For the wives out there shopping, Junk Food T’s allow you to indulge your husband’s love for “Star Trek,” “Batman” or the Beatles while also giving him a shirt that will make him cool to your teenagers. My pick for dads of little ones has one of the Wild Things from “Where the Wild Things Are.” There is also a shirt with the “Cat in the Hat” that’s cute for dads of toddlers in particular. Some even have a double entendre that’s appropriate for the wife to bestow, like the one with the Lucky Charms leprechaun and the phrase “Magically Delicious.”

A couple of years ago, I gave Pumpkin’s father a shirt that said, “Property of My Little Girl” that I loved to see him wear. (Hint.)

I have to admit: I keep buying Father’s Day stuff that’s the analog of what I’d like to receive on Mother’s Day. Pumpkin has at least two T-shirts that say “Daddy’s Girl,” but none that say anything about mommy. Hmm.

So, dads out there: Would these shirts be a fun gift for you? What do you really crave on your big day?

I know, why does an 11-year-old need a cell phone? I actually dwelled on this for a while, understanding that some of his schoolmates have had them for a couple of years. And I wondered why he would need one. The upside was that he would be able to reach out to us in an emergency or if there was a change in plans during afterschool activities or while at a friend’s house for the day. The downside was, well, why does he need it?

So, in the end I got him one, and I figured it was a good exercise in responsibility for him: Manage your  minutes, use it wisely and you’ll be able to keep it. As an aside, I also wanted him to have a way to keep in touch with his cousin, who he is very close with and who he is likely to see less off now that my ex’s mom—their grandmother—passed away at the end of last year. She was the glue that kep those kids in touch. Now they’re able to text and stay in touch regularly.

But I wondered about what it would cost. I have friends whose kids chalked up hundreds of dollars in cell phone bills after first getting one. So I waited for the “report card” — the first cell phone bill since we added him to our calling plan. Well, it came this week, and he’s well within his minutes. Phew.

Still, was it still a good idea? What age should we be hooking up our kids with telecommunication gadgets?

The dog ate my Valentine: That was the case at the home of Eleanor Petigrow of Goldens Bridge, a mother of three daughters ages 7, 10 and 13. Knowing her daughters like to give presents to their friends, Eleanor planned ahead and right after Christmas bought a bunch of presents, including a huge chocolate heart and jellybeans. The only problem was she stored them behind the TV set in her office — a location reachable by the family’s 90-pound yellow lab. “I got a call at work. The dog had eaten everything and was really sick. We had to take him to the hospital and have his stomach pumped. They had never seen so much chocolate in a dog,” said Petigrow, who was scrambling earlier this week to replace the gifts with homemade chocolate lollypops.

Romance, what’s that?: Just ask Anne Colluci of White Plains, who nixed the idea of a fancy night out when she considered the cost and logistics of being a mom. “My husband and I had a fleeting thought of going to dinner at our club, Westchester Hills Golf Club, on Valentine’s Day. They are having a special dinner with a band and all. However, after thinking about how much money I would spend on a sitter and the work involved in coordinating it all on a school night, I quickly dismissed the idea!” she said. Anne did, however, buy red bookmarks and pencils for her children to give as class gifts. And, when I talked to her earlier this week, she was planning a trip to the mall to buy red attire for the kids to wear to school today.

Staying home is the best Valentine: Scott van Niekerk, who runs Wholistic Physical Therapy in Brewster, is fittingly scornful of the material side of the holiday, given his line of work. He and his wife were planning to spend a family day with their “2-year-old bundle of joy and a 3-month-old bump in the tummy.” “We will do a ‘stay home from work’ day to spend with each other and our beloved first born — the BEST family gift ever,” Scott wrote in an e-mail to me.

Baby comes first: Sasha Oxman Solow, who runs Sasha’s in Rye, put together a Valentine’s gift for her son, Michael, including a stuffed animal, a book about love and a red Slinky. Michael — really Sasha, of course — is giving a box of Valentine’s Day goodies to his daddy, who will be away on business today. Sasha also bought cards from her son to his grandparents and great-grandparents. “In my store, I sell a lot of Valentines Day gifts from parents to their kids. The most popular gifts are Valentines Day pajamas with hearts on them. Moms also purchase a lot of jewelry as Valentine’s gifts. We also sell Valentines day novelties like heart-shaped lipgloss, rubber heart rings, red & white Rubik’s Cubes, Valentine-themed stuffed animals, band-aids with hearts on them and heart-shaped playing cards,” she said. Among the customers: young boys coming in for Valentine’s Day gifts for their “girlfriends.”

