Comments on: Who lays down the law? http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2009/04/10/who-lays-down-the-law/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:26:42 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Jorge Fitz-Gibbon http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2009/04/10/who-lays-down-the-law/comment-page-1/#comment-8075 Jorge Fitz-Gibbon Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:48:09 +0000 http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/?p=940#comment-8075 Cathy; Thanks for clarifying, and for the update. I also apologize for the delayed response to your post here. I would agree with what you say. As I explained, in our situation we are gradually making that transition from the initial "black and white" approach which, I agree, a new blended family has to ease into. Either way, these are issues I like to throw out here for discussion, not so much for dispute. Thanks again. Cathy;
Thanks for clarifying, and for the update. I also apologize for the delayed response to your post here.
I would agree with what you say. As I explained, in our situation we are gradually making that transition from the initial “black and white” approach which, I agree, a new blended family has to ease into.
Either way, these are issues I like to throw out here for discussion, not so much for dispute.
Thanks again.

]]> By: Cathy Meyer http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2009/04/10/who-lays-down-the-law/comment-page-1/#comment-8070 Cathy Meyer Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:30:27 +0000 http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/?p=940#comment-8070 Jorge, The quote above is from an article I wrote about what I thought appropriate for a new blended family. When children are first introduced into a blended family it is my opinion that discipline has to be a black and white issue. You can't introduce a stranger into your child's life and expect your child to respond positively to that strangers attempts to discipline. Once a child has bonded with and built trust in a stepparent that stepparent should have the right to discipline the child. Below is a quote from another article I wrote about discipline in an established blended family. "It is crucial that at some point each biological parent be permitted to and feels comfortable disciplining all the children in a blended family situation. Each parent should ultimately have a role of authority in the children’s lives but only after bonding has occurred and relationships have been established." The key is that both the biological parent and stepparent agree about what is and isn't appropriate discipline and that the children feel a since of trust in the stepparent. Jorge, The quote above is from an article I wrote about what I thought appropriate for a new blended family.

When children are first introduced into a blended family it is my opinion that discipline has to be a black and white issue. You can’t introduce a stranger into your child’s life and expect your child to respond positively to that strangers attempts to discipline.

Once a child has bonded with and built trust in a stepparent that stepparent should have the right to discipline the child.

Below is a quote from another article I wrote about discipline in an established blended family.

“It is crucial that at some point each biological parent be permitted to and feels comfortable disciplining all the children in a blended family situation. Each parent should ultimately have a role of authority in the children’s lives but only after bonding has occurred and relationships have been established.”

The key is that both the biological parent and stepparent agree about what is and isn’t appropriate discipline and that the children feel a since of trust in the stepparent.

]]> By: Jorge Fitz-Gibbon http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2009/04/10/who-lays-down-the-law/comment-page-1/#comment-8068 Jorge Fitz-Gibbon Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:58:37 +0000 http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/?p=940#comment-8068 Well put, David. This is indeed what we seek to do in our own blended family. There is a hope, of course, that we'll be more fluid with time and the lines between biological and stepparent will be more blurry. But one more thing to consider: In a blended family like ours, each child has another biological parent. That opens a whole 'nother set of issues: Consistency in the other parents home compared to ours, issues with the other parent over discipline rights, etc. So, it's another consideration and another issue to work in. Anyway, thanks, as always, for the input. Well put, David. This is indeed what we seek to do in our own blended family. There is a hope, of course, that we’ll be more fluid with time and the lines between biological and stepparent will be more blurry.
But one more thing to consider: In a blended family like ours, each child has another biological parent. That opens a whole ‘nother set of issues: Consistency in the other parents home compared to ours, issues with the other parent over discipline rights, etc.
So, it’s another consideration and another issue to work in.
Anyway, thanks, as always, for the input.

]]> By: David V. http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/2009/04/10/who-lays-down-the-law/comment-page-1/#comment-8067 David V. Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:53:15 +0000 http://parentsplace.lohudblogs.com/?p=940#comment-8067 I think the actual parent should have the primary role in discipline, but this shouldn't preclude a step-parent from getting involved as needed, such as when the actual parent isn't around. Most important I think is some sort of general agreement between the divorced parents about how to handle larger discipline issues, and the step-parents should fall in line behind that. Step-parents shouldn't have their own agenda or strategy in discipline that is at odds with the parents, because that can create tremendous confusion and conflict. I think the actual parent should have the primary role in discipline, but this shouldn’t preclude a step-parent from getting involved as needed, such as when the actual parent isn’t around.

Most important I think is some sort of general agreement between the divorced parents about how to handle larger discipline issues, and the step-parents should fall in line behind that. Step-parents shouldn’t have their own agenda or strategy in discipline that is at odds with the parents, because that can create tremendous confusion and conflict.

]]>