Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Irvington resident Jamie Schaefer-Wilson. Jamie is a child safety expert, author and consultant at Consumer Reports magazine in Yonkers. She has a long history of advocating in a wide variety of ways to keep kids safe. She co-wrote “The Baby Rules: The Insider’s Guide to Raising Your Parents,” a safety manual for parents with a humorous touch. She serves on several juvenile products committees for the American Society of Testing and Materials (ASTM International), where she advocates for safer juvenile product standards. She works with the nonprofit Kids and Cars, which is pushing for a rear visibility performance standard to prevent backovers. She has contributed to a safety column on iVillage.com and is the author of “Safety 1st’s Essential Home & Travel Childproofing Guide.” She’s also written the upcoming “The Consumer Reports Guide to Childproofing & Safety: Tips to Protect your Baby and Child from Injury at Home and on the Go,” scheduled for publication in May. In between being a safety guru, Jamie is also busy as the mother of Cydney and Samantha.

Q: Let’s start with the question on everyone’s mind these days: Can I safely buy my child a toy that’s made in China?

P: It isn’t necessarily a China problem, it is a manufacturer problem. We need better quality control, tougher import inspections and more attention to potential design flaws. Some of these problems are predictable, therefore they are preventable. There have been so many problems brought to the forefront lately from lead paint to small parts detaching and magnets falling out of toys. While we should be able to trust the toys in the marketplace, I think we all need to be tougher consumers and decide if we want to stay away from painted toys, jewelry and magnets.

Q: When the first Mattel recall was announced on Aug. 1, you feared that your child had a defective Elmo toy. Can you describe what that experience was like?

P: It was scary. It was a toy my daughter was playing with every day. It has a microphone that naturally she was always putting in her mouth and we didn’t know which portion of the toy contained the lead-based paint. I recognized the photo of the toy instantly and this particular toy was shown on several news reports. I checked the model number and was relieved that mine was purchased before the batch that had lead-based paint.

Q: Is all this focus on toys from China potentially distracting our attention from more dangerous, or even deadly, hazards?

P: No. I think people are looking more stringently at many more products now. We need to continue down this path and do a lot more questioning about all products — no matter where they are made.

Q: What are some of the hidden hazards we all have around our homes that we don’t think about?

P: We sometimes tend to overlook everyday items and things we do everyday. Take the kitchen. It is the room we are in most frequently. There are several dangers from the hot oven, water boiling on the stove or even the dishwasher. The dishwasher seems benign once the knives and forks are removed, but it is filled with spikes and if a child falls they will fall face first. Also, tipping hazards: Children tend to open several drawers at one time, sometimes causing furniture to tip onto them. It is very simple to install a tip resistant strap to furniture, and this should be installed to TV stands as well as book cases, armoires and dressers. Another danger is water hazards. Drownings are a leading cause of death every year. When your child is in the bath you need to keep him or her within arm’s reach at all times. It only takes a second for something to go wrong. The same is true of a swimming pool. Many children often slip outside unnoticed and you may not hear them fall into the pool.

Q: What are some safety tips you can share based on your own family?

P: Gates and safety locks: Those are two very important items that you should purchase and use. My 2-year-old wants to follow me everywhere and open every drawer. I feel I need eyes in the back of my head. My first daughter wasn’t as daring, but my second daughter wants to experiment with everything. I find it easier to remove and safeguard the hazards rather than take a chance. You can remove gates and locks when they are older, but the scar from an injury will be permanent.

Q: Can you tell me about any close calls you might have had?

P: When my 6-year-old was younger, we were at a restaurant and they had given us a folding high chair. The waiter opened it and we put our daughter inside, but it started to collapse the moment we placed her in the high chair. My daughter was screaming. I tried grabbing her, but she was stuck. My husband and I were pulling her and the waiter was trying to open the chair. It was very scary. Needless to say, I always check that high chairs are fully opened and locked and I now know never to take for granted that someone else may have done taken these measures.

Q: New moms often buy books on babyproofing, but what about parents of older kids? What safety worries are out there when your child reaches grade school, middle school and beyond?

P: Safety issues just change and expand as your child gets older. Child passenger safety is always at the forefront. Keeping your child in the right child-restraint seat until he or she is the right height, weight and age is one of the most important things you can do for your child. As they get older you need to focus on bicycle safety/helmet safety and stranger danger as well.

Q: What can you do if a fellow parent doesn’t take safety as seriously as you do? What if, for example, a mom doesn’t think about buckling a child into a safety seat because it’s “only a few blocks” or is casual about other risks?

P: I have had parents tell me just that: “Oh, it’s only a few blocks.â€? Most vehicle crashes happen within a few blocks of our homes since it is where we spend the most time. Some parents don’t like to hear the possibilities of what could happen and others ask a lot of questions. Questions are a great — they can save a life. If another mother offers to pick up my daughter, I always ask what type of car seat she has, and many times I end up installing my seat in her vehicle. I am happy to take the few minutes and do it.

Q: It seems to me the best way to keep a child safe might be to instill a sense of caution in the child. What advice do you have for doing that without turning your kid into a nervous nelly?

P: Caution is good, but you’re right, you don’t want to overdo it. So much of this is in your hands. Your child doesn’t need to know everything about the car seat they are in — just that they need to be in it. I often hear that a child can’t wait to get to a booster seat or get out of one. Most children wouldn’t even know that there is a day that they won’t need the booster seat — we instill this in them. You handle the safety and let them be a kid. You’ll feel more at ease about it. Every mom only wants what is best for her children.

Thank you very much to Jamie for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Pleasantville resident Hillary Marra, who has a consulting business called My Family Food Coach. She also is the co-founder of The Edible Garden at Bedford Road School in Pleasantville, where schoolchildren are growing, harvesting and eating their crops. She’s also a mom of three children, ages 16, 13 and 9.

Q: When you meet with your clients for the first time, what are you hearing about their eating habits?

P: The first thing I hear is how busy families are with parents working, volunteering and driving their kids to different activities. Behind that is a cry for help. There’s no extended family to pick up the task of making dinner. There’s also an underlying fear of failing with family food, since there are so many emotions intertwined. As uncomfortable as it is for 5 o’clock to roll around and you don’t know what you’re making for dinner, it’s familiar. It’s scarier for many people to set the menu on Sunday night and say, “Tomorrow we’re going to have chicken and rice.” When people come to me, they are worried about getting their kids to eat a healthy dinner, but I help them understand that dinner is just one of the meals of the day. Getting kids to eat healthy for life is a bigger investment.

Q: Why is this seemingly simple and timeless task — feeding ourselves and our kids — so complicated?

P: Parents lead busy lives, and the essential task of providing family meals is never-ending. This is not easy for everyone. Some parents need help planning, some with cooking, some with sidestepping the power struggles. Also, there is a fine line between giving too many choices and being too controlling with our family food. There are so many emotions involved with food. It can be stressful, and kids know when they can push the food button. It is our reaction to our children’s behavior we sometimes need to change. When our kids see their food behavior doesn’t get a rise out of us, they change their own food behavior. So the ultimate power within our reach is changing our response to their behavior instead of trying to change our children.

Q: What benefits have you seen when a family changes its eating habits — beyond perhaps losing a few pounds? Any interesting stories?

P: People come to me to get their kids to eat healthier, but what happens along the way is they stop fighting about food. They begin to have a closer relationship with their child because they are no longer waging daily battles with them over what they will eat. I remember being at the home of one mom and when she heard the sound of her daughter getting a snack, she called out, “Why are you opening the fridge?” I asked her if she would do the same thing if her daughter was slender, and she said, “Probably not.” The daughter was beautiful, she was curvy. Imagine if the only limited interaction between a teenage daughter and her mom is telling her to close the fridge? It distances her from her mother. It starts with these negative feelings and this lack of closeness. As parents, when we give up trying to be right and recognize we want our kids to eat healthy because we love them, we are then able to see the little things we can do on our end. Instead of trying to change our kids’ behavior, whether by bribery or by force, we can bring pleasure into the picture with simple daily efforts that work. When you stop the family food fight, relationships between parent and child deepen. If you are a mom whose daughter throws away the healthy lunch you pack, start a dialogue with your child. The conversation can begin by asking your daughters what they want to eat, how much, how often and how to balance this with other foods. Forbidden foods become less desirable when we are taught how to enjoy them in moderation. Trust me, I know. I am in this field of food coaching because I struggled as a teen, not knowing what to eat. I have kept 20 pounds off for 20 years when I stopped dieting and learned to eat healthy and enjoy all foods. Food conversations with our children can diffuse power struggles.

Q: How can we as parents get our kids interested in healthy food?

P: It’s important to welcome children into the kitchen by taking them to buy a cookbook or cooking utensils. It speaks volumes to buy fun trays and kitchen tools for kids — there’s an unspoken, “You belong, welcomeâ€? message. Most children, if welcomed into the kitchen, want to create and play with food. Many times people put gates at the kitchen door to keep their young children out. I ask clients, “How and when will you let them in?” If you increase their food experiences as toddlers, you’ll tap into their natural curiosity. When kids cook, they proudly own their food and want to eat it and it’s no longer about “good” food versus “bad” food. When kids grow their own food, they are also so invested in it. I co-founded The Edible Garden at Bedford Road School in Pleasantville with Andrea Garbarini so all 700 kindergarten through fourth graders would connect to and enjoy their fresh, healthy, curriculum-related crops in a hands-on way. When kids grow it, they want to eat radishes on baguettes with cream cheese, broccoli with dip and salad tacos and wraps. Sometimes it’s as easy as getting kids in the kitchen cooking, shopping together at the farmer’s market and having aesthetically pleasing fresh fruits and vegetables available when they’re hungry. Having their friends over for dinner is fun and effective. Creating basic, enjoyable rituals with fresh food goes a long way. Getting our kids to eat healthy can start by simply saying less. When they taste new foods, resist the temptation to make a big deal about their liking the foods, and instead praise them for being good at trying new foods.

