Does rent make the parent?
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- February
- 18
Interesting issue tackled by the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. The paper’s advice column fielded a question from a woman complaining that her boyfriend of three years was allowing his grown daughter to live in his house rent free. It has apparently become enough of an issue that she’s contemplating ending the relationship.
The paper’s answer? Since the girlfriend doesn’t live in the house and doesn’t contribute to the rent, it’s none of her business how the man runs his house.
This is not that far off an issue in single-parent relationships and within blended families, where turf issues—both physical and in terms of parental limits—are typical. What do you think?
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, February 18th, 2009 at 4:14 pm by Jorge Fitz-Gibbon.
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People can start or end relationships for any reason that they choose.
The girlfriend may have jumped the gun on this one, but maybe not. Offspring can be a big bone of contention in relationships where the children aren’t shared, especially grown children who have failed to leave the nest at the appropriate time.
Let’s face it—nobody is going to feel about your children the way you do, especially ‘children’ that you get to know after they’ve become adults.
There could also be other issues. Maybe the daughter is a major financial drain on her dad, and the girlfriend sees that this will damage their relationship if and when it becomes more serious, so she doesn’t want to go down that path.
I can understand where she’s coming from, to an extent.
It’s pretty typical in blended families and single-parent relationships for someone’s child to be their ‘weakness,’ whether or not that’s the case here. I would tend to agree with the newspaper columnists on one level: She has no financial stake in the man’s house, so it’s not her business. But that’s also a shallow view, because she is in a relationship with him and a single parent always brings baggage – their children. So I think there’s more in play than just the money. It’s a matter of whether or not they can accomodate each other and compromise on what’s a very significant issue for them. I don’t see that they have much of a future if they’ve drawn the line at this issue.
your child is your child. what was the reason the daughter lived rent free? had she had financial problems etc?
I would expect my kids to chip in when time coems. but if they have money problems. In the end family comes first and a girlfirend is neither.
Just my 3 cents
I was curious to hear your take on this one, Steve. And you are right: We do not know the daughter’s situation. Does that impact how you would view the girlfriend’s attitude on it?
No it wouldnt. she isnt his wife, she may as a friend and lover make her views known. But to end the relationship, then she is no real friend. Unless the daugter is rude and stepping all over dad and treating him like dirt. Then i may side with the girlfriend but only in that case.
Otherwise, if he’s truly just being a dad helping her get her feet back off the ground , and the daughter will do the right thing by him, then teh girlfriend needs to butt out. if she leaves then the dad is better off.
Often, an outsider sees what a person embroiled in a situation doesn’t. My father has been supporting my sister on and off for her whole adult life, and he always sees it as ‘helping her get on her feet’ when in fact it’s a long-term pattern of dependency. It’s not a healthy thing. This woman may recognize a bad pattern, and rather than make herself and everybody else miserable, is stepping away from the situation.
I’ll buy that… just as well for the guy. if she will step away and not be there for him because they disagree on how to handle his own kid, better they dont stay together.
I don’t agree how my wife and her family tackle issues. My wife half listens to my suggestiosn and does her own thing.
this is an on going dilemma, i have yet to leave my wife
why? Its her family i can only give a suggestion, i may not like what they decide but as long as it doesnt negatively affect me and my home, so be it.