Well, I did it: I kept my son out of school on Friday even though he had two tests and a project due. And I hope I’m not getting him in trouble by posting on it.

Okay, so the truth is I arranged with his teachers to have him take both tests on Thursday, and hand in his portion of a team alegebra project the same day. So, the damage was minimal, if there was any at all.

But in the end I reasoned that he wouldn’t remember that day at school in years to come. He will, however, always remember our day: We went to the free Green Day concert at Central Park for the Good Morning American summer concert series.

Needless to say, it’s his favorite band, and pretty high on my list as well. And I can’t ask for a better day, nor a more fun outing for him (above). No, that’s not me on the right. I took the photo. (I still have a tad more “coverage” on my head—no offense to the man in the photo.)

Anyway, this has been a periodic judgement call for me, as it is for many parents, I suspect. I had the day off, so it was no issue on my end. But education is important, and occasionally parents may opt to keep the kid home. I handle it on a case-by-case basis, but it’s something I take seriously.

I spoke to a couple of other parents at the show who had done the same thing, and they had all made the same decision: That it was a treat worth cutting school for the day.

Is it something that can be abused? Certainly. I have friends who were periodically kept home from school for a “mental health day,” which I think is of limited value for most kids, depending on age and circumstances.

But the question is when do you think it’s okay to have your kid play hooky?

One final note on the show, it really was a treat. I’ve blogged on the music element of it on The Listening Room, our music blog. But for those that didn’t see it, here’s a clip from GMA:

The folks at Child Care Aware sent out a reminder that next month will bring National Provider Appreciation Day, when child care providers we entrust with our kids get honorable mention.

Not a bad idea, depending on the care the kids receive. We’ve been lucky that way, so I figured I would send CCA’s press release along for your consumption:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 11.3 million children under the age of 5 that spend some part of their week in child care. If this number includes your family, chances are you’ve added an extended family member or two to your daily routine. And you’ve selected a person that you feel will provide the best care for your child.

Child care providers put a lot of love and hard work into their careers, and they’re often rewarded with little hugs and a “thank you” every now and then. As your child spends time with his/her child care provider, a special bond begins to form. This person is an additional teacher, friend and trusted caregiver. Your child shares many special moments with the child care provider, and you enoy the benefits of these relationships on a daily basis.

This year, take some time to show your child care provider how much you appreciate what she does for your family. On Friday, May 8, 2009, the nation will celebrate National Provider Appreciation Day – a day set aside each year to honor those who are caring for our young children.

For more information on Provider Appreciation Day, go to www.providerappreciationday.org.

One of the advantages of having shared custody of your child is that there’s a limit to the number torturous school assignments you have to do for the kid. Obviously, my ex ends up with half of them because of our 50-50 custody deal.

And I don’t mean arts & crafts for art projects, or books to complete assignments, or visits to museums or zoos to complete written research projects. Those are concrete tasks that you can justify as advancing your child’s education and creativity.

But what’s the educational benefit to cooking three pounds of bacon?

I’m talking about the extra-curricular events like class picnics and holiday celebrations. You know, when your child comes home and tells you he volunteered to make six dozen blintzes, or hard boil 96 eggs, or cook french fries for 40 kids and teachers. A co-worker told me this morning that his daughter committed him and his wife to make fruit salad for 30 kids. She neglected to mention this until this morning, the day of the event. So take a swing by Super Stop & Shop and look for a mom frantically buying up all the fruit.

On my end, my 10-year-old volunteered to cook bacon for the class breakfast today. I’ll give him credit for telling me three days ago, so there was no last-minute shopping. Of course, I made it clear that blueberry muffins or orange juice would’ve been preferred. But the kid likes bacon. And that’s a good thing, because he’ll be smelling it around the house for weeks to come.

Don’t get me wrong: My ex has shouldered her share of these tasks since our divorce. It’s just that the time-intensive — and smelly — ones always seem to land on the days our son is with me. And the thing is there’s more to come, because my girlfriend’s 4-year-old will have to cook up his own batch of bacon sooner or later. Ah, parenting.

But such are the pleasures of a blended family. And it does make us a family, with all the annoyances, burdens and hurdles that come with any family. And that makes it seem less torturous, even if there are a few pounds of bacon here and there.

Friday was the big night out for my son — his school dance.

This was my son’s second dance, coming on the heels of last year’s fourth grade gala. The fifth-grade version wasn’t much different, except that I have learned to be less intrusive. That is to say, the first time around my ex and I were both there, and she kept prodding him to go and pick a girl to dance with. Not sure what we were thinking, because I wasn’t exactly love-struck at his age.