Q: What are some basic strategies all parents can try to get their households eating healthier?

P: Simple things parents can do and feel good about is having cut up fruits and vegetables with dip at eye level in the fridge ready when kids are hungry at 5 p.m. Change the word “dinner� to “food time� and our shoulders will go down a notch. Five o’clock comes every day and with a simple plan, we can enjoy rather than dread this part of the evening. The 5 o’clock plan helps keep kids from reaching for packaged snacks or melting down because they’re hungry while we’re trying to hang on to pulling off the perfect home-cooked meal called dinner. Put the fruit, veggies, and dip on the table and say food time will be soon. These simple new strategies we take on are more effective than trying to change our child. Another thing parents can do is to know what nights they absolutely can’t cook because they get home too late. Opt for some healthy takeout like Greek salad with soup, hummus and pita or anything grilled or sautéed rather than deep fried. I teach simple recipes and what to have on hand in the house. Any of these ideas implemented slowly and consistently, equals success. Sometimes we try to change too much all at once. One change a month equals 12 a year, and that’s something to feel great about!

Q: How much of this is mental? That is, if you make excuses about being busy, you give yourself and your family permission to order pizza yet again?

P: You’re right, so much is mental. It’s hard for some parents to figure out food on their own. I, too, would order pizza again if I didn’t have other strategies in place or food in the house. When eating right becomes easy, enthusiasm enters the picture. When we enjoy good-tasting food without fighting and everyone eats something, not only is the dread of family meals removed, we also have more time and energy to focus on other things we enjoy. Much of this happens with a plan in place, for example, knowing in advance what day of the week will be planned pizza, rather than thinking all day about what’s for dinner. Rather than play short-order cook, it’s helpful to serve parts of the meal where everyone likes something. An example of this is to make turkey tacos for the two children who like it, while making a turkey burger for the third child who doesn’t.

Q: What’s a typical weekday dinner for you?

P: On a planned pizza day we’ll order pizza plain or with vegetable toppings, sautéed broccoli on the side and lentil soup from a local pizzeria. People love hearing that my kids eat frozen food or take-out on busy days. On days I can cook, we’ll have turkey burgers or tacos, chicken fajitas, grilled salmon, or baked chicken parmesan with pasta and broccoli. I look to rev foods up a notch to make them more healthful by baking instead of frying and, when ordering take-out, add healthful foods, like the soup and broccoli, with the pizza order.

Q: Any favorite recipe you’d like to share that kids are guaranteed to love?

P: Most kids like quesadillas, my revving it up version takes three ingredients and five minutes, and it’s a delicious, healthy dish high in protein and fiber!

Hillary’s quesadillas

Ingredients: whole wheat or white flour tortillas, organic low-fat shredded mozzarella or other type of cheese, 1 can of black beans, drained.

Place one tortilla in skillet without adding any butter or oil.
Sprinkle shredded cheese to cover surface of tortilla.
Place a thin layer of drained beans on top of cheese.
Top with second tortilla.
Cook on low flame several minutes, flipping until each side of quesadilla is lightly browned and cheese is melted.
Cut into pieces and serve.

Q: What are your children’s favorite foods?

P: Some of my three kids’ favorite foods are chocolate, sugar and hot dogs. Don’t think I’m kidding! We have balance because the one who loves chocolate also loves salads and whole grains; the one who loves sugar loves beans, cooked broccoli and raw carrots; and the one who loves hot dogs loves soup and cooked vegetables. They all love fruit. I emphasize cooked versus raw vegetables because one way of sidestepping a power struggle is feeding vegetables to your child the way they like them. Having the child who doesn’t like raw vegetables make the salad dressing and proudly tossing the salad goes farther than force in getting them to taste it. When they do taste it, we succeed if we praise their trying something new, not whether or not they like it. We just have to remember not to comment too much. I encourage parents to stay away from force and bribery, which can backfire. I have worked with adult clients who don’t eat certain foods because they were forced to as kids.

Q: What do you always have on hand for snacks?

P: I always have salsa and tortilla chips and pretzels in the house as well as fruit, baby carrots, broccoli, yogurt, antibiotic-free turkey and organic cheese. I do excel at having a plan and having a beautiful fruit platter or veggies and dip at eye-level in the fridge at 5 p.m. for the kids to grab when they’re starving. Talking less about food and acting with a plan works.

Q: What’s your strategy for balancing healthy eating with the allure of snack foods that your kids undoubtedly encounter in friends’ houses and at the grocery store?

P: I like to have ingredients on hand in case we feel like making things on a whim like apple crisp, banana or pumpkin bread or oatmeal raisin cookies. This one hour of baking teaches kids the skills they need to feel comfortable in the kitchen for life and feeds them homemade goodies that crowd out the store bought ones. Kids’ taste buds do develop. If they are raised on processed foods, that’s what they will prefer. When the kids go to friends’ houses, it’s more important to bond with the friends than judge the food. There are five meals a day, and healthy eating is something that happens over time rather than making every meal perfect. They need to learn how to eat the other stuff in moderation. My approach is realistic and not rigid. For example, one day my son and I went to Friendly’s and he saw a picture of a humungous burger with the works. I took a step back and said I could be a food warden or I could understand this is only one meal. I choose to ease up and bond with my kid. I said, “Listen to your body and have as much as you want, but stop eating when you’re full.” Then the waitress came over and said, “You get two free scoops of ice cream with your meal,” I could have keeled over. I said we would get it to go, hoping it would melt in the car or I could put it in the freezer at home to save it for another time.

Q: How do you help a child focus on eating right and yet at the same time not over-emphasize food to the point where he or she starts to question themselves and get obsessed with weight or dieting?

P: I’ve kept 20 pounds off for 20 years when I stopped dieting and learned to eat healthy. The depriving approach makes forbidden foods more desirable. Being a role model, especially for mothers, is a huge opportunity. Instead of controlling our children with food, we can show that we can eat sitting and when hungry rather than when stressed or for other reasons. We can let our daughters hear us proudly ask for jeans for curvy shapes if that is our body type. We can show them we feel good about ourselves with food and then go forth to live our best lives. When our food is in order we are free to enjoy everything else life has to offer.

Thank you very much to Hillary for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Paul Kurnit, professor of marketing at Pace University. Paul also has his own business, Kurnit Communications and KidShop. A Cortlandt Manor resident, Paul has had experience on the other side of the TV screen as the father of two adult children, Ara and Jesse.

Q: You’ve helped companies like Disney, the Gap, General Mills, Hasbro, McDonald’s, Nickelodeon, Scholastic, Sony, Polaroid, Universal Studios and Pepsi market their products to children. What’s the biggest difference between reaching children and older consumers?

P: Children are consumed by and consumers of fun, wonder, fantasy, play and what if? With kids anything is possible. They are pre-socialized, direct, honest and critical in the most innocently perceptive ways. So, reaching them is both challenging and a blast. If so much of what we sell them is about enhancing their lives through discovery and fulfillment, the burden on the communication needs to be clear, differentiated, engaging and truthful. The promise of the experience had better be met by the experience itself. Because the kid buzz network can be brutal on any Monday morning in school when kids will trash an over-promised movie, toy, food or any other weekend purchase that has let them down.

Q: What are some of the techniques you helped companies use to advertise to kids? How has this business become increasingly sophisticated? Any war stories?

P: In the ’80s my advertising agency, Griffin Bacal, was a real pioneer in the kids advertising world. Here are several conventions in advertising we invented at that time:
• Animation for food advertising was commonly employed, but for toy advertising, it was not permitted by the networks. We changed that.
• As an innovative response to the huge success of “Star Wars� as a toy line with the movies as the inspiration for the play scenarios, we worked with Marvel Comics to develop a storyline platform first for GI Joe and then Transformers to provide a vehicle for kids to access the brand play patterns beyond the TV commercials we ran. We also produced TV programming for both — and for My Little Pony and other properties that became very successful in their own rite.
• We completely changed the face of board game advertising for kids by capturing the core fantasy idea of each game and executing it on film intercut with the actual game play. Until that time, virtually all board game commercials looked alike — four kids sitting around a board smiling and having fun, while a voiceover announcer explained the rules. Our work revitalized the Milton Bradley business that had been acquired by Hasbro.

Q: You also been an executive vice president at Sunbow Entertainment, which brought us TV shows based on toys like the Transformers, GI Joe and My Little Pony. When parents see programs that are tied so closely to toys, we sometimes worry the shows are little more than prolonged advertisements. What was it like inside that environment? Are we right to worry?

P: Don’t worry. Much was made of the “program-length advertising� issue. The Federal Trade Commission mandated that commercials for like properties could not run in or adjacent to programming of the same name or property. But, the real story here, both then and now, is if the program doesn’t have merit and hold kids’ interest as a unique entertainment form, the programming will die a quick death. A case in point was a doll property, Jem. We invented a great story about her, a music executive by day, a rock star by night. She had a band. There was a nemesis band. The doll property never made it past year one, but the programming had a successful run, two years after the dolls were pulled from toy store shelves.

Q: When parents hear the words “advertising” and “children” in the same sentence, we tend to get nervous. As someone who is both a parent and a marketing expert who has made a career out of selling stuff to kids, what’s your take?

