On a holiday shopping trip at Target in December, I just happened to look up on a high shelf and spot a really, really cute purple glitter Christmas tree that was just 2 feet tall. Purple happens to be Pumpkin’s favorite color — by far. Her room is purple, so that may be what triggered the obsession, but obsession it is.

“What color are mama’s eyes?”
“Purple.”

“What color is the sky?”
“Purple”

Me, singing: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.”
Pumpkin: ”… when skies are purple.”

So, the purple tree was irresistible. I thought it might be a fun novelty for the holidays. But then a wonderful thing happened. A spur-of-the-minute gift turned into a tradition. Every night before bed, we turned on the tree’s lights before reading books. Then we turned off the lamp and sang peaceful Christmas carols to the soft glow of the tree. Over the course of a month, we got used to the ritual. When it came time to put away the holiday decor, we all missed the tree.

So, I started thinking about finding another kind of light, one that would be appropriate the whole year around. Taking my cue from Pumpkin’s other obsession — cats — I found the Siamese cat lamp by Offi (pictured above) at Oompa toys.

It’s in a box waiting for Pumpkin to open tomorrow for Valentine’s Day. I am very excited to see her reaction. My only concern is that she’ll hug the lamp too much! You should have seen how crumpled the tree got!

I know some of you, and maybe even the majority, will think I’m nuts. But here goes anyway: I feel a little bit guilty about teaching Pumpkin about Santa Claus. The thing is, Santa is a myth. But we don’t really represent him as a myth, do we? No, we do the whole story as if he is a real person. I found myself doing it this year. The night before Christmas, we picked out home-baked cookies and put them on a plate with a carrot (for Rudolph), poured a big glass of milk and explained all about the chimney, the flying reindeer, etc. Now, Pumpkin is just 2 and doesn’t have the greatest comprehension yet, but she understood this all pretty well. Well enough, in fact, that when it came time to pick out cookies for Santa, she choose to give him the ones that weren’t her favorites. She believed she was picking them out for a real person that wasn’t her — and wasn’t mama or dada. In the morning, she had a look of pretty gullible amazement on her face when we pointed out the empty milk glass, the missing and munched on cookies and the partially chomped carrot. (On the plus side, she is mixing up Santa with Elmo, who is one of the most important individuals in her life. When I asked her who her presents were from, she said, “Elmo.�)

Here is why I am uncomfortable: I am lying to her when I tell her about Santa. And my policy is honesty all the time. I don’t say we are out of cookies when I don’t want her to have any more — and I don’t let other caregivers do it, either. I just say, “No more.� I don’t make up stories about why we are or are not doing something, I show her respect and tell her the truth — in a way that’s appropriate for a toddler, of course. I just don’t believe in lying. I want to demonstrate in my words and actions that I respect her as an intelligent human being. I hope that will lead to a mutual feeling of trust that will last our whole lives together. I can’t help but wonder if the Santa myth presented as fact is a betrayal of that trust. After all, I am one of her most important sources of information about how the world works. Isn’t it wrong to abuse that power by pretending that Santa is real?

The other day, this issue of honesty came up in relation to a comment my mom made. Pumpkin had received a magnetic doodle pad for Christmas and was playing with it. My mom said something like, “How does this work? It’s magic.� I immediately protested from the next room where I was on the computer. I told my mom that I don’t want Pumpkin to think that everyday objects in her life are controlled by magic. I said to my mom, “We wouldn’t tell her the refrigerator keeps the food cold by magic, why is this any different?�

And in the same way, I feel ambivalent about perpetuating the Santa myth. What do the rest of you moms and dads think? If you have young children, do you feel at all guilty when you talk about Santa? Has anyone decided not to do the Santa deal? And if you have older kids: How did they react when they learned he isn’t real?

The holidays were a success at my place, with tons of food, lots of smiles and two spoiled kids. In fact, the boys each got more presents than I probably got my entire childhood. As I’m sure is the case with most single parent homes, my son had a stack of presents at our place, and another stack waiting at his mom’s house, where he went at the end of the day on Christmas Day so he could open some presents with is stepbrother.