This time around I was on my own, so I backed off and let him do his thing. I noticed that I was one of the few solo parents there, and actually felt like something of an outcast being a single parent. That’s something that rarely happens with me, so it was an odd sensation. One of the other parents — who I actually went to school with years and years ago — spent a bit of time telling me about his storybook marriage and the splitting of parenting duties he and his wife are able to do: His wife took their son to a Boy Scout event the same night, so he escorted his daughter to the dance. I didn’t take offense, but I wondered why he felt it necessary.

Either way, I did my own thing, and watched from the wings with great amusement. My son, to his credit, stood in the crowd and danced his butt off pretty much  all night. At that age, they’re not necessarily looking for girls to dance with. The girls themselves nearly all dance — again on their own or with other girls. There’s just a real gender divide at this age.

Looking around that room, I wondered when that will start to change. He had his first kiss in kindergarten, and was quite popular with two girls in first grade. By second, he showed less interest, to the degree that now he couldn’t care less if a girl showed interest. So when does that change? I’m sure by high school it’ll be THE issue, over what girl or other he likes or likes him.

In the meantime, I’m good with standing in the wings and watching him do his own thing. As for being one of the few solo parents in the crowd, I’m good with that too. My boy seems okay with it.

My son’s got it easy at school. At least that’s the way I see it, given that his classes don’t start until 9 a.m., and he’s out at 3 p.m. When I was a kid, I can’t recall starting school any later than 8:20 a.m., and that was seen as lenient. So what’s up?

I should note that my 10-year-old scores at the top of the class in all of the state tests he’s been required to take. And he devotes tons of his spare time to reading and games that incorporate mathematical and social studies skills. Fine. He’s studious.

But I find myself wanting more school time for him, something I think that there’s no real substitute for. It helps develop good study habits, improved listening skills, increased group-participation skills, and better social skills. True, he’s just in fifth grade now and his school day will get a tad longer as he gets into the later grades. That’s all well and good.

Still, something seems off. Take into account this “Boston Globe article,”:http://www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/mcas/articles/2007/11/30/longer_school_day_appears_to_boost_mcas_scores in which a handful of Boston public schools extended the school day and assigned more reading and studying to their students. The result was a significant increase in “MCAS”:http://www.doe.mass.edu/mcas/about1.html scores.

Doesn’t that all seem to make sense? Or is there a case to be made for less time in class? I’d love to hear it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that my son got so absorbed in J.K. Rowling’s book series about the boy wizard. It’s just that I want my son to read some of the classics as well.

Now, I love that he’s an avid reader, with a particular attraction to non-fiction and “fact books” like encyclopedias and atlases. He’s also read a number of childrens’ series, including Dan Gutman’s series of baseball biographies. When he was younger, he also read an abridged version of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain and enjoyed it.

But I think there’s great value for a child to read classic literature, and I’ve been nudging him and his mom for months to get him to try out some of those. Last week, he started to read Stephen Crane’s Red Badge of Courage, which I thought would tap into his interests in American history. Here’s the short follow-up list I put together for him:

• Call of the Wild by Jack London

• Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

• Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne

I figure that’s a short enough list, and I’m waiting to assess how he does with Crane. I’d also like to hear some other suggestions out there, particularly from parents who have older children. Let me know.

My son was gung-ho to learn Spanish when he was younger. Then, poof. He just kind of rebelled against it. Now he’s 9 and I worry I’m running out of time to get him back on track. Time to get busy.

See, Spanish is my first language, so I have always wanted my son to learn it for that reason. Obviously, there are more practical reasons to learn Spanish now because of the radical demographic changes going on around us. When my son was 3, everything was set up to grant me my wish. He was all over it. Then he just didn’t want to keep learning, probably because it became one of those things that kids just decide they’re going to defy a parent on. After a while, I stopped pushing because I didn’t want to make it a forcible thing, and something that his stubborn nature would shut the door on for good.

Now I’m coming up with ideas to get him going again. I learned English rather quickly at age 7, and I know that there is a limited time left when my son can learn a second language with more ease. There’s quite a bit written on this, including in this “basic article”:http://www.parentspress.com/edulanguages.html on the subject. So, here’s my plan:

• Speak to him only in Spanish when we’re in the car.

• Pull out some of our Spanish-language videotapes and watch Spanish-language TV and cinema at least once a week.

• Pull out some of the Spanish-language children’s books he had as a younger kid.

My girlfriend is anxious to have her 3-year-old learn as well, so maybe we can work it into the regimen for both boys. In the meantime, I’m hoping to jump start the process now that my son’s attitude about learning has changed and he’s anxious to do it. I guess we’ll have to see how it goes. Stay tuned.