No ideas for the hubbie: Like me, Pound Ridge resident Lisa Brotmann, a mom of two, was behind earlier this week on the buying-for-the-husband front. But she had already lined up something for her parents and the kids. “I think that for people who are married with children, the holiday becomes more of a family holiday. For single people I am sure it is still all about the romance and flowers. I can’t imagine at this stage of my life taking time out on a Thursday night to get a sitter and go out to a romantic dinner with my husband. In fact, I was already thinking about what meal I could make that was festive for the holiday, perhaps heart-shaped pancakes or heart-shaped mini meatloaves,” she said.

Big day for busy moms: This e-mail from Gretchen Menzies of Bedford says it all: “I have spent the last two weeks decorating shoe boxes, turning them into fabulous Valentine mailboxes, working on class Valentines and planning the kindergarten class Valentine’s party (I am the crazy mom who signed up to be class parent), a festivity full of cupcakes, pink icing, games and knick knacks. I am usually not one for over-doing Valentine’s day for the family, but the kids’ school life seems to require making this the momentous occasion of the year. By the time I have iced, mailed, crafted and discussed with the kids, what’s left for romance? And to be honest, this body? Not gonna wear any lingerie any time soon.”

Here is why I am uncomfortable: I am lying to her when I tell her about Santa. And my policy is honesty all the time. I don’t say we are out of cookies when I don’t want her to have any more — and I don’t let other caregivers do it, either. I just say, “No more.� I don’t make up stories about why we are or are not doing something, I show her respect and tell her the truth — in a way that’s appropriate for a toddler, of course. I just don’t believe in lying. I want to demonstrate in my words and actions that I respect her as an intelligent human being. I hope that will lead to a mutual feeling of trust that will last our whole lives together. I can’t help but wonder if the Santa myth presented as fact is a betrayal of that trust. After all, I am one of her most important sources of information about how the world works. Isn’t it wrong to abuse that power by pretending that Santa is real?

The other day, this issue of honesty came up in relation to a comment my mom made. Pumpkin had received a magnetic doodle pad for Christmas and was playing with it. My mom said something like, “How does this work? It’s magic.� I immediately protested from the next room where I was on the computer. I told my mom that I don’t want Pumpkin to think that everyday objects in her life are controlled by magic. I said to my mom, “We wouldn’t tell her the refrigerator keeps the food cold by magic, why is this any different?�

And in the same way, I feel ambivalent about perpetuating the Santa myth. What do the rest of you moms and dads think? If you have young children, do you feel at all guilty when you talk about Santa? Has anyone decided not to do the Santa deal? And if you have older kids: How did they react when they learned he isn’t real?

The value to all this, of course, is that both our boys were able to have a happy and fulfilling Christmas despite having non-traditional homes. Our Christmas morning brunch included both my ex and my girlfriend’s ex, with the added treat for her boy that his grandparents were in from out of town and shared the day with us.

And despite all our efforts and all the feelers we put out there, my son continues to tease us and keep us guessing about his understanding — or lack of — the Santa myth. He proclaimed, tongue in cheek, that Christmas is “60 percent excellent presents from Santa, 39 percent lousy gifts from your parents, and 1 percent egg nog.”

So I think he might be playing us, the little wise guy. Who cares in the end.

Anyway, I hope all had a great time over the holidays, regardless of what it is you celebrate. And I hope most of all that the children enjoyed their inclusion in it. I would love to hear some recaps.

I talked to people who are buying outdoor lights powered by the Sun, people who are making their own wrapping paper, even people who are giving away renewable energy credits as gifts. Here is a link to the main story on making your holiday “Green.” Here is a link to a sidebar full of tips. (My favorite: Save this year’s holiday cards to make tags for next year’s presents.) And here is a link to a story on the lead risks of plastic holiday decor, such as lights, and the popularity of real Christmas trees among the environmentally savvy.

Doing this package made me think a little guiltily about my own environmental footprint during the holidays. I get a lot of catalogs. A LOT. I tend to burn my Christmas tree lights all day long when I’m home. Worst of all: I am a glutton when it comes to giving presents and wrapping them in fancy paper. This photo from last year’s Christmas kind of tells the whole story of my environmentally un-friendly habits:

And yet, if you asked me about other ways I try and do my part, I’d point to my (mostly) diligent recycling, my effort to turn off lights when I’m not in the room, my habit of combining errands in one trip, etc. I think the holidays can make us all go nuts in the consumption department. Last year was Pumpkin’s second Christmas — and the first she really was able to participate in by unwrapping her own gifts, eating cookies, etc. So, I went crazy. So crazy, in fact, that we were still unwrapping after dinner. That’s how long it took to get through the presents!