P: Advertising is the engine of commerce and of democracy. Advertising plays a huge role in informing kids of what’s out there and inspiring interest in wanting goods and services. This is a rite of passage. It is access to the commercial world we live in. For those who express disdain and worse about advertising to kids, the train has left the station. We are no longer an agrarian or industrial 19th century nation where kids worked in fields and factories. Today’s kids are integrated into the fabric of society. Marketing and advertising is an essential part of that fabric.

Q: You also are involved with the Children’s Advertising Review Unit of the Better Business Bureau. What’s your reason for getting involved? And what are some of the problems you’ve seen in advertisements to kids?

P: I’ve been involved with CARU for over 25 years. I leapt at the opportunity to be part of this organization in the early days of my tenure at Griffin Bacal. I firmly believe that commercial communication to kids has got to be responsive and responsible. We need to be diligent and vigilant about the goods and services we “sell� to kids of varying ages. We need to be certain that our communication is truthful and accessible. And, we need to be constantly in step with new commercial techniques and media to ensure responsible communication to kids.

Q: What makes advertising to kids so powerful, in your view? Is it the child’s willingness to accept the message?

P: Advertising to kids has become much less powerful over time. Kids see so much of it that they are becoming both more immune to and critical of sales pitches. Research shows that about half of all kids today have a healthy distrust of advertising.

Q: What about the role children are playing in making household spending decisions? It seems kids are now only watching the ads, but using those inputs to influence their parents. How is this affecting advertising messages to children?

P: Kids play a large and growing role in household purchase decisions. We have seen a still relatively small but significant growth in kids’ influence regarding restaurant choices, vacations, technology products, cars and evening family home-buying decisions. It’s because today’s family is more closely knit than at any time in history. The post-war adage of “kids should be seen and not heard� is long over. Kids are active and activist members of the family — third parents in decision making.

Q: As a behind-the-scenes expert in this arena, how has this changed the habits in your own family over the years? Have you ever felt compelled to warn your kids about what they see on TV?

P: My kids grew up through all of the foregoing shift in the kid marketing world. My wife and I never restricted our kids in their TV viewing or toy playing. We always had an active dialog with them and provided a diverse panoply of activities — sports, friends, clubs, music, travel, dining out — to inspire balance in their evolving senses of self and relationship to the world.

Q: What advice do you have for parents who worry about their kids watching advertisements? What kind of conversations do you think are helpful to guide children to be discriminating viewers?

P: Worried parents create worried kids. Parents should be involved with their kids, talking to them, playing with them, guiding them, protecting them. If something on television is inappropriate for kids, parents can make that call, reasonably, realistically, rationally. Kids will “get it� and appreciate it. Parenting today needs to get back to some of the fundamentals. Kids need rules and limits — a good healthy “no� when appropriate — to grow up balanced, content and appreciative of what they have and who they are.

Thank you very much to Paul for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Scarsdale resident Claire Civetta, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker and a mom of three children: Alexander, 20; Nicholas, 17; and Christie, 15. Claire knows what it’s like to buy and sell a home when children are in the picture. She offers some hope for parents who can’t purge all their children’s belongings — it turns out that buyers actually like a home with a lived-in look — as long as that doesn’t mean peanut butter-and-jelly smears on the bannister. As a mom who had had to transplant her kids more than once, Claire also offers tips for keeping the emotional upheaval to a minimum — and getting kids excited about a move.

Q: How does your advice for clients about buying and selling a house differ when you are dealing with parents of children living at home?

P: First and foremost, as a professional real estate broker, I carefully listen to my client’s concerns and needs, whether it involves children, pets or elderly parents. As a buyer’s agent, full disclosure regarding the property is appropriate and expected. I will share anything about the property and the location that I think would enhance their family lives. As a selling agent, I educate my seller as to how buyers will view their home. It can be a delicate conversation, especially if there are serious issues that effect the saleability of the home, like a child’s favorite musky smelling ferret, a propensity for toy clutter or a shabby yard. Buyers respond to the house and the environment, therefore it is important to educate the sellers on how a single issue — as simple as making sure the banisters are not sticky — can place the home in a unfavorable light. Years ago, I fell in love with a home because it was filled with books and children. There was not one television in the place, and the mother was sitting on the front porch reading to her children. I wanted that house before I walked in the door.

Q: When a parent is shopping for a new home, what is the best way to involve a child? How does it differ by age?

P: This is truly a personal call. I think getting a child involved “after” the house decision has been made — and if possible after the contracts are signed — is a healthy approach. There is always an immediate emotional response, either positive or negative. If there is a change of school involved, kids are absorbed with so much personal change that the fun stuff, like picking their bedroom or the colors for their room or having their friends participate, gives them control over their new environment. When my daughter was 10, we moved and not only did she pick the color for her new room but together we stenciled butterflies and ladybugs in her bathroom. In another move, I allowed my teenage daughter and her friend to paint her oversized closet. They had a blast putting their purple hand prints all over the walls.

Q: What happens when children accompany their parents to open houses and showings?

P: There is not one agent who does not have a “Saturday from hell” story when unruly kids are brought along for the ride. It is exhausting trying to educate a buyer, highlight a home, sell a location and navigate a child’s demand for attention. Serious buyers need to make good use of their time and remain focused. I help them by involving the kids, like allowing them to be the leader orgiving them one of my cards to hold. If the parents are reluctant to set clear rules as to what is appropriate in someone’s home, I gently set them. If that doesn’t work, I do the “distraction dance.” I have been fortunate that my “Saturday from hell” only involved a child throwing up in my car and not throwing a tantrum.

Q: What do you tell parents about protecting kids from the emotional ups and downs of the real-estate market, which can include getting your heart set on a house only to lose it to another buyer?

P: I believe that any house can be a home. Moving is one of the top three stress inducing changes, along with divorce and death. Exposing children to the adult fears and concerns about if and when a house will sell, or whether a family can afford the next house, is a personal decision. The buyer should know their child’s emotional texture and decide how much detail is appropriate. In my experience, all children — be they grade schoolers or teenagers — do not like the idea of moving, so why add more stress to the mix? Things like scheduling the showing when the kids are in school and having telephone discussions with your real estate agent without your children present can keep the process removed from their day-to-day lives. Once the contracts are signed, sealed and delivered, then the fun can begin.

Q: What about when you are trying to sell your house and your living room is full of Legos or your teenager’s room is a disaster area? How do you get your house in shape for buyers and still allow your kids to be kids?

P: Buyers respond to life. That is why you will hear many brokers say that it is more difficult to sell an empty house then a full one. If there is a teenager involved, it is difficult. But the saleability of the house is crucial. Sometimes the parent has to be more proactive and do the organizing and straightening. The showings can be arranged for after the cleaning day or while the kids are in school.

Q: What were your strategies with your children when you have had to move to a new home?

P: My children and I have moved several times, most recently in May. At their current ages — 20, 17 and 15 — they were more involved and interested in participating. Clear requests, like taking down existing wall paper and making sure we had wireless connections throughout the house, were easy for me to accommodate. At any age, the need for ownership and comfort is necessary.

Q: What advice do you give parents that you wish they all would follow?

P: Temper your excitement about a new house until contracts are signed. Understand how this move will change your child’s world. Allow them some age-appropriate control over their new environment. Be positive no matter what the reasons are for moving. And remember, any house can be a home!

Thank you very much to Claire for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q& P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with David E. Bank, director of the Center For Dermatology, Cosmetic and Laser Surgery in Mount Kisco in Mount Kisco. David, a resident of Mount Kisco, is also the father of Michael, 15, and Alex, 11.

Q: What advice to you have for keeping children’s skin healthy?

P: There are many ways to keep children’s skin healthy. Routines such as gentle cleansing and light moisturizing daily are good, but the most important thing to remember is sun protection. Using sunscreens, sun protecting clothing or even cutting down on the amount of sun a child might get in one day will help reduce problems of the skin that the child might have in the future.

Q: How should a parent choose a dermatologist for a child? Is there a specialty in pediatric dermatology, or are all dermatologists trained to treat kids? What questions should a parent ask a dermatologist before making that first appointment?

P: Most dermatologists see children, but it is still important to ask if that particular doctor does or does not. Yes, there are pediatric dermatology specialists, but these specialists are usually seen for uncommon or difficult-to-treat conditions.

Q: At what age should a child have his or her first visit to a dermatologist, and what should happen on that visit?

P: It is never too early to start seeing a dermatologist. At that visit, the doctor will ask questions about the history of the child’s condition, examine the child’s skin and then make specific skin care recommendations that can be used to treat the child’s condition.

Q: What’s the skin care routine in your house?

P: The skin care routine in my house, and the one I most recommend to other parents, is wash in both the morning and night, moisturize lightly and use sun protection. Also, if needed, as my 15-year-old son does, use acne products.

Q: What kind of skin cleanser do you recommend for children and for teens? Is soap-and-water OK?

P: The type of skin cleanser depends on the child’s skin type. Over-the-counter gentle cleansers are a good place to start, but if the child’s skin tends to be oily, then soap and water is OK to use.

Q: How should parents of teens deal with acne? Are over-the-counter remedies OK? Any favorites? Any to avoid? How does your 15-year-old control pimples?

P: Yes, it is OK to use over-the-counter remedies due to the fact that most of these remedies contain some of the ingredients that are contained in prescription medications, such as benzoyl peroxide, sulfur, and/or salicylic acid. Try to avoid anything that’s going to irritate or dry out your child’s skin to the point of being uncomfortable. This all depends on your child’s skin type. Some over-the-counter product recommendations I would give are for OXY, Clearasil, and Proactive. My 15-year-old uses a prescription topical cleanser and an antibiotic (minocycline) that is taken by mouth.

Q: When we think of skin health, sunburn and cancer risk come to mind. Do today’s children get that connection? What do you tell parents about keeping their kids safe from ultraviolet rays?