It starts before our kids are born when we limit our tuna fish sandwiches to one a week and doesn’t end until … ever, I think. Keeping our children safe is job No. 1 for mom and dad. Yes, we’re supposed to teach them to read, sing, love animals and all the rest, but the most important gift we give our children is a healthy and safe childhood. In today’s world, where there seem to be weekly blasts on the news about lead in imported toys, parents can feel powerless to prevent risks to their kids — and that’s even before they get a driver’s license!

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Irvington resident Jamie Schaefer-Wilson. Jamie is a child safety expert, author and consultant at Consumer Reports magazine in Yonkers. She has a long history of advocating in a wide variety of ways to keep kids safe. She co-wrote “The Baby Rules: The Insider’s Guide to Raising Your Parents,” a safety manual for parents with a humorous touch. She serves on several juvenile products committees for the American Society of Testing and Materials (ASTM International), where she advocates for safer juvenile product standards. She works with the nonprofit Kids and Cars, which is pushing for a rear visibility performance standard to prevent backovers. She has contributed to a safety column on iVillage.com and is the author of “Safety 1st’s Essential Home & Travel Childproofing Guide.” She’s also written the upcoming “The Consumer Reports Guide to Childproofing & Safety: Tips to Protect your Baby and Child from Injury at Home and on the Go,” scheduled for publication in May. In between being a safety guru, Jamie is also busy as the mother of Cydney and Samantha.

Q: Let’s start with the question on everyone’s mind these days: Can I safely buy my child a toy that’s made in China?

P: It isn’t necessarily a China problem, it is a manufacturer problem. We need better quality control, tougher import inspections and more attention to potential design flaws. Some of these problems are predictable, therefore they are preventable. There have been so many problems brought to the forefront lately from lead paint to small parts detaching and magnets falling out of toys. While we should be able to trust the toys in the marketplace, I think we all need to be tougher consumers and decide if we want to stay away from painted toys, jewelry and magnets.

Q: When the first Mattel recall was announced on Aug. 1, you feared that your child had a defective Elmo toy. Can you describe what that experience was like?

P: It was scary. It was a toy my daughter was playing with every day. It has a microphone that naturally she was always putting in her mouth and we didn’t know which portion of the toy contained the lead-based paint. I recognized the photo of the toy instantly and this particular toy was shown on several news reports. I checked the model number and was relieved that mine was purchased before the batch that had lead-based paint.

Q: Is all this focus on toys from China potentially distracting our attention from more dangerous, or even deadly, hazards?

P: No. I think people are looking more stringently at many more products now. We need to continue down this path and do a lot more questioning about all products — no matter where they are made.

Q: What are some of the hidden hazards we all have around our homes that we don’t think about?

P: We sometimes tend to overlook everyday items and things we do everyday. Take the kitchen. It is the room we are in most frequently. There are several dangers from the hot oven, water boiling on the stove or even the dishwasher. The dishwasher seems benign once the knives and forks are removed, but it is filled with spikes and if a child falls they will fall face first. Also, tipping hazards: Children tend to open several drawers at one time, sometimes causing furniture to tip onto them. It is very simple to install a tip resistant strap to furniture, and this should be installed to TV stands as well as book cases, armoires and dressers. Another danger is water hazards. Drownings are a leading cause of death every year. When your child is in the bath you need to keep him or her within arm’s reach at all times. It only takes a second for something to go wrong. The same is true of a swimming pool. Many children often slip outside unnoticed and you may not hear them fall into the pool.

Q: What are some safety tips you can share based on your own family?

P: Gates and safety locks: Those are two very important items that you should purchase and use. My 2-year-old wants to follow me everywhere and open every drawer. I feel I need eyes in the back of my head. My first daughter wasn’t as daring, but my second daughter wants to experiment with everything. I find it easier to remove and safeguard the hazards rather than take a chance. You can remove gates and locks when they are older, but the scar from an injury will be permanent.

Q: Can you tell me about any close calls you might have had?

P: When my 6-year-old was younger, we were at a restaurant and they had given us a folding high chair. The waiter opened it and we put our daughter inside, but it started to collapse the moment we placed her in the high chair. My daughter was screaming. I tried grabbing her, but she was stuck. My husband and I were pulling her and the waiter was trying to open the chair. It was very scary. Needless to say, I always check that high chairs are fully opened and locked and I now know never to take for granted that someone else may have done taken these measures.

Q: New moms often buy books on babyproofing, but what about parents of older kids? What safety worries are out there when your child reaches grade school, middle school and beyond?