I was inspired this year to change some of my ways by the stories I heard from local parents. We bought some Philips outdoor lights with light-emitting diodes, or LEDs. They use just a tiny fraction of the electricity of incandescent bulbs. I bought some environmentally friendly gifts. I shopped locally when I could. Next year, with more time to plan, we’ll do more. I love the Pratt family’s wrapping solution. Randy Pratt, who runs the Wilkens Fruit & Fir Farm in Yorktown Heights, told me the family shops after the holiday for discount Christmas fabric and makes their own long-lasting gift bags. What a great idea!

I was also inspired by Laura Barkat of Ossining. Here, at right, is some really cute homemade holiday paper created last year by her girls, who are now 10 and 8. Laura gives the girls just three gifts between the two of them, one shared and one each. Last year, the eldest mended her younger sister’s favorite pajamas as a holiday gift. “She saw that her sister was about to lose her favorite pajamas. They were unwearable. She put patches on the knees and mended them and there they were Christmas morning,” Laura told me. When I asked Laura to sum up her feelings on the topic, she sent me an e-mail. Here is what she wrote:

“First, I wanted to say that being green is sometimes framed as a list of do’s and don’ts. But in our family it’s more about restoring our lives and the life of our community and world. By ‘restoring,’ I mean ‘refilling’ or ‘restocking.’ So, being green is about what we add to our lives that makes them more precious and less full of negative impact. On this note, being green is also about ‘re-storying’ our lives. Picking a different life narrative than the Climb to Success, finding a different identity or character than Consumer. We choose, instead, to weave a narrative of Love, to discover and encourage our ingenuity and intense potential for human creativity. On a practical level, this means we focus on meaningful ritual, tradition, sharing, and memory-making, rather than on ‘stuff’ (the consuming of stuff, the provision of stuff by others, and the pursuit of stuff as a ‘right’ to the exclusion of the health of family, community and environment). This is a year-round goal, to change our focus from buying stuff to ritual, but at Christmas it takes a particular shape.”

I think it’s pretty obvious the cat is out of the hat for my son by now. He seems to be at the point where he knows the scoop on Santa, but figures he’d better not ‘fess up or there’ll be no presents. It’s sad to me, because nothing can ever replace the look on a child’s face on Christmas morning when the presents are “magically” there under the tree.

So I need to have the Santa Claus conversation with my son this weekend. First of all, I want to make sure he doesn’t ruin it for the younger boy. But I also want to bring my son up to speed on the whole Santa myth and its origins. Santa Claus is based on Saint Nicholas of Myra, a benevolent 4th Century man of the cloth who shared his inheritance with the needy through anonymous gifts. Legend has it that after he died locals would put out food for the saint and straw for his donkey, which St. Nick would turn into toys and treats. That’s kinda cool in its own right, and a pretty good tradition.

Corny as it sounds, I like to think that there is still some magic involved, and there’s an inherent beauty in Christmas that, to me, overshadows the ridiculous marketing blitz that has become part of the holiday season. I remain fond of the legendary 1897 column by New York Sun writer Francis Pharcellus Church, famously titled, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,”:http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia and expect that the discussion with my son will start with a reading of it. We will talk about the “Dear Santa” letter we’ll be picking up from the post office, and discuss some charity work to aid the less fortunate.

So, the Santa myth will continue for my son, even if the secret is out. Then we can all sit back and marvel at the look of wonderment on the 3-year-old’s face, and the magic he believes in — for now. Let’s hope it lasts.

Well, not to skip over Thanksgiving, but I’ve had my first discussion with my ex over splitting the Christmas presents for my son, so it must be time to start thinking ahead. This is complicated by the fact that his birthday is at the end of this month. He does love books, so there’ll be a dose of those. And he’s rediscovered Hot Wheels cars recently, so there’ll be some of that.

But I’m hearing from some fellow parents that it might be a good time to consider a few alternatives, particularly since a few that I’ve spoken to are seriously concerned about buying toys this year given the seemingly never-ending list of recalls. Obviously, you can select safe toys if you pay attention to recall lists, which many toy stores have available.