P: Today’s kids are starting to get the connection between sunburn and cancer risk, but unfortunately many teens still go “tanning” and don’t wear sunscreen. When talking to parents about keeping their kids safe from UV rays, I try to get the parents to try several different types of sunscreen preparations such as sprays, creams, lotions, etc. Try to frame the question to the child. Ask, “Which one do you want to wear?” rather than, “Will you please put sunscreen on?” This might help your child figure out which sunscreen they like best and might make it a little easier and more enjoyable for the child.

Q: As the calendar turns to autumn, do parents still need to be vigilant about sunscreen? What other skin protection strategies are important for winter?

P: It is very important that parents remain vigilant about sunscreen, as it has been shown that the majority of accumulated sun damage is “incidental” sun that we get on a daily basis all year long. Also, it is important for parents to use moisturizers to help keep the skin healthy and hydrated.

Q: Is it safe and appropriate for teenagers to receive cosmetic skin treatments? And which ones are popular?

P: This is a very difficult to answer due to the fact that it depends on that particular child and the procedure that they want done. Many of our teens will have simple non-invasive cosmetic skin treatments, such as microdermabrasion and glycolic treatments, to clean out their pores (which are very popular). But this, of course, is very different and is not invasive compared to other procedures, such as liposuction. It all depends on the person and their own personal reasons for why they might want to do a particular procedure.

Thank you very much to David for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Adrienne Marcus, executive director of the Lexington Center for Recovery. The Lexington Center treats people — including teens and adolescents — with alcoholism and other drug dependencies. In Westchester, the Lexington Center has programs in Mount Kisco, New Rochelle, Yonkers, White Plains and Peekskill. Adrienne, a resident of Mount Kisco, is also the mom of Rachel, 20, and Emily, 13.

Q: In your experience, how surprised are parents when they learn that their child needs help with substance abuse? Why didn’t they know?

P: Most parents are in denial. They don’t want to know, or even admit, that their child has a substance-abuse problem. Although they may notice behavioral changes — like their child not coming home at night, school grades slipping or not meeting responsibilities — they don’t know to what to attribute that. But when parents are told by a professional that their child has a problem — when there’s a label put on it — they feel a sense of relief, because now they have something specific to address and help with.

Q: What symptoms of substance abuse should parents be on the lookout for?

P: When a child’s behavior changes drastically, that’s usually a sign that the child is abusing substances. Substance abuse is very evident if you know what to look for: Severe mood swings, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, lying, diminished interest in hobbies or friends, avoiding family and overreaction to criticism are just a few signs of a problem.

Q: How can you decipher the difference between teenage experiments and addiction?

P: There is a very clear difference between experimentation and addiction. Experimentation does not prompt severe behavioral changes like addiction does. If you notice those signs, and if you have to ask yourself if your child has a problem, he probably does.

Q: What’s the best way to intervene if you think your child is abusing drugs or alcohol? Where should you do it? What should you say?

P: There’s a very simple answer to this question: Ask yourself what you would do if your child had a debilitating physical disease. You’d do everything in your power to help, right? Addiction is also a disease, so you should seek out as much help and support as you can. Ask your clergy person, a school guidance counselor or your child’s physician to provide support, too. They are all professionals who can help you develop a plan for intervening. Both parents must be on the same page about their child’s problem so that they can address their child from a united front. Parents also need to look at their own behavior and addictions, because they’re models for their children. In talking to their kids, parents should address the issue in the same manner in which they would discuss anything else. They should use the same kind of language they normally use to communicate. The conversation should be kept open and comfortable so that the child does not feel as if he is under attack — rather, he should feel loved and nurtured, because an intervention is not an inherently comfortable situation.

Q: Can parents help children themselves, or should they look for a rehabilitation program? And, how do you choose a program?

P: I can’t reiterate enough that an addiction should be addressed like a physical disease — with all the help possible. Unfortunately, though, the first step should be to check your insurance policy to see what it will cover. I am also a firm believer that recovery comes with a loving circle of support, which is part of Lexington Center for Recovery’s mission statement. It is so important for parents and families to be involved. Therefore, I don’t believe that sending a child away to “take care of the situation” themselves is a healthy option. Outpatient programs, such as those we offer, begin with evaluations. The evaluation will determine what the core issues are, what the addict needs to work on and how the recovery counselors are going to help. If you don’t like the results of the evaluation, or if you don’t like a particular approach to that program’s recovery process, seek out the help of another program. In Westchester County, there are many options. You can begin your search at the Department of Community Mental Health.

Q: How can you develop a trusting relationship with your child in the context of substance abuse?

P: A trusting relationship has to be developed over time, but when confronting a child about his substance abuse, do it in a loving, caring manner. To prevent your child from feeling attacked in the case of a confrontation or discussion, make sure you express concern. Children don’t want to be patronized, so tell them that you expect them to get help and make suggestions on how they can. That will empower them, enable them to feel more comfortable knowing that they have parental support, and work to overcome their addiction.

Q: When did you start teaching your own children about avoiding drugs? What did you say and how did the language of that message change as they grew up?

P: My philosophy is to be honest about everything with my children, including the nature of my work. I started educating them at a young age about alcohol and substance abuse. My daughters practically grew up at Lexington Center for Recovery. They were always here, interacting with our clients and our counselors. They were exposed to the dangers of substance use and saw firsthand the damage it causes. Of course, they learned about it in school, as well, so the message was coming from a variety of different sources. That’s an important factor in educating children: Repetition. If they receive information from a variety of trusted sources, they are more likely to heed advice.

Q: What’s the one thing you wish parents would do to help their kids avoid ending up in a program like yours?

P: Parents really need to look at their own behavior. One of the hardest things for parents to understand is that their behavior is mimicked by their children. It might be one of the hardest things they’ll ever do, but if a parent has a drink at dinner every night with their child, they need to strongly consider how their child is going to view alcohol consumption. At the end of the day, it’s about behavior modeling.

Thank you very much to Adrienne for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P. If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom and pediatric dentist mom.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Neil Watson, executive director of the Katonah Museum of Art. Neil, a resident of Katonah, kindly offers his insight for introducing children to art museums — and gives useful tips on the best ways to make the experience pleasurable for everyone. (A full stomach is a must.) Neil also tells us what it’s been like to be a museum executive and the father of a 6-year-old art lover named Cleo. This picture below shows the pair in 2003 at the Museum of Glass, where Neil was chief curator. They are wearing goggles because they were on the floor with artists while they were blowing glass.

Q: People often think of art galleries and museums as places that are quiet and contemplative — not adjectives you’d use to describe the atmosphere around most kids. Do children belong there?

P: The Katonah Museum welcomes children and families. For each exhibition, our education department creates unique activities and projects for children as a way to engage in the art. These activities provide a way for children to channel their energy appropriately, to learn about looking at and seeing art and to have fun, which we hope translates into wanting to come back!

Q: What should a parent do if a fellow art patron seems unhappy with youthful exuberance?

P: Bringing children to a museum is similar to taking them out to eat at a restaurant or to a movie. If parents prepare their children for what is acceptable behavior in these settings, then half the battle is won. At the Katonah Museum, we have a dedicated learning center where parents and children can enthusiastically engage in coloring, drawing and creating their own art. And we have an outdoor sculpture garden where children can frolic should they get the urge.

Q: Is there an ideal age to start taking children to art galleries and museums? Does it depend on the museum? For example, the Museum of Modern Art versus the Metropolitan Museum versus a smaller venue like the Katonah Museum of Art?

P: Like people, each museum has a personality all its own. I think a museum that is the scale of the Katonah Museum is actually a terrific way to introduce youngsters to art viewing because it is not overwhelming and the exhibitions are designed to engage visitors of all ages.

Q: Is there a time of day that’s best to bring kids? How long should a visit be?

P: I think we all appreciate looking at art when we’re not tired or hungry, when we can focus our attention and engage. For some of us that’s earlier in the day — during the week we open at 10 — or after lunch. In the Learning Center on Saturdays, the museum has a free story time at 10:30. On Saturdays and Sundays at 1, there is a free “See and Do� art activity, so those are also good times for families to visit the museum.

Q: How can parents help their kids connect with the art in a museum?

P: One great thing parents can do is to prepare themselves before a visit is to take a look at a museum’s Web site and familiarize themselves with the exhibition they are going to see. Is it appropriate for children? Does their child have a special interest that the exhibition speaks to? For larger institutions, knowing things like where the bathrooms are or if there is a restaurant can be very helpful. Parents can even print out materials for their children to read or look at on the journey to the museum and allow their child to set the agenda for the visit.

Q: When did you introduce Cleo to art galleries and museums? Which have been her favorites and what has made the experiences special?

P: My wife, Jude, who is a writer, and I moved, with Cleo, in 2001 from West Palm Beach, Fla., to the Pacific Northwest, when Cleo was 6 weeks old. I was hired as the chief curator at the brand new, not-yet-opened Museum of Glass, in Tacoma, Wash. Cleo was going to gallery openings in Seattle by the time she was 4 months old. She attended the opening of the Museum of Glass in 2002 and has been going to galleries and museums ever since. Cleo does have a certain allegiance to the Katonah Museum, as she will point out, “Daddy, after all, I am a member.� And she is.