The value to all this, of course, is that both our boys were able to have a happy and fulfilling Christmas despite having non-traditional homes. Our Christmas morning brunch included both my ex and my girlfriend’s ex, with the added treat for her boy that his grandparents were in from out of town and shared the day with us.

And despite all our efforts and all the feelers we put out there, my son continues to tease us and keep us guessing about his understanding — or lack of — the Santa myth. He proclaimed, tongue in cheek, that Christmas is “60 percent excellent presents from Santa, 39 percent lousy gifts from your parents, and 1 percent egg nog.”

So I think he might be playing us, the little wise guy. Who cares in the end.

Anyway, I hope all had a great time over the holidays, regardless of what it is you celebrate. And I hope most of all that the children enjoyed their inclusion in it. I would love to hear some recaps.

As a reporter, I get to meet a lot of interesting people. Often their perspectives can get me thinking about my own views and habits. That happened this month when I talked to local folks about the ways they are making sure their holiday celebrations aren’t an environmental burden on the Earth.

I talked to people who are buying outdoor lights powered by the Sun, people who are making their own wrapping paper, even people who are giving away renewable energy credits as gifts. Here is a link to the main story on making your holiday “Green.” Here is a link to a sidebar full of tips. (My favorite: Save this year’s holiday cards to make tags for next year’s presents.) And here is a link to a story on the lead risks of plastic holiday decor, such as lights, and the popularity of real Christmas trees among the environmentally savvy.

Doing this package made me think a little guiltily about my own environmental footprint during the holidays. I get a lot of catalogs. A LOT. I tend to burn my Christmas tree lights all day long when I’m home. Worst of all: I am a glutton when it comes to giving presents and wrapping them in fancy paper. This photo from last year’s Christmas kind of tells the whole story of my environmentally un-friendly habits:

And yet, if you asked me about other ways I try and do my part, I’d point to my (mostly) diligent recycling, my effort to turn off lights when I’m not in the room, my habit of combining errands in one trip, etc. I think the holidays can make us all go nuts in the consumption department. Last year was Pumpkin’s second Christmas — and the first she really was able to participate in by unwrapping her own gifts, eating cookies, etc. So, I went crazy. So crazy, in fact, that we were still unwrapping after dinner. That’s how long it took to get through the presents!

I was inspired this year to change some of my ways by the stories I heard from local parents. We bought some Philips outdoor lights with light-emitting diodes, or LEDs. They use just a tiny fraction of the electricity of incandescent bulbs. I bought some environmentally friendly gifts. I shopped locally when I could. Next year, with more time to plan, we’ll do more. I love the Pratt family’s wrapping solution. Randy Pratt, who runs the Wilkens Fruit & Fir Farm in Yorktown Heights, told me the family shops after the holiday for discount Christmas fabric and makes their own long-lasting gift bags. What a great idea!

I was also inspired by Laura Barkat of Ossining. Here, at right, is some really cute homemade holiday paper created last year by her girls, who are now 10 and 8. Laura gives the girls just three gifts between the two of them, one shared and one each. Last year, the eldest mended her younger sister’s favorite pajamas as a holiday gift. “She saw that her sister was about to lose her favorite pajamas. They were unwearable. She put patches on the knees and mended them and there they were Christmas morning,” Laura told me. When I asked Laura to sum up her feelings on the topic, she sent me an e-mail. Here is what she wrote:

“First, I wanted to say that being green is sometimes framed as a list of do’s and don’ts. But in our family it’s more about restoring our lives and the life of our community and world. By ‘restoring,’ I mean ‘refilling’ or ‘restocking.’ So, being green is about what we add to our lives that makes them more precious and less full of negative impact. On this note, being green is also about ‘re-storying’ our lives. Picking a different life narrative than the Climb to Success, finding a different identity or character than Consumer. We choose, instead, to weave a narrative of Love, to discover and encourage our ingenuity and intense potential for human creativity. On a practical level, this means we focus on meaningful ritual, tradition, sharing, and memory-making, rather than on ‘stuff’ (the consuming of stuff, the provision of stuff by others, and the pursuit of stuff as a ‘right’ to the exclusion of the health of family, community and environment). This is a year-round goal, to change our focus from buying stuff to ritual, but at Christmas it takes a particular shape.”