Still, I’ve heard some alternative suggestions. Homemade toys are a good idea, and, for older kids, donating to charity in their name is a worthy gift. Or consider tickets to an upcoming holiday event, such as “Willy Wonka”:http://tickets.tarrytownmusichall.org/eventperformances.asp?evt=725 at the Tarrytown Music Hall. Or “a candlelight tour”:http://www.hudsonvalley.org/component/option,com_jcalpro/Itemid,182/extmode,view/extid,71/date,2007-12-31 at historic Philipsburgh Manor in Sleepy Hollow. The New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx “has several events,”:http://www.nybg.org/families_and_fun/family_events.php including the Gingerbread Adventures and the Holiday Train Show.

If all works out, I’m hoping to include tickets for one of the above in the kids’ stockings this year, although the ability to plan ahead has never been one of my strongest assets. I’d also like to check out the Westchester Toy & Train Christmas Show at the Westchester County Center, which has “a lengthy list of upcoming events.”:http://www.westchestergov.com/calendar/ccorgcalquery.asp Of course, that’s on Dec. 9, well before the holidays. So I’m thinking it might be a good place to get gift ideas. Besides, I think the cat’s out of the bag on the Santa thing by now. Then again, that’s a blog for another day.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Anne Colucci, vice president and chief financial officer at Quorum Federal Credit Union. The 44-year-old White Plains mom has two children, Joseph, 9, and Christina, 7. Both of her kids are already expert savers, and hopefully we can all benefit from her clever tips. (Here is a link to a related story on children’s savings in our Sunday report.)

Q: We are a country of people who spend rather than save, but when it comes to our kids, we extol the value of savings. Why?

P: For me, teaching my kids how to save wisely is indirectly teaching them how to spend wisely! For example, the children come with me to buy their school clothes; some items are on sale, other items are full price. I pick a sale item and show them the price tag, which shows the full price and the marked-down price. I explain that the difference is savings, which means that money stays in Mom’s savings account. I am also trying to teach them about earning interest on money in their savings account. I explain that the credit union pays them (interest) for keeping money in their savings account. It is difficult for them to understand why the credit union would “reward� them with more money because they hold in it in the vault.

Q: Do your kids handle real money? What has this taught them about it?

P: Joseph and Christina have been handling real money since a young age. Grandma and Grandpa give them $5 to $10 for holidays like Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or occasions such as the end of a school year or losing a tooth. I have allowed them to keep this money over the years in their own wallet, as well as excess loose change that my husband or I may have. They take the opportunity to play store with this money in place of play money. From this play, they have learned that they should keep money in a protected place when they are in public (the wallet), that it is used for purchases of goods and services, and that when there is no more money in their wallets, they’ve spent it all and can’t buy any more items from the “play store.� Using play money doesn’t have the same effect, as it never seems to run out! I am happy to say that they have not lost any of this real money (though I can’t say the same for their toys), and the wallets are returned to their safe place once their game has ended.

Q: Do your children have saving accounts, piggy banks or some mix of the two? What are their feelings about saving money? Do you have to prod them or do they like it?

P: Joseph and Christina both have savings accounts and piggy banks and thoroughly enjoy watching their money grow. I mentioned earlier about their wallets, they also keep a piggy bank for their tooth fairy money and any excess change we give them. They understand that they have a savings account for “birthday money� and money received from other special occasions, such as their baptism or communion. I show them their credit union statements and explain that the credit union has a vault where the money is stored until we need to use it. They also understand that this money is special because it will be used for their college education and that everyone who has given them money to save is special because they are helping to pay for their education.

Q: How do you explain the idea of money and make it real to children when so often mom and dad just break out a credit or ATM card?

P: Joseph and Christina have used the ATM machine and the point of sale machines in retail stores. When I show them how to withdraw money from the ATM, I make sure I also show them the balance in the account before and after the withdrawal. I have explained that Mom’s job pays her every two weeks, and my paycheck is automatically deposited into my checking account. Every time I withdraw money, the balance declines. They also go food shopping with me quite often. I always choose the self-checkout option. One child will ring up the food and the other child will pack. This allows them to understand the cost of food and how much we are getting for that money.

Q: What strategies do you use around the house to help your children learn the value of money?