Cleo has always enjoyed the KMA’s Learning Center and the Sculpture Garden. While she has been to many museums, Cleo is partial to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and loves the Egyptian galleries specifically — it’s the mummies that get her, and, of course, the knights and armor galleries. Cleo and I went to the Met this past spring and we took the audio tour, which is self-guided, fun and educational — all in one. Not only did she like the hand-held audio hardware — and Cleo was very adept at plugging in the appropriate audio tour number — she also loved wearing the “ear muffs” (headphones). She was not content to listen to only the family tours that many objects have — she wanted to listen to the regular adult commentaries as well. And she listened to the entire explanation. She also likes the Museum of Modern Art, which, because of the large scale of many contemporary works of art, is fun for kids. The Museum of Natural History is just that, a natural for kids. I would have to say that Cleo truly loves all of the museum stores equally, and she shops!

Q: Have you explored other museums in the Lower Hudson Valley? If so, which are your favorites for kids, and why?

P: I think the Hudson River Museum does an excellent job with kids. The Neuberger Museum of Art is also a great institution, which is part of SUNY Purchase. Across the street from them is the PepsiCo outdoor sculpture park, and that is a great place for kids to run around and see magnificent outdoor sculpture. Although not in lower Westchester, Cleo had a great time at Dia Beacon, which is a 275,000-square-foot museum that was once a printing plant for Nabisco. Dia is a great outing for the entire family, even if you do not know about the art that Dia specializes in, specifically Minimalism from the later 20th century. The space is terrific, and the art is wonderful. It is less than an hour from Katonah. Not far from Dia is the Storm King Art Center, a unique sculpture park, that is primary site-specific, outdoor sculpture, and is just a great deal of fun and awe inspiring for all ages. They have an Andy Goldsworthy stone wall that disappears into a pond that enthralls everyone who sees it.

Q: Can you explain why your new exhibit — “Children Should Be Seen: The Image of the Child in American Picture-Book Art” — is a good one for children? Is there a particular age group that’s best?

P: There are so many ways for children to engage in the “Children Should Be Seen” exhibition. For many, this may be an opportunity to see original art work from some of their favorite story books. For others it may be a chance for them to understand all of the different ways art is made — paintings, collages, drawings, photographs. They may be inspired to write and illustrate their own stories after seeing this exhibition. And for this exhibition, we turned the museum’s Pryor Gallery into a comfy reading room where children can read many of the books that are featured in the exhibition. I think this exhibition appeals to children who are old enough to be read to, and up from there.

Q: How can children benefits from programs at the Katonah Museum of Art’s Learning Center?

P: The Katonah Museum Learning Center is always open for drop-in activities that enhance and expand a visit to the museum. Throughout the year, the museum offers regularly scheduled art classes for children ages 3 to 5, and for children in grades 1 through 5. For more than 20 years, we have hosted a Young Artists exhibition drawn from the work of high school students from Fairfield, Westchester, and Putnam counties.

Thank you very much to Neil for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

I turned to Pam for her perspective on keeping organized for today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short. Pam isn’t just an entrepreneur — she’s the mom of 11-year-old Kevin and 8-year-old Katie (pictured below with mom in a photo by staff photographer Tom Nycz).

Q: Why be organized when it’s so much easier to let things slide?

P: Organized people save time and money and reduce stress and frustration levels.

Q: When did you realize you had to get organized?

P: I’ve always been organized, but realized that I needed a better system when both of my kids were in elementary school and busy with after-school programs.

Q: Is there something about being a mom that makes organizing a must?

P: Young children demand a lot of time and energy, and sometimes you don’t have a lot of time — or energy for that matter. When you’re busy being a mom and you need information, whether it’s to call the pediatrician or the painter, RSVP for a 4-year-old’s birthday party or the neighborhood block party, remember when your child had his immunization shot or if there’s a soccer practice today, you want to find the information quickly and do what you have to do efficiently.

Q: How do you keep the mountains of stuff your children’s lives generate — from artwork to short stories to report cards — organized?

P: I keep artwork and literature that my children generate each year in covered plastic bins. The bins are labeled and stored in the basement. I keep all report cards and state test scores together, in the same spot for the last six years. So when the report cards and test scores come in, I know where to put them. If you were to ask to see a specific year for one of my kids, I could find it rather quickly. It’s all about systems and habits.

Q: Are your children organized? If you asked them to find something in their rooms, would they be able to?

P: One child has better organizing habits than the other; however, both have been taught good organizing skills. Put it this way, we’re never delayed — running out the door — because either child is looking for their shoes (or because I’m looking for my keys).

Q: How often do you dip into your Family Life Organizers, and what for?

P: I dip into the FLO (Family Life Organizer) sometimes a few times in one day, and sometimes only once, just to check the calendar. Yesterday alone, I had to tell a friend where our seats were for the upcoming baseball game so I quickly checked the tickets. I wanted to know the dress code for a party we’re going to, so I reviewed the invitation in the calendar pocket folder. After receiving the school Emergency Dismissal Form in the mail, I quickly filled it out by looking up home and cell numbers for the appropriate people. Now that it’s time to buy back-to-school supplies, I pulled out the list — sent home on the last day of school, three months ago — from the Kids pocket folder and we’re ready to go.

Q: Do you have any tips for making it less a chore and more fun when it comes to filling out your organizer for the first time?

P: You don’t have to fill it out completely in order for it to start working for you. I don’t recommend filling it out in between helping with homework and making dinner — wait until you have time to yourself. Light a scented candle or make a cup of tea and enjoy the quiet time. Obviously, the more information you put in, the more information you’ll have for the next time you need it.

Thank you very much to Pam for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q& P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here is a link to earlier Q&P features with a Web-savvy mom, dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Anne Colucci, vice president and chief financial officer at Quorum Federal Credit Union. The 44-year-old White Plains mom has two children, Joseph, 9, and Christina, 7. Both of her kids are already expert savers, and hopefully we can all benefit from her clever tips. (Here is a link to a related story on children’s savings in our Sunday report.)

Q: We are a country of people who spend rather than save, but when it comes to our kids, we extol the value of savings. Why?

P: For me, teaching my kids how to save wisely is indirectly teaching them how to spend wisely! For example, the children come with me to buy their school clothes; some items are on sale, other items are full price. I pick a sale item and show them the price tag, which shows the full price and the marked-down price. I explain that the difference is savings, which means that money stays in Mom’s savings account. I am also trying to teach them about earning interest on money in their savings account. I explain that the credit union pays them (interest) for keeping money in their savings account. It is difficult for them to understand why the credit union would “reward� them with more money because they hold in it in the vault.

Q: Do your kids handle real money? What has this taught them about it?

P: Joseph and Christina have been handling real money since a young age. Grandma and Grandpa give them $5 to $10 for holidays like Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or occasions such as the end of a school year or losing a tooth. I have allowed them to keep this money over the years in their own wallet, as well as excess loose change that my husband or I may have. They take the opportunity to play store with this money in place of play money. From this play, they have learned that they should keep money in a protected place when they are in public (the wallet), that it is used for purchases of goods and services, and that when there is no more money in their wallets, they’ve spent it all and can’t buy any more items from the “play store.� Using play money doesn’t have the same effect, as it never seems to run out! I am happy to say that they have not lost any of this real money (though I can’t say the same for their toys), and the wallets are returned to their safe place once their game has ended.

Q: Do your children have saving accounts, piggy banks or some mix of the two? What are their feelings about saving money? Do you have to prod them or do they like it?

P: Joseph and Christina both have savings accounts and piggy banks and thoroughly enjoy watching their money grow. I mentioned earlier about their wallets, they also keep a piggy bank for their tooth fairy money and any excess change we give them. They understand that they have a savings account for “birthday money� and money received from other special occasions, such as their baptism or communion. I show them their credit union statements and explain that the credit union has a vault where the money is stored until we need to use it. They also understand that this money is special because it will be used for their college education and that everyone who has given them money to save is special because they are helping to pay for their education.

Q: How do you explain the idea of money and make it real to children when so often mom and dad just break out a credit or ATM card?

P: Joseph and Christina have used the ATM machine and the point of sale machines in retail stores. When I show them how to withdraw money from the ATM, I make sure I also show them the balance in the account before and after the withdrawal. I have explained that Mom’s job pays her every two weeks, and my paycheck is automatically deposited into my checking account. Every time I withdraw money, the balance declines. They also go food shopping with me quite often. I always choose the self-checkout option. One child will ring up the food and the other child will pack. This allows them to understand the cost of food and how much we are getting for that money.

Q: What strategies do you use around the house to help your children learn the value of money?

P: We are fortunate to belong to a country club, and the club offers lunch from a snack bar “conveniently� located by the pool. They watch many children order lunch and a midday snack every day. No money is used for these purchases; the member fills out a lunch order ticket and puts their membership number on the ticket. Joseph and Christina are very respectful of Mom’s rules. As a treat, they are allowed to have lunch and a snack on Fridays. They fully understand that every time they write our membership number on the order ticket that Mom and Dad get billed at the end of the month. However, this summer they asked me if they could get lunch more often at the club. I reminded them of the costs and they said they understood, but so many of the other kids get lunch there every day. So I said to them, “Let’s pretend that lunch costs $1.25 every day. For the rest of the summer we’ll put $1.25 in a jar for each of you and then see how much money we saved at the end of the summer by not having lunch every day. Then we can put it in the credit union and see how much interest it earns.�

Q: Do you think it’s better for kids to deal in cash or is it OK to give them their own ATM or credit card? Does this break down by age?

P: I think we need to teach our kids to use both. At the elementary school level, we should allow them to use our cash, ATM and credit cards so that they can start to understand how these methods of banking work. Sometime in middle school or freshman year of high school, parents should open a checking account for the child and let them use an ATM card, debit card, checks and so forth. I also encourage the use of a credit card at this age and allowing the child to pay for the credit card bill from their checking account. We hear time and time again that college students are solicited for credit cards and many times get themselves into debt very quickly. Bad credit can haunt a young adult for years. Consider this all-too-common scenario: a college graduate who doesn’t manage their credit card wisely ends up with a poor credit rating. They get a wonderful job after graduation, but need a car to travel to and from work. Now they need an auto loan to buy the car but they don’t qualify because of their poor credit.

