my being overprotective, as you say. It’s still an issue I’m up in the air one in many regards.
Anyway, thanks for the input. Some things to think about there. And perhaps an indication of how times have changed?
We didn’t have cell phones and life was just as dangerous.
As far as having a cell phone at what age? At the age the kid has a job and can pay for it.
Yes times have changed, read Farenheit 451. this is the era of the shell radio (blue tooth) and the wall TV. all anti social behavior. you are ignored as soon as a call comes in or a text. I say we need a network outage and need to go back to land lines. or people have to become more socially aware and not be rude and talk on the phone while facing me or texting while i am trying to make a statement.
people in the same house texting or instead of calling a friend up they text? I am not a luddite, I am a REALIST AND THE ANTI SOCIAL BEHAVIOR IS ONLY GETTING WORSE.
there’s my 3 cents for what its worth.
You must be significantly younger than me, Steve. Either way—and this is obviously a sore nerve issue with you—all of those antisocial behaviors are things I don’t teach my son, and seem to be issues outside of parenting. Again, for me the decision on getting him the cell phone was based on the factors I posted and reiterated.
Thanks.
Jorge, I think cellphone ownership could a way for you to teach your son resonsibility and social graces, if you do it right.
My friend’s son lost his cellphone, and she just gave him another one. He lost that one too. But if you can emphasize the need to handle the phone responsibly, that can be a plus.
As for antisocial behavior, our society is awash in it, unfortunately. Multi-tasking simply means doing multiple things poorly, and that’s what happens if you’re trying to text, talk and do something else at the same time. Also, the propensity to hold loud and inane conversations in public places, just to look important, is pretty rude. If you can teach your son the evils of that type of behavior, and teach him to use the phone in a way that’s considerate to those around him, that’s a plus.
As he gets older, don’t assume that his having a cellphone means you can reach him at all times. You can only reach him if he wants you to reach him. The option is always there for him to not answer the phone, as well as to lie about his whereabouts if you do get him.
Jorge,I have a totally different take on this – frankly I loved the idea of knowing where my kids were – they bought their own cell phones as adults – as for children – never
why – health issues – in Mamaroneck Village Court one evening many years ago when we met over cell tower masts in town, a leukemia expert testified from Mt. Sinai Hospital. He was screaming and in tears over the children he was treating and adamant against cell towers near children
I’m sorry, it’s microwaves and there is no definitive research that they are safe for children. Living in apartments with towers on the roofs – towers on top of school buildings, towers hidden in flag poles at Harbor Island in Mamaroneck – radiate our children and you’re putting one in his pocket. He’s growing faster than ever, cells multiplying and his bones are thin – what are you doing to his health? Have you researched this – spoken with experts – I’d love to take a meter to the Mamaroneck Avenue School and measure the effects of the tower a few blocks from the school radiating the highways and houses nearby – are you giving your son cancer is my concern. Here’s just one statement
Children’s heads are most at danger from mobile phone radiation:
Children’s heads absorb up to 50% more mobile phone radiation than adults’ heads because their ears and skulls are smaller and thinner
When a five year old uses a mobile, the radiation permeates 50% of the brain (on the side to which the phone is being held). This figure reduces to 30% for ten year olds. In adults only a small area around the ear is penetrated
The study by Utah (US) University’s Professor Om Ghandi confirmed previous findings.
Om also questioned the validity of the current method of measuring mobile phone emissions with so-called ‘phantom heads’. These are adult size and sport large plastic ears. Om argued that the head should reflect a child’s skull and that the ears should be made of a material which more accurately reflects the electromagnetic properties of children’s ears. He claimed that, if this were done, many mobile phones currently meeting safety standards would exceed them.
In the UK, by the year 2000 more than 56% of 7-16 year olds and 85% of 15-16 year olds owned a mobile phone.