Like Laura, I feel it’s important for my holiday habits to reflect our own values. And I’ll admit my habits need a bit of a makeover. But I plan to do it because I want Pumpkin to share in the awe and wonder of the holiday’s true message rather than the message I might inadvertently send by spoiling her with too many presents and not eliminating my own wasteful ways. What do the rest of you parents think? Are you feeling the urge to go “Green” this holiday? What lessons do you try and teach your kids about the environment through your habits — in December and all year long?

Lead contamination seems to be a problem that just doesn’t go away. The 1970s saw lead removed from home paints, its elimination from gasoline, and its banning from paint used on children’s toys.

 But the series of recalled toys and other products in recent months shows that lead remains a issue for just about everyone with children, who are most susceptible to this toxic metal.

Until recently, the biggest worry with lead was for those young children living in older homes who might be exposed to old, chipping paint containing lead. As usual, those most affected are the children of the poor living in substandard housing.

Learning and behavioral problems are the biggest concerns connected to lead exposure in kids followed by possible damage to brains, kidneys, and other organs.

 Even though our children are exposed to lower levels of lead than in the 1960s, what’s considered safe levels of lead also is dropping.  The safey standard is one-sixth what it was in the 1960s, and a further strengthening of the standard is considered.

 There are some things you can do to reduce your children’s lead exposure and that of all children. Here are a few websites that can help you get a better grip on the problem:

*Get a good overview on lead from the New York State Health Department.

*This webpage from Consumer Reports looks at the latest lead scare and includes an asessment of home testing kits for lead.

*Track down recalled toys from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

My girlfriend’s 3-year-old burst into tears this morning as I was about to take him to pre-K. When I asked him why he was crying, he said because he wanted Santa Claus to bring him presents. He knows Santa will show up while we’re all sleeping and deliver a bundle of toys for him to pay with. It’s just that, at his age, the notion that Christmas is still several weeks away is hazy, and he thought it would happen this morning and the next. I assured him Santa would come. But it reminded me of how beautiful that is for a child, and it struck me how he and my own son, who turns 10 on Saturday, are at such varying ends of the Santa myth.

I think it’s pretty obvious the cat is out of the hat for my son by now. He seems to be at the point where he knows the scoop on Santa, but figures he’d better not ‘fess up or there’ll be no presents. It’s sad to me, because nothing can ever replace the look on a child’s face on Christmas morning when the presents are “magically” there under the tree.

So I need to have the Santa Claus conversation with my son this weekend. First of all, I want to make sure he doesn’t ruin it for the younger boy. But I also want to bring my son up to speed on the whole Santa myth and its origins. Santa Claus is based on Saint Nicholas of Myra, a benevolent 4th Century man of the cloth who shared his inheritance with the needy through anonymous gifts. Legend has it that after he died locals would put out food for the saint and straw for his donkey, which St. Nick would turn into toys and treats. That’s kinda cool in its own right, and a pretty good tradition.

Corny as it sounds, I like to think that there is still some magic involved, and there’s an inherent beauty in Christmas that, to me, overshadows the ridiculous marketing blitz that has become part of the holiday season. I remain fond of the legendary 1897 column by New York Sun writer Francis Pharcellus Church, famously titled, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,”:http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia and expect that the discussion with my son will start with a reading of it. We will talk about the “Dear Santa” letter we’ll be picking up from the post office, and discuss some charity work to aid the less fortunate.

So, the Santa myth will continue for my son, even if the secret is out. Then we can all sit back and marvel at the look of wonderment on the 3-year-old’s face, and the magic he believes in — for now. Let’s hope it lasts.

Thank God for CVS pharmacy and its themed displays, or I might never know what holiday was up next. And since the Christmas decorations are already up, I gather we’re skipping Thanksgiving this year. In fact, there were a few Christmas trees on display at a few local department stores before Halloween even rolled around this year.

Well, not to skip over Thanksgiving, but I’ve had my first discussion with my ex over splitting the Christmas presents for my son, so it must be time to start thinking ahead. This is complicated by the fact that his birthday is at the end of this month. He does love books, so there’ll be a dose of those. And he’s rediscovered Hot Wheels cars recently, so there’ll be some of that.