Q: How can a credit union help parents teach their children about money? Should parents feel free to ask their financial institutions for help? What programs does Quorum have for young savers?

P: Credit unions offer a safe place to save money. Unlike money in a piggy bank, money in a savings account earns interest and is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration. Once the account is opened, have your child make regular deposits with you and let him see how much his balance has grown. Having their own account at a financial institution like Mom and Dad will help make them excited about saving. Teaching your children the value of money and saving while they’re young gives them a better chance of maintaining those good habits throughout adolescence and adulthood. Parents who would like information about how to teach their children about saving should definitely ask their financial institutions for help. At Quorum, we have employees who are experts about the different types of accounts and are always happy to educate our members on the best options available to them.

Thank you very much to Anne for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a Web-savvy mom, dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Bedford mom Gretchen Menzies, founder of a parenting Web site called EssentialMom.com. Gretchen started the site as a place to corral all the local parenting information she couldn’t find elsewhere — and, as a plus, it’s a way for her to work from home. Gretchen left her career as a social worker mentoring high schoolers in the Bronx to make more time for her family, which includes a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old.

Q: How did you come up with the idea for EssentialMom.com and how does it fit in with your life at home with the kids?

A: EssentialMom.com came out of my own parenting fears and hardships. When I first had kids, I was terrified — I didn’t know what had happened to my life, who these little people were, and how to access the resources I needed to get me through the day! Eventually I found an amazing group of friends who I reach out to for support and have found my own parenting style and ease. EssentialMom.com came out of the need to make the finding of those connections EASIER for other moms. I wanted to be able to allow for connections between moms, between businesses and between local organizations, all in one easy-to-access place. It has been an amazing experience for me as a parent and as a working mom. As an Internet business, EssentialMom.com allows me to work from home and to work the hours that fit into my life. Of course, that generally means I am up at 3 a.m., but I still get to go and volunteer at school or take the kids out for ice cream treats, and that’s worth every late night. On the other hand, it also allows me to work, which I love. It’s a perfect balance AND I get to hear the scoop of everything happening around Westchester first and pass it along!

Q: How often do you turn to the Internet for parenting tips? What are you looking for?

P: I know this is ridiculous, but rarely. I turn first to family and friends for support and when I disagree with them . . . well, then, I go looking. When I first had the boys though, I turned to the Internet more frequently — milestones, what to expect, etc., looking for any and all advice on how to get them to sleep, what is “normal� behavior and how to get through the first year. I now use the Internet more for researching fun ideas, projects for the kids, travel information, or places to visit and things to do.

Q: How do Web sites like EssentialMom.com make it easier for parents to find and share information?

A: I have tried to put all of the information in one place, allowing a “one stop shopping” experience for busy parents. Parents, whether they are stay at home moms and dads, parents working on businesses from home, or parents in the workplace, are busier than they have ever been in the past. They need resources, WHEN they want them, WHERE they want them — and the Internet is the perfect vehicle for that information — it’s there 24 hours a day and you can find all manner of other parents keeping the same shocking hours you are!

Q: What cautions do you have for parents who turn to the Web for information?

P: Consider your own children when you read information. Don’t believe everything you read, and only use what applies directly to you and works for you. There is so much information in the world these days, it is easy to get overwhelmed, misdiagnose, or apply what you hear out of context. You have to be careful and filter any information to apply to your own situation.

Q: What are some good strategies for moms and dads who want to communicate with other parents online?

P: Be GENTLE. Advice is great as long as it is gentle advice. Your parenting strategies may work for you and your family, but may be wrong for others. If you love breastfeeding, great, but don’t assume that it’s right for all people. If you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, don’t judge what choices others have made. Making parenting decisions is hard enough on a good day with plenty of “suggestions” from caring family and friends, don’t make the Internet another place for parents to beat themselves up about their decisions.

Q: What are some fun and useful things parents might not be aware that they can do online?

P: I like to use it to move outside of my “bubble.� It is easy to get into a rhythm of going to local places, the same easy restaurants, parks or classes. I am amazed every day by the offerings that are out there within 30 minutes of my home in Westchester that I never think of. It’s just so easy to stay close to home, but there are so many opportunities out there to discover!

Q: What are your favorite parenting Web sites, in addition to Essential Mom, and why?

P: Yours of course, with your fun discussions and feature articles! I also like Parentcenter.com. They have a weekly or daily newsletter you can sign up for that applies directly to your due date and/or child’s birth date. I used to eat up the information when the kids were babies. Certainly a lot easier and more fun reading than Dr. Spock.

Thank you very much to Gretchen for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

Not every child has grandparents living nearby, but it is possible to give all children an opportunity to spend time with a senior citizen, according to Linda Forman, the subject of today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short. Linda is vice president of community relations at United Hebrew Geriatric Center in New Rochelle. The center has a variety of intergenerational programs that allow children and teens to interact with the senior residents though a day-care center, community service and internships. Linda, a resident of Edgemont, is also the mother of two grown children, Seth, 25, and Marc, 21.

Q: When your children were young, did they have relationships with seniors? If so, what was that like?

P: My children were very lucky to have grandparents who were very active in their lives, and as a result, both of my sons have very special bonds with their grandparents. I truly believe that my sons’ and parents’ lives were deeply enriched as a result of their relationships. My parents taught them skills that I could not teach, like sailing and skiing. They shared stories of life before computers, microwaves, giant supermarkets, about World War II and the Great Depression. They told them about real history and taught them about their European heritage. Now that they are grown, they are still very close and see each other regularly. My parents just learned how to e-mail, and they keep up the relationship through the Internet, sending e-mail and pictures. I think my boys are more sensitive to aging issues due to this ongoing interaction.

Q: If a child doesn’t have a family member nearby who is a senior citizen, how can parents give their children a chance for interacting with the older generation?

A: There are so many opportunities for parents to help their children interact with seniors. I encourage them to contact local volunteer centers for a list of opportunities or ask a guidance counselor or religious leader what opportunities are available locally. Believe it or not, all it takes is a friendly visit or time together playing a game to make a real difference.

Q: How do children benefit from interacting with senior citizens?

P: The benefits of intergenerational interaction are tremendous. Our seniors absolutely love to see young people — their faces just brighten up when a young person walks into the room. The seniors share their stories, their wisdom and their experiences. The children can bring the seniors into the world of the future and enable them to feel part of it — not left behind. New friendships are forged, and each generation helps the other feel valued. Interacting with seniors helps children to develop a better sensitivity to others and teaches them to communicate with those who might come from a different culture or have a different perspective of the world around them. Youth can also develop a stronger sense of self-confidence by learning new skills taught by seniors. Perhaps most importantly, interacting with older adults enables young adults to establish positive images of aging.

Q: How can a parent help their children and their own parents have more meaningful and happy interactions?

P: The most important part of the relationship between a youth and a senior is the development of that relationship; they should take time to get to know each other. Perhaps they will find a common interest like chess, gardening or reading mystery books. Our gerontechnology program enables our residents to learn from college students how to navigate the Internet and send e-mail to family members. The students have skills that they share with our seniors. We pair them one-on-one, and they develop meaningful friendships and learn to rely on each other. It happens naturally.

Q: What are some bumps on the road to friendship between the generations, and how can they be avoided?

P: Stereotypes can sometimes get in the way of growing close to elders — especially to those who are frail. We conduct a volunteer orientation so that our volunteers understand that injury or frailty on the outside does not mean that seniors are “different� on the inside. We demonstrate to our young people what it is like to have impaired vision or physical challenges due to chronic illness. Inevitably, they become more sensitive to others and develop more empathy.

Q: What kinds of activities are best when two generations meet? When the child is a toddler? In grade school? A teenager?

P: There are appropriate activities for every age. A toddler just has to be held or throw a ball, and the seniors love it. Grade-school children can help with an arts-and-crafts project, sing or play an instrument. Teenagers are curious about history and stories of life before them. They also like being active; some activities could include planting a garden, creating a scrapbook of their friendship, introducing new foods to each other or even praying together.

Q: What advice do you have for grandparents to help them form solid relationships with their grandchildren?

P: Many of us who have been lucky enough to have grandparents know that the bond with them is different than the bond with our own parents. Positive relationships enable the grandchildren to confide in their grandparents when they need familial guidance. Listening is so important. Find a common interest and spend time together. Introduce new experiences to each other. If possible, have dinner or talk with each other once a week. Stay connected.

Thank you very much to Linda for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a mom and dad who are bicycle experts.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, Q&P for short, is with Yorktown resident Steve Diller, Westchester’s own “dog whisperer.” Steve runs the Center for Animal Behavior and Canine Training in Elmsford, where he trains thousands of dogs and their owners each year. He wrote the book, “Dogs and Their People: Choosing and Training the Best Dog for You.” He’s also the father of two. His 18-year-old daughter, Jessica, will start college at Hofstra University in September and his 16-year-old son, Gavin, will be starting his senior year at Lakeland High School. (In the picture below, Steve is with Jessica just after a performance of “Don Q.”)

Q: When is the right time for a family with children to adopt a dog?