(8648) Sunday Times
There was a 60-80 page expose of the dangers of electro-magnetic radiation from power lines in The New Yorker about ten years ago and many books written after teachers on only one side of a building had high cancer rates – no one is measuring the ‘radiation’ in the classrooms in our towns – do you live in an apartment? Do you have cell tower on your roof? Did you even know they hide them in flagpoles where children play sports? This is my concern, and I think it should be everyone’s.
David;
I agree with what you say. As I said earlier, it is a good exercise in responsibility. And he has shown responsibility in the first month: He has kept his minutes and texting to a minimum—well below the minutes I alloted him. And he knows if he loses the phone he won’t have one.
Gina;
I did not think of the health component but, yes, that is an issue for many folks. I’ve written about it in the past and it certainly is a viable part of the discussion. Thanks for bringing it up and for giving me something to think on.
Well if you are older than 45 then I am younger than you.
As for the antisocial behavior, if you havent seen it around town with people driving and talking a\or on checkout lines yapping away, then i do not have an answer for you.
I too have a friend who’s child has lost and broken numerous cell phones.
As for responsibility, there are other facets of life where you can teach that without the need of a cell phone. My wife is currently busting my chops about having one for my eldest son who is 13. We have an old phone that is in her network and thinks all it will cost now is the 10 dollars for the line or whatever. I am still on the fence but we will see.
This is just my 3 cents and what I observe everyday.
Here’s a question: explain the need to text the person right next to you?
Steve;
Maybe you’re not understanding me or not reading my responses. Yes, I am aware of antisocial behavior. As I said above, they are behaviors that my son knows are inappropriate. In fact, they are part of the learning process of him having a phone. These include texting a person right next to you. He does not do that as it is a ridiculous thing to do.
And, yes, there are other facets of life where my son has learned and continues to learn responsibility. This is another. Again, a parenting decision that I made that you are free to make differently, as you are now contemplating.
So, these are all valid gripes you bring up. They annoy me as well. And that is, in part, an argument for a child to have a cell phone, to learn proper behavior and responsibility. I am satisfied with the results so far, and in fact am impressed with my son handling the responsibility. It has been a positive exercise for us.
As for my age, I am 46. I was simply disagreeing with the notion that life was ‘just as dangerous’ when we were kids. At least it wasn’t for me.
Jorge,
I understood what you were saying. I find it admirable the lessons you are teaching him and i commend them.
As for age and upbringing, maybe it is a matter of where.
I was born and raised in Brooklyn. Flatbush ave. to be specific. So if you were smart it wasnt dangerous, if you werent smart it was very dangerous. I guess danger is relative.
Please don’t get me wrong in the way the blog comes out, written words hides the tone of what one is writing. I was just clarifying my stance on it.
No problem at all, Steve. Brooklyn was likely more dangerous than Cuba and Tarrytown, the two places I grew up. So, point well taken. I was also attempting to clarify.
But as long as we’re on cell phone pet peeves, I hate those bluetooth devices people attach to their ears. That’s the height of rudeness to me.
Jorge, I actually think life was just as dangerous when we were kids, maybe more so. What has changed is the perception of the level of danger, and the willingness to live with a certain level of danger and risk.
I see a lot of my friends who keep their kids until much tighter control than any of us were kept under as kids, because they think conditions are very dangerous. I have one friend who won’t even allow a 6th grader to walk a relatively short distance to school without her. But the crime statistics in low crime suburban areas don’t really bear this perception out. We’re more aware of what is going on, and more risk averse, and the media tends to sensationalize rare events so that we think they’re a lot more common than they actually are. Ironically, her son is so used to her always being there that he can’t cross a street properly even at his age. At some point, that will become dangerous, probably more dangerous statistically than the possibility of abduction or something like that.
I’m not saying that parents should be careless with their kids’ safety, but I think we pay a price when we overprotect our kids. They need some freedom. Kids should be street smart, and aware of the dangers around them, but they shouldn’t be raised to think that the world is primarily a place to be feared. And the older they are when they gain some freedom, the less prepared they will be for the challenges of the world, which increase with age.