But I’m hearing from some fellow parents that it might be a good time to consider a few alternatives, particularly since a few that I’ve spoken to are seriously concerned about buying toys this year given the seemingly never-ending list of recalls. Obviously, you can select safe toys if you pay attention to recall lists, which many toy stores have available.

Still, I’ve heard some alternative suggestions. Homemade toys are a good idea, and, for older kids, donating to charity in their name is a worthy gift. Or consider tickets to an upcoming holiday event, such as “Willy Wonka”:http://tickets.tarrytownmusichall.org/eventperformances.asp?evt=725 at the Tarrytown Music Hall. Or “a candlelight tour”:http://www.hudsonvalley.org/component/option,com_jcalpro/Itemid,182/extmode,view/extid,71/date,2007-12-31 at historic Philipsburgh Manor in Sleepy Hollow. The New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx “has several events,”:http://www.nybg.org/families_and_fun/family_events.php including the Gingerbread Adventures and the Holiday Train Show.

If all works out, I’m hoping to include tickets for one of the above in the kids’ stockings this year, although the ability to plan ahead has never been one of my strongest assets. I’d also like to check out the Westchester Toy & Train Christmas Show at the Westchester County Center, which has “a lengthy list of upcoming events.”:http://www.westchestergov.com/calendar/ccorgcalquery.asp Of course, that’s on Dec. 9, well before the holidays. So I’m thinking it might be a good place to get gift ideas. Besides, I think the cat’s out of the bag on the Santa thing by now. Then again, that’s a blog for another day.

As if the toy recall news in recent months wasn’t bad enough. This came over the newswire late yesterday and was published in today’s editions of The Journal News. Talk about frightening.

Toy Linked to ‘Date-Rape’ Drug Joins List of Recalls

By Oliver Staley and Ryan Flinn – Nov. 8 (Bloomberg News) — A Chinese-made toy containing a chemical linked to the so-called date-rape drug was recalled yesterday after two children fell ill. It is the latest in a series of warnings that has led to more than 21 million toys getting pulled from store shelves before the U.S. holiday shopping season.
Aqua Dots, which features small beads that bond with water, are made with a chemical the body converts to gamma-hydroxy butyrate, commonly known as the date-rape drug. Two children in the U.S. who swallowed the beads became comatose, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said in a statement.
The recall of the Aqua Dots, distributed by Toronto-based Spin Master Ltd., follows the withdrawal of millions of toys, vitamins and consumer products made in China over concerns about high-levels of lead and other chemicals. Consumer fears about harmful toys may affect holiday spending, with 35 percent of shoppers believing that products made outside the U.S. are not safe, according to a Nov. 1 study by Deloitte & Touche LLP.
Also today, Marvel Entertainment Inc. said it was voluntarily recalling 110,000 Curious George dolls after tests revealed lead levels that exceeded federal limits. On Nov. 6, Mattel Inc. asked consumers to stop using 196,000 kitchen toys made in Mexico because small pieces may pose a choking hazard to children.
Recalls for Lead
Mattel, the world’s largest toymaker, has issued several recalls this year, primarily because the products contained excessive lead paint or had loose magnets that might detach and be swallowed.
Spin Master said in a statement last night that more than 60 percent of the 4.2 million Aqua Dots units covered by the recall hadn’t reached consumers.
Aqua Dots contain 1,4-butanediol, an industrial solvent that the body converts to gamma-hydroxy butyrate, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s Web site.
The toys were produced by Melbourne-based Moose Enterprise Pty., Spin Master said.
The product, which is labeled Bindeez outside the U.S., sickened two Australian children as well, Melbourne’s Herald Sun newspaper reported Nov. 6.

It starts before our kids are born when we limit our tuna fish sandwiches to one a week and doesn’t end until … ever, I think. Keeping our children safe is job No. 1 for mom and dad. Yes, we’re supposed to teach them to read, sing, love animals and all the rest, but the most important gift we give our children is a healthy and safe childhood. In today’s world, where there seem to be weekly blasts on the news about lead in imported toys, parents can feel powerless to prevent risks to their kids — and that’s even before they get a driver’s license!