P: Safety issues just change and expand as your child gets older. Child passenger safety is always at the forefront. Keeping your child in the right child-restraint seat until he or she is the right height, weight and age is one of the most important things you can do for your child. As they get older you need to focus on bicycle safety/helmet safety and stranger danger as well.

Q: What can you do if a fellow parent doesn’t take safety as seriously as you do? What if, for example, a mom doesn’t think about buckling a child into a safety seat because it’s “only a few blocks” or is casual about other risks?

P: I have had parents tell me just that: “Oh, it’s only a few blocks.â€? Most vehicle crashes happen within a few blocks of our homes since it is where we spend the most time. Some parents don’t like to hear the possibilities of what could happen and others ask a lot of questions. Questions are a great — they can save a life. If another mother offers to pick up my daughter, I always ask what type of car seat she has, and many times I end up installing my seat in her vehicle. I am happy to take the few minutes and do it.

Q: It seems to me the best way to keep a child safe might be to instill a sense of caution in the child. What advice do you have for doing that without turning your kid into a nervous nelly?

P: Caution is good, but you’re right, you don’t want to overdo it. So much of this is in your hands. Your child doesn’t need to know everything about the car seat they are in — just that they need to be in it. I often hear that a child can’t wait to get to a booster seat or get out of one. Most children wouldn’t even know that there is a day that they won’t need the booster seat — we instill this in them. You handle the safety and let them be a kid. You’ll feel more at ease about it. Every mom only wants what is best for her children.

Thank you very much to Jamie for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

I was taken aback last year when, during back-to-school night at my son’s school, his fourth-grade teacher noted that students would not be taught cursive writing if they had not learned it in the earlier grades. There just isn’t time to teach it by the fourth grade, he said. For those that don’t know, cursive writing is what we commonly refer to as “script,” or what a friend from England told me this weekend is known as “joined” writing back home.

I’ve thought about that teacher’s comment ever since, and it came up in conversation over the weekend. It strikes me as sad that such a school policy — perhaps a natural consequence of the modern-day, state-test-driven public school system — might spell the demise of cursive writing. I was therefore not surprised to find that I wasn’t alone in that concern, and that there has been some debate over this in recent years, as expressed in “this article from The Washington Post”:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/10/AR2006101001475.html last year.

Now, my son does write in cursive, and I frankly don’t know that any of his friends don’t. But it seems clear there are kids out there that still use block writing, and perhaps it is just a matter of time before the computer keyboard replaces all penmanship. I certainly hope not. Heck, our own Constitution and Declaration of Independence are written in cursive. Are we heading for a generation of children who won’t be able to read them?

With yet another toy recall in the news, I began wondering: What exactly will I be buying for holiday gifts for my nephews, who live in North Carolina?

Sure, I can be the “un-fun” auntie and get them clothes, but they’re 9 and 6! And Old Navy box probably won’t get the joint jumping. But with all the recalls, I don’t know what’s safe and what’s not, particularly when I’m buying online. I suppose I can consult some Web sites to find out which toys manufacturers are likely to use safe paints and parts, but I would bet that severely limit my choices.

My own kids, who are 13 and 9, are stuck on video games, clothes and a board game here and there, so I’m not as concerned. Plus, when I buy for them, I can look at the item, touch it, smell it and feel it, so I feel like I might make a better—and hopefully—safer choice. But when I’m buying online, I’m buying somewhat blindly.

What are you planning to buy for the children in your life? And have the many toy recalls affected your choices?

Last year, when my family took a trip to Costa Rica, my sons applied for passports for the first time. While the wait to receive it was slightly long—about six weeks—the process was pretty painless, although the cost created a pinch to our pockets.

But as rules around applying for and requiring a passport become more stringent, people who travel with children may want to take note of some of the basic protocols according to a pamphlet issued by Westchester County Clerk Tim Idoni:

• Don’t wait until the last minute to apply. Beginning in early 2008, passports will be needed to travel by land or sea from Canada, Mexico, Central and South America, the Caribbean and Bermuda. So if you need one, apply now.


• Be aware of special requirements for children under 14: All children, even newborns, must have their own passport. And children’s passports need to be renewed every five years. When applying for a chid’s passport, children must be there in person. If possible, both parents should appear together and sign the application for a child who is under 14. If only one parent appears, the parent must provide a notarized form proving consent from the other parent.


• When you apply for a passport, please be sure to bring the right documents: Proof of US Citizenship (previous passport, naturalization certificate, original or certified copy of your birth certificate, or a Consular Report of Birth Abroad), Proof of Identity (a valid driver’s license or government/military ID card) and the fees (typically $97 for an adult passport and $82 for children under 16). If you need a passport in a hurry, the application can be expedited for an additional $60. Cash, checks and credit cards can be used to pay the fees.