P: We are fortunate to belong to a country club, and the club offers lunch from a snack bar “conveniently� located by the pool. They watch many children order lunch and a midday snack every day. No money is used for these purchases; the member fills out a lunch order ticket and puts their membership number on the ticket. Joseph and Christina are very respectful of Mom’s rules. As a treat, they are allowed to have lunch and a snack on Fridays. They fully understand that every time they write our membership number on the order ticket that Mom and Dad get billed at the end of the month. However, this summer they asked me if they could get lunch more often at the club. I reminded them of the costs and they said they understood, but so many of the other kids get lunch there every day. So I said to them, “Let’s pretend that lunch costs $1.25 every day. For the rest of the summer we’ll put $1.25 in a jar for each of you and then see how much money we saved at the end of the summer by not having lunch every day. Then we can put it in the credit union and see how much interest it earns.�

Q: Do you think it’s better for kids to deal in cash or is it OK to give them their own ATM or credit card? Does this break down by age?

P: I think we need to teach our kids to use both. At the elementary school level, we should allow them to use our cash, ATM and credit cards so that they can start to understand how these methods of banking work. Sometime in middle school or freshman year of high school, parents should open a checking account for the child and let them use an ATM card, debit card, checks and so forth. I also encourage the use of a credit card at this age and allowing the child to pay for the credit card bill from their checking account. We hear time and time again that college students are solicited for credit cards and many times get themselves into debt very quickly. Bad credit can haunt a young adult for years. Consider this all-too-common scenario: a college graduate who doesn’t manage their credit card wisely ends up with a poor credit rating. They get a wonderful job after graduation, but need a car to travel to and from work. Now they need an auto loan to buy the car but they don’t qualify because of their poor credit.

Q: How can a credit union help parents teach their children about money? Should parents feel free to ask their financial institutions for help? What programs does Quorum have for young savers?

P: Credit unions offer a safe place to save money. Unlike money in a piggy bank, money in a savings account earns interest and is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration. Once the account is opened, have your child make regular deposits with you and let him see how much his balance has grown. Having their own account at a financial institution like Mom and Dad will help make them excited about saving. Teaching your children the value of money and saving while they’re young gives them a better chance of maintaining those good habits throughout adolescence and adulthood. Parents who would like information about how to teach their children about saving should definitely ask their financial institutions for help. At Quorum, we have employees who are experts about the different types of accounts and are always happy to educate our members on the best options available to them.

Thank you very much to Anne for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a Web-savvy mom, dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

My sons have done well in school this year, but I am very tired of homework, projects, meetings, and everything else. And then I realized I have one more task to complete: Teacher (and bus driver/monitor and caregiver) presents.

Stacy Anderson, a new reporter at The Journal News (and my mentee!) wrote “a piece on teacher gifts”:http://www.thejournalnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007706160367 that ran Saturday. That sparked me to remember the shopping I have left to do for 8-year-old son’s teacher, bus driver and bus monitor, along with the young people who supervise him at his after-school center.

It’s not a job I mind doing, because I really am grateful for all of the adults who help my son along the way by teaching him, protecting him and simply caring for him. Some parents are against such gifts, because they believe that the adults are simply doing their jobs and deserve no additional thanks. But I think differently: These folks all looking out for my boy when my husband and I not around. And for that, I am eternally grateful. I make sure that my sons express their thanks too—in writing—even though my oldest son, now 13 and a middle schooler, no longer buys gifts for his teachers.

Unlike some people in the story, though, I won’t be buying personalized gifts, apple-themed presents or anything like that. I’d rather buy them something they can put to immediate use: gift cards to department stores and restaurants, gift certificates for car washes, things like that. And I’ll accompany the gift with a note of thanks. I think it’s a small effort, considering how much they’ve taught my son this year and how patient they’ve been with him.

Do you buy end-of-the-school-year teacher gifts? Do your kids write thank-you notes to teachers or anyone else? Have any innvoative gift ideas? Share them here.

In our family, I’m the buyer of birthday gifts. It fell to me and not my husband, because, well, I like shopping a little more than he does.

Lately, it seems that the cost of these presents has risen quite a bit. I recall when my 13-year-old was a preschooler, I could easily buy a nice kid’s present for $15 or less. As my kids got older, the stakes were raised a little bit, and the norm for a present was about $20 to $25. I could live with that.

But then one year, when my son was about 10, someone bought him a PlayStation game. A PlayStation game?! They run about $40 to 50! That seemed awfully extravagant to me, especially coming from one kid to another. So now, I’m trying to hold down the spending to no more than $30, but then my sons remind me that “Johnny” bought them Madden 2007, so we HAVE to get him a new video game, too.

I’m not in agreement with that. I don’t want to get into any tit-for-tat present-giving; I want them to give gifts because they think that’s what the person would like, not because the value matches the gift they received. But with the way some parents are spending, it’s becoming difficult to keep that lesson in check.

Are you finding the same thing? And how do you deal with it?