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Irvington resident Jamie Schaefer-Wilson. Jamie is a child safety expert, author and consultant at Consumer Reports magazine in Yonkers. She has a long history of advocating in a wide variety of ways to keep kids safe. She co-wrote “The Baby Rules: The Insider’s Guide to Raising Your Parents,” a safety manual for parents with a humorous touch. She serves on several juvenile products committees for the American Society of Testing and Materials (ASTM International), where she advocates for safer juvenile product standards. She works with the nonprofit Kids and Cars, which is pushing for a rear visibility performance standard to prevent backovers. She has contributed to a safety column on iVillage.com and is the author of “Safety 1st’s Essential Home & Travel Childproofing Guide.” She’s also written the upcoming “The Consumer Reports Guide to Childproofing & Safety: Tips to Protect your Baby and Child from Injury at Home and on the Go,” scheduled for publication in May. In between being a safety guru, Jamie is also busy as the mother of Cydney and Samantha.

Q: Let’s start with the question on everyone’s mind these days: Can I safely buy my child a toy that’s made in China?

P: It isn’t necessarily a China problem, it is a manufacturer problem. We need better quality control, tougher import inspections and more attention to potential design flaws. Some of these problems are predictable, therefore they are preventable. There have been so many problems brought to the forefront lately from lead paint to small parts detaching and magnets falling out of toys. While we should be able to trust the toys in the marketplace, I think we all need to be tougher consumers and decide if we want to stay away from painted toys, jewelry and magnets.

Q: When the first Mattel recall was announced on Aug. 1, you feared that your child had a defective Elmo toy. Can you describe what that experience was like?

P: It was scary. It was a toy my daughter was playing with every day. It has a microphone that naturally she was always putting in her mouth and we didn’t know which portion of the toy contained the lead-based paint. I recognized the photo of the toy instantly and this particular toy was shown on several news reports. I checked the model number and was relieved that mine was purchased before the batch that had lead-based paint.

Q: Is all this focus on toys from China potentially distracting our attention from more dangerous, or even deadly, hazards?

P: No. I think people are looking more stringently at many more products now. We need to continue down this path and do a lot more questioning about all products — no matter where they are made.

Q: What are some of the hidden hazards we all have around our homes that we don’t think about?

P: We sometimes tend to overlook everyday items and things we do everyday. Take the kitchen. It is the room we are in most frequently. There are several dangers from the hot oven, water boiling on the stove or even the dishwasher. The dishwasher seems benign once the knives and forks are removed, but it is filled with spikes and if a child falls they will fall face first. Also, tipping hazards: Children tend to open several drawers at one time, sometimes causing furniture to tip onto them. It is very simple to install a tip resistant strap to furniture, and this should be installed to TV stands as well as book cases, armoires and dressers. Another danger is water hazards. Drownings are a leading cause of death every year. When your child is in the bath you need to keep him or her within arm’s reach at all times. It only takes a second for something to go wrong. The same is true of a swimming pool. Many children often slip outside unnoticed and you may not hear them fall into the pool.

Q: What are some safety tips you can share based on your own family?

P: Gates and safety locks: Those are two very important items that you should purchase and use. My 2-year-old wants to follow me everywhere and open every drawer. I feel I need eyes in the back of my head. My first daughter wasn’t as daring, but my second daughter wants to experiment with everything. I find it easier to remove and safeguard the hazards rather than take a chance. You can remove gates and locks when they are older, but the scar from an injury will be permanent.

Q: Can you tell me about any close calls you might have had?

P: When my 6-year-old was younger, we were at a restaurant and they had given us a folding high chair. The waiter opened it and we put our daughter inside, but it started to collapse the moment we placed her in the high chair. My daughter was screaming. I tried grabbing her, but she was stuck. My husband and I were pulling her and the waiter was trying to open the chair. It was very scary. Needless to say, I always check that high chairs are fully opened and locked and I now know never to take for granted that someone else may have done taken these measures.

Q: New moms often buy books on babyproofing, but what about parents of older kids? What safety worries are out there when your child reaches grade school, middle school and beyond?

P: Safety issues just change and expand as your child gets older. Child passenger safety is always at the forefront. Keeping your child in the right child-restraint seat until he or she is the right height, weight and age is one of the most important things you can do for your child. As they get older you need to focus on bicycle safety/helmet safety and stranger danger as well.