Most times, I’m fussing with my 9-year-old son about being mesmerized by his Nintendo DS. While he doesn’t play with it during the school week, he’s pretty much attached to it on Saturdays and Sundays.

Good thing. Because now that I’ve discovered the Brain Age game, the Nintendo has become mine during the week and on weekends after he goes to bed.

I love this game! I bought it for myself, but encouraged my husband and kids to use it, but I’m the one who’s a regular.  It’s a good, quick and fun way to keep my 40-plus brain from atrophying, after so many years of watching inane cartoons and kid’s shows, playing with clay, making dioramas and watching football games that I don’t understand. Sure, my brain is taxed at work and at home, but not like this. Brain Age includes word puzzles, math equations, visual tests and Sodoku puzzles that help to keep you sharp. I don’t know whether or not it’s for real, but according to the little man in the game, after about three weeks of training, my brain age has gone from about 56 years old to about 23 years old. Anything that makes me feel younger works for me!

By the way, my boys—who have no patience for Brain Age but can play Kirby and Super Mario for hours—have brains of 80-year-olds. Or so the little man in the game says. 

Are there any of your kids’ toys that you’ve completely hijacked?

Looking for some tips on how to become a better parent? Then you might want to check out a forum on Thursday night in Harlem featuring motivational speaker Les Brown. The event is called “Success Principles for Power Parenting and Mentoring.”

Brown came from very humble beginnings in Miami was adopted by a single mother along with his twin brother when they were six weeks old. His career has been diverse, including jobs as a radio DJ, community activist, county supervisor in California, and television show host. For many years, he has been a motivational speaker, addressing a variety of topics, including the power of positive parenting.

Thursday’s talk will be held at the Harlem Children’s Zone, 35 E. 125th St., in Manhattan. Doors open at 5 p.m and the program begins at 6 p.m. Seating is limited, so a response is suggested, but not mandatory. Call 917-532-5011 to RSVP or drop an email to info@proudpoppa.net. Admission is free and you’re asked to bring a young adult to hear the message.

On Saturday, we hosted a rock-climbing birthday party for my younger son, who’s now 9. A whole bunch of little boys—and three adventurous girls—had a great time scaling the walls at The Cliffs at Valhalla.

This is one of those places where you bring the party to them: We provided the pizza, cake, paper goods and they outfitted the kids with all the climbing equipment and aptly supervised the party.

When we were setting up for the party, the young man assisting us marveled at how my husband, my friend Adrianne and I worked together seamlessly to set the table, place the veggie and fruit platters for the parents, set up the drink station and hide the goody bags to be given out later. We remembered to bring matches, candles and a knife, which the young man found amazing. But it wasn’t a big deal to us, really. After the party, my husband and I estimated that in our 13 years as parents, we have probably prepared “birthday parties-to-go” more than 20 times, between our two sons. That includes taking cupcakes to school and parties held outside of our home.

We’ve run the gamut of parties, I think: We’ve done pool parties, bowling, pet the pony, spin art, movies, sports parties, ice-skating. They’ve all been fun, really. And the best part? When the party is done, we pack up our stuff (or toss the trash away) and leave! No muss, no fuss.

I’m sure there are many people who are fond of home parties for their kids, but it doesn’t work for me. Our house is too small to have a lot of fun and my patience for that kind of party is too short.

How do you celebrate your kids’ birthdays? Any new ideas out there for parties? Share them here!

This school year, I am completely in love with my son’s bus driver.

That’s because he is the one who picks up my youngest son at 7:30 a.m., which gives me glorious time alone in the house before I have to leave for work.

So what do I do with this extra time? I can now walk with my friend later in the morning, rather than at 6 a.m. I can take a shower that lasts more than 5 minutes. I can make real oatmeal and eat it—sitting down while reading a magazine. I can vacuum the living room, sort laundry, or iron clothes without having to brush my teeth at the same time. Basically, I can have a few moments to breathe before starting the busy-ness of my official workday.

When another mom (of one of my son’s classmates) called last night to check in and see how the first days of school were going, our conversation quickly turned to the earlier pick-up time. And then giddily, we both confessed to loving the extra morning time – alone. For a second, we chastised each other about how happy we are to push our sons out of the door each morning. But then, we remembered the bliss we feel, having our homes to ourselves, and any guilt was gone.

It is a most welcome time. And I love Lou, the bus driver, for giving it to me.