P: While there is no set time to reflect on bringing in a family dog, there are a few criteria to keep in mind, such as the number of children in the home, their ages and gender as well as the breed and age of the potential dog being considered. Research has indicated that the best time to introduce a dog into a family is when the children are over 12 years of age. Younger children may have difficulty dealing with an energetic, mouthy puppy, which in turn makes life more complicated for the parents. Parents who are considering a dog when there are children under 8 should think about getting a breed that is sturdy enough to stand-up to the children’s energy but small enough not to knock them down during play. Safety factors also include having a well socialized and non-aggressive canine as part of the family; breed type is always secondary to good disposition. Parents who are thinking of bringing home a dog for their children must realize that despite the children chanting that they will fully care for the dog, the reality is that the parents will ultimately be responsible for feeding, walking, training and medical care. Older children can walk a dog that is not too powerful for them to handle and feeding responsibilities can also be shared.

Q: What advice do you have for parents choosing a dog? Are there certain breeds that are better than others? What about mixed breeds or designer hybrids?

P: My advice to parents is to research the various breeds of dogs by visiting web sites such as the American Kennel Club for purebred dogs or Petfinder for homeless dogs looking for their forever family. Parents often make mistakes by bringing their children into a puppy store or a shelter and allowing the children to choose the dog. The addition of a dog into a family is serious business. It is not a good idea to let kids think that dogs are disposable items to be disregarded if they get tired of the responsibility. Obtaining the right dog in the first place is extremely important for this and many other reasons. I find it easier to discuss which breed types are not inclined to do well with children versus which might be best. Dogs have been developed to behave in specific ways, we have dogs that are urged to swim and retrieve, breeds that guard people and property, breeds that seek out and destroy vermin, breeds that hunt and breeds produced for pure companionship. Guard breeds would not be my choice for families with children or couples planning on having children. Sporting breeds, while typically social and friendly, may be too energetic for small children. The hound group may have a few possibilities but each breed and individual dog has to be carefully examined for social ability as well as trainability. Breeds that were originally produced for the sport of dog fighting may still possess high fighting drives and would not be on my list of potential candidates. Dogs of mixed heritage can make amazing pets. Darwin felt that random selection produced the hardiest type. Mixed breed dogs are less likely to carry as much genetic disease as their refined purebred cousins. Simply looking at a mixed breed dog can’t help you define its heritage. Often times a mixed breed dog looks like a diluted form of a purebred but in actuality have no genetic link to the look-a-like at all.

Q: When it comes to families with children, is it better to adopt a puppy or an adult dog?

P: The real answer to this question is about both nature and nurture. A puppy’s ability to be effectively socialized can only be done up till 18 weeks of age. Developmentally, the neural pathways for social behavior close at 18 weeks of age. Dogs are social beings that do not generalize information well so this means that a puppy should be exposed to infants, toddlers, teenagers, both genders and all colors to be considered well socialized. In terms of nurture, this effort must be done in the first 18 weeks of a puppy’s life. I’ll bet many parents were not thinking about this type of enormous and time-consuming task. In terms of nature, pups with strong nerve thresholds seem to be capable of dealing with stress despite a lack of appropriate social exposure. Puppies that may have threshold issues are noise sensitive and/or touch sensitive and seem shy or fearful without ever being traumatized. When a puppy is being considered, the optimum age to leave its mother and littermates is 8 weeks of age. If an adult dog is being considered, it is ideal if the dog was well socialized with children in its last home, although I have seen stray dogs that become their adoptive family’s “Lassie.” I wish there were a simple answer here, but at the end of the day, a dog that behaves well around children is a keeper. Dogs that can’t tolerate children may be terrific dogs in strictly adult homes. The magic is in finding that perfect match.

Q: What education do children need about living with a dog?

P: Depending on the age of the children, lessons should include teaching kids that dogs like their own space. Many dogs dislike being constantly lifted and hugged as their legs dangle around. It has been an observation of mine that young children just lunge at their puppies and grab at them as if they were objects. Puppies respond by biting, as they would if assaulted by a littermate. That’s when we have a crying child and a confused pooch. Teaching children to respect animals is a wonderful — and difficult job. Including children in the training and feeding schedule is helpful. Quiet time is also healthy for both humans and dogs.

Q: What kind of training do you do with children and dogs?

P: I train parents who in turn teach their children. I enjoy having children attend my group obedience classes with their parents. I believe that it’s helpful to have the children involved with the dog-training process. Even young children take something away from attending. As long as one parent monitors the children as the other works with the puppy, it tends to work well. Supervision is the key to success with kids and dogs.

Q: What advice do you have to help children avoid being bitten by a dog?

P: Children should never just approach a dog. Dogs that are being held on a leash by an owner can be brought up to a child who wants to make contact. Allowing the dog to approach and smell the child makes it easier on the dog. Hands remain relaxed at your side until it is clear that the dog is comfortable. Always ask an owner if the dog is social and friendly before allowing the dog to get close to the child. Avoid dogs that appear wild and frenetic. After the initial contact, it is always nice when the dog can sit quietly while being stroked. After the contact, it’s best if the dog walks away from the child first. Just good etiquette in the dog world.

Q: Do you have a dog? What you did you do to help your children establish a positive relationship with it?

P: We have several dogs at home. My children were born into a home with dogs, and, in fact, so was I. My parents had a Boxer before I was born so I was the second child, in a manner of speaking. We had a German Shepherd and a Labrador when Jessica and Gavin were born. Seems like they took to living with dogs as second nature, we only ever saw the love between them. Currently, each of my kids share their beds with Cavalier King Charles Spaniels named Elliot and Grace. Napoleon, son of Grace, also shares our space and we are all cared for by Bart, our German Shepherd. In my opinion, when children grow up in the presence of dogs, it adds to their humanitarianism as adults.

Thank you very much to Steve for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! I know this will be information I’ll save for the inevitable day when Pumpkin starts asking for a pooch. (As I’ve said before in the blog, she sure loves dogs.) Check back next week for another Q&P. If you know any parents who you think would be great to feature, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, Q&P for short, is with Gayle S. Lob, a certified financial planner who lives in New Rochelle and runs Gayle Lob Financial Strategies in White Plains. She is also the mom of two adult children, Eric and Stefanie. She generously agreed to share her advice for keeping your financial sanity and raising kids who don’t assume mom and dad are human ATMs.

Q: How does your financial advice differ for parents and people who don’t have kids?

P: The first thing I do when an individual or a couple comes to me for financial planning is work on their budget and help them set their financial goals. Most people have a hard time budgeting — whether they are single or married, parents or not. I have found throughout the years that most people either spend too much or save too much. It is very hard for people to find the right balance. I try to get people to plan ahead for all expenses. If they save a little each month and purchase the plasma TV or go to Hawaii only after they have the sum they need, they won’t spend first and then figure out how they’re going to pay for it. Obviously, if they have children there will be additional expenses that need to get figured into their budget, from clothing, food, insurance, a nanny if both parents work, ballet/piano lessons, etc. When we establish financial goals, aside from the usual house purchase and retirement planning, we now have to plan for college, bar/bat mitzvah, summer camp, braces and weddings.

Q: What’s the most important financial decision a parent has to make?

P: Whether or not to give their kids orthodenture. I am only half kidding as this is another significant financial burden for parents. I would say the biggest decision is whether to send their kids to a SUNY college or a private institution. I am a product of the SUNY system — I attended SUNY at Buffalo — and my step-daughter goes there now. You can get a wonderful education for a fraction of the price of a private school. My son attended UPenn and my daughter Northwestern. But these kinds of schools required a significant investment that some people may rather put towards their own retirement instead.

Q: How has being a parent affected your own financial behavior?

P: I, personally, have always had good spending habits. I grew up in a household where credit was “verboten.� You only bought something after you had saved for it and after you had put money aside in the bank. I have tried to instill these values in my children, and I believe I have been successful. When my children were small, we calculated together how much allowance they would need. We figured how many school lunches a week they would purchase, snack money, one movie a week with their friends, and always planning an amount for charity. I remember my daughter, at age 5, had a red cloth wallet with a check book register. When she received her allowance she would enter it in. Every time she made a withdrawal, even if it was a quarter, she would write it in. She knew at all times how much money she had. I am proud to say she has carried this habit with her through college and now that she is in the work force. She always measures whether something is worth buying and whether she really needs it. She is always checking her bank balances and which bank is paying the highest interest rate. She takes a big vacation every year. Last year it was Peru and South America. Two years ago, it was Kenya and South Africa. She always makes sure her vacation fund is fully funded as this is an important goal for her.

Q: How much should parents share about their finances with their kids?

P: Kids do not need to know, nor should they know, how much a parent earns or how much money they have in investments. But they DO need to understand that a parent budgets for food, clothing, vacations, etc. When they are at the supermarket with you, explain to them how you calculate which tuna fish or paper towels are the best value. When you buy them clothing, help them understand which purchases make financial sense. If your kids have GOT to have designer jeans like their friends, you can buy them one pair, even if their friends have six pairs.

Q: How much do you share with your own children?

P: When they were small, they didn’t need to know about my investments. Now that my children are adults, they know where the key is to my safe deposit box, and they have a list of my investments in case of emergency. They seek me out to discuss their budgets, their goals, whether they should contribute to their 401K plans at work, how much and which investments they should choose. They tell all their friends about me, and many of them have hired me to be their financial planner. My children (and my new husband) are my biggest advocates.

Q: What is the right time to start planning for college? And if you say at birth, what message can parents of teenagers take away if they haven’t put much aside?

P: Einstein’s greatest discovery was the theory of compounding. So if parents have had the foresight and/or ability to start investing for college from birth, it is actually easier since it requires a smaller monthly contribution over a longer period of time. If parents have not or could not do this, it is never too late to start. My advice would be to meet with a financial planner to see what kind of costs you can anticipate and then figure out the optimal monthly or annual contribution. Then work with your financial planner to see how much is affordable. Your backup position for the difference could be a home equity or other loan. The student can also take out loans. Be sure to look into the 529 plans that offer excellent investment choices and grow tax free as long as the proceeds are used for college-related expenses.

Q: What’s the best financial advice you’ve ever received that relates to your role as a parent?

P: My parents and grandparents were products of the Depression. Their mentality was you don’t buy something till you’ve saved for it. And you always made sure you put money into savings. Too many people today are of the “instant gratification generation.� It is not necessarily their fault as we are a consumer-oriented society and credit cards are much too easily accessible. If I may, I would like to say in conclusion that children model their parents’ behavior in all respects. If we as parents conduct ourselves responsibly in dealing with our finances, there is a good chance our children will grow up to be financially responsible adults.

Thanks very much to Gayle for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! Check back next week for another Q&P. If you know any parents who you think would be great to feature, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features with a writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, environmentalist mom, pediatric dentist mom and a couple of parents who are bicycle experts.

When I started thinking about how I plan to blend my career as a writer and my life as a mother, I decided to find out how a “real” writer (a novelist) does it, and also get some tips all parents can use about sharing a love of words and books with our kids. So, today’s Questions & Parents feature, Q&P for short, is with Julia Rust, a Tarrytown mother of three and a writer. Julia’s short stories have been published by the The Cortland Review and Blue Moon Review, and she has written a novel, “Crossing Lines,” that has yet to find a publisher. Julia is also active in the The Hudson Valley Writers’ Center in Sleepy Hollow. With the center’s former executive director, Dare Thompson, and a fiction teacher and writer, David Surface, Julia helped create a writing program for schools called the WriteMind Workshop. The program, which is used in Tarrytown and Ossining schools, is designed for teachers and students in grades 4 to 12. Julia is sharing her insight into how she blends writing and mothering her children, Peter, 17, Katy, 15, and Tim, 12.

Q: What’s it like being a mom and a novelist? How does one affect the other?

P: Writing is an incredibly solitary business, and parenting is not. Both occupations can be extremely rewarding, satisfying and sometimes insanely frustrating. I like to be available to my kids. So when they’re home I try not to disappear into my office to write, although the muse hits at odd times (for example, when I should be making dinner!). Writing is a very self-centric activity, a gift I give myself. I try to do it when the kids are at school, but housework, graphic design and all the demands on my life frequently squeeze writing out. I feel like two completely different people, one social and into her family, and one desperate to hole up in a cabin and write for six months. And the irony is I’m sure I could hole up for only a few days before homesickness set in, before I missed my guys terribly. And there are times when I’m watching a movie with them, or playing a game, and the characters in my stories start talking to me, tempting me away. It’s a very divided life.

Q: Do you keep a journal? What advice do you have for parents who want to record the memories of their family lives through the written word?

P: I journal very sporadically, usually as a tool to get around writers’ block. I think memoir is a very lovely thing and I’ve read many fine examples, but I find it hard to do myself. As far as family memory keeping, I applaud anyone who can find the time and keep it organized. I wish I’d kept better track of all the amazing things my kids have said. We started three notebooks, one for each, specifically with this in mind, and then forgot about them, so they sit gathering dust and full of empty pages.

Q: How has being a writer affected your everyday activities with your family? Is everything fodder?

P: The only thing different I can see about being a writer from any other occupation is that writing makes you a keen observer. Everything you see you try to translate into language, hopefully beautiful language. So the answer to your second question is yes, everything that comes in can be used, but not entirely in the way I think you mean. Fodder as in emotionally connected events, things that give me a base to write from, possibly a neat turn of phrase. I’m not comfortable writing directly from current experience. I like to move events to the future or present them in the past, change genders, ages.

Q: How have you shared your love for books with your kids? What tips do you have for other moms and dads?

P: That love is pretty hard to miss when your mom’s nose is always buried in a book. I read to them all the time and that is the best advice I have. Read to your kids. Talk about the stories, tell your own and encourage them to tell theirs. I’m planning on re-instituting reading aloud in my house. I miss it! I started a mother-daughter book club and we met for a few years. It was a wonderful way to encourage reading and get to know the mothers of my daughter’s friends. I can’t recommend this strongly enough. It’s a wonderful way to share books.

Q: What ideas do you have for parents of really young children, like toddlers or preschoolers, to get their kids interested in telling stories?

P: I think kids are natural storytellers. Often the point of language is to express something the other party can’t see, so very young kids are practicing this all the time. My advice to parents would be to listen closely, even when, as so frequently happens, it doesn’t make sense, listen with respect and ask questions. Encourage them to elaborate. Never talk down to them. Use all your vocabulary. Young children are sponges, it’s amazing how quickly they can incorporate new words.

Q: What are some strategies for parents to get their children excited about language and words as they enter the grade school and middle school years?

P: You don’t need to get kids excited about language. They start out that way, from their first gurglings and eye-blinks right on into school. Kids are so amazingly and easily excited by so many things, the challenge isn’t to engender the good feeling but to cultivate and not stifle it. In the Tarrytown public schools, kids are given tons of opportunities in language and creative writing until seventh grade. By middle school, the creative portion takes a back seat to report writing and essays and reading becomes more about analyzing content than enjoyment. I think it’s our job at this stage to encourage them to read and write for themselves in their spare time. The Writers’ Center has wonderful writing workshops for kids in several age ranges. The schools, YMCA and JCC frequently have afterschool programs with creative writing classes.

Q: What have been some of your favorite books that you read at home with your kids?

P: When they were little, “Winnie the Pooh,” Kipling’s “Just So Stories” — which are just delightful aloud with all the repetitions, poetry really — Sandra Boynton, Dr. Seuss and P.D. Eastman. I can still recite “Go Dog Go” and “Green Eggs and Ham”! As they grew older the Fairy Books with the colors in the title, Pink, Yellow, Green, Violet, Red, Blue, I’ve forgotten how many there are. Jack London’s “Call of the Wild” is wonderful to read aloud. Harry Potter. As I said before, I miss it.

Thanks very much to Julia for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! Check back next week for another Q&P. If you know any parents who you think would be great to feature, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, Q&P for short, is with Yorktown Heights resident Brenda Dietrich, the director of mathematical sciences at IBM’s Thomas J. Watson Research Center. Brenda leads a team of researchers who are using math to solve real-world business problems, like moving goods through factories and making computers faster. Yesterday she was named a Fellow, Big Blue’s highest technical honor. She is one of just 10 women have achieved the distinction in the 44 years since the program was started.

As a mom, Brenda tries to share her fascination with math with her children, Peter, 21, Joshua, 19, Monica, 15, and Ingrid, 8. Even though Brenda doesn’t expect any of her kids to become mathematicians, she hopes none of them will ever be intimidated by numbers. Here are some of her tips for the rest of us to bring math into our homes in a way the kids will welcome.

Q: How old were your children when you started to teach them about numbers?

P: Very young, as soon as they could talk, we started counting, sorting, looking for patterns, etc. We probably had more counting books than letter books. Then we’d count by 2’s, by 3’s, and play adding games.

Q: As a parent, how do you make math fun?

P: I’m not sure I make it “fun,” but I do make it visible. I try to link it to everyday things: cooking, shopping, money, planning schedules. We also had math games (Tower of Hanoi was one of my favorites) and math computer games. I try to focus on algorithms — methods for computing — rather than just memorizing facts. For example, if you don’t know 7×8, but you know 7×4, then you can compute 7×8 = 7x (4+4) = 7×4 + 7×4 = 28+28 = 56. If my daughter asks, “What’s 24+35?” I say, “What’s 20+30?” and, “What’s 4+5?” rather than just giving her the answer.

Q: Is there a way to introduce math into everyday experiences without being “teachy”?

P: When the child asks a question which requires “math” to answer, help them learn how to compute the answer. For example, when driving, if asked, “how much longer?” give the speed and the distance to go, and let the child figure it out. When a child wants books from the school book fair, have her figure out the cost by adding up the prices or (better) see how many books she can get for $10. When Ingrid wanted to know how much the puppy weighed, but the puppy wouldn’t sit on a scale, I told her to weigh herself while holding the puppy. Then I asked her how she could use that weight to figure out the weight of the puppy. It’s not just about the computation (“math facts”), it’s about using computation to get information.

Q: What advice do you have for parents who simply can’t help their child with their math homework?

P: I think that parents need to tell their kids that they wish they had learned more math in school and find others (teachers, friends, older children of friends) who like math to help the children. Neither of my parents took “pre-college” math in high-school, and were not able to help their own children with math beyond arithmetic. In fact, when my father was going to college at night, his kids used to help him with his math homework. The fact that he wanted/needed to study math to get a college degree, and wanted us to know math clearly made an impression.

Q: If a child seems to have a talent for music or writing or other artistic pursuit, should a a parent still emphasize math?

P: I’m clearly biased on this, because I strongly believe that mathematical skill is necessary for many interesting professions. Some college degrees cannot be completed in four years without adequate mathematical course work in high school. So taking math, beyond just the graduation requirements, in high school, keeps the student’s career options open. But, as with most things, there are trade-offs to consider. If getting an acceptable grade in a math class is going to require so much effort that the student has to forfeit other activities that he loves, and he’s sure his college major and future career won’t require math, then I would make sure the consequences are understood, but I wouldn’t insist on additional math classes.

Q: As a mathematician and a manager at a major technology corporation, what advice do you have for parents who want their children to be equipped for tomorrow’s jobs?

P: I think curiosity, creativity, adaptability and a love of learning need to be nurtured by parents. The jobs we have today may not exist for our children, but opportunities will always exist for those who can rapidly respond to change.

Thanks very much to Brenda for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! Check back next week for another Q&P. If you know any parents who you think would be great to feature, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.