Q: What can you do if a fellow parent doesn’t take safety as seriously as you do? What if, for example, a mom doesn’t think about buckling a child into a safety seat because it’s “only a few blocks” or is casual about other risks?

P: I have had parents tell me just that: “Oh, it’s only a few blocks.â€? Most vehicle crashes happen within a few blocks of our homes since it is where we spend the most time. Some parents don’t like to hear the possibilities of what could happen and others ask a lot of questions. Questions are a great — they can save a life. If another mother offers to pick up my daughter, I always ask what type of car seat she has, and many times I end up installing my seat in her vehicle. I am happy to take the few minutes and do it.

Q: It seems to me the best way to keep a child safe might be to instill a sense of caution in the child. What advice do you have for doing that without turning your kid into a nervous nelly?

P: Caution is good, but you’re right, you don’t want to overdo it. So much of this is in your hands. Your child doesn’t need to know everything about the car seat they are in — just that they need to be in it. I often hear that a child can’t wait to get to a booster seat or get out of one. Most children wouldn’t even know that there is a day that they won’t need the booster seat — we instill this in them. You handle the safety and let them be a kid. You’ll feel more at ease about it. Every mom only wants what is best for her children.

Thank you very much to Jamie for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

With yet another toy recall in the news, I began wondering: What exactly will I be buying for holiday gifts for my nephews, who live in North Carolina?

Sure, I can be the “un-fun” auntie and get them clothes, but they’re 9 and 6! And Old Navy box probably won’t get the joint jumping. But with all the recalls, I don’t know what’s safe and what’s not, particularly when I’m buying online. I suppose I can consult some Web sites to find out which toys manufacturers are likely to use safe paints and parts, but I would bet that severely limit my choices.

My own kids, who are 13 and 9, are stuck on video games, clothes and a board game here and there, so I’m not as concerned. Plus, when I buy for them, I can look at the item, touch it, smell it and feel it, so I feel like I might make a better—and hopefully—safer choice. But when I’m buying online, I’m buying somewhat blindly.

What are you planning to buy for the children in your life? And have the many toy recalls affected your choices?

My daughter has lived to the age of 2 without seeing a single television commercial. I know these innocent days are numbered. Her only TV viewing now consists of “Sesame Street” episodes we record on our TiVo, and that usually involves fast-forwarding to the Elmo’s World segment. But once she starts watching other cartoons, she will inevitably be exposed to TV advertising. As parents, we automatically assume this is a bad thing — even though we might enjoy certain ads ourselves (enough to turn them into full-fledged TV shows, at least in the case of the Geico Cavemen). The American Psychological Association reports that the average child is exposed to 40,000 TV commercials a year. Marketers spend $12 billion a year on ads directed at children. To get a behind-the-scenes look at the thinking that goes into this spending, I invited an ad man turned professor to share his insights.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Paul Kurnit, professor of marketing at Pace University. Paul also has his own business, Kurnit Communications and KidShop. A Cortlandt Manor resident, Paul has had experience on the other side of the TV screen as the father of two adult children, Ara and Jesse.

Q: You’ve helped companies like Disney, the Gap, General Mills, Hasbro, McDonald’s, Nickelodeon, Scholastic, Sony, Polaroid, Universal Studios and Pepsi market their products to children. What’s the biggest difference between reaching children and older consumers?

P: Children are consumed by and consumers of fun, wonder, fantasy, play and what if? With kids anything is possible. They are pre-socialized, direct, honest and critical in the most innocently perceptive ways. So, reaching them is both challenging and a blast. If so much of what we sell them is about enhancing their lives through discovery and fulfillment, the burden on the communication needs to be clear, differentiated, engaging and truthful. The promise of the experience had better be met by the experience itself. Because the kid buzz network can be brutal on any Monday morning in school when kids will trash an over-promised movie, toy, food or any other weekend purchase that has let them down.

Q: What are some of the techniques you helped companies use to advertise to kids? How has this business become increasingly sophisticated? Any war stories?

P: In the ’80s my advertising agency, Griffin Bacal, was a real pioneer in the kids advertising world. Here are several conventions in advertising we invented at that time:
• Animation for food advertising was commonly employed, but for toy advertising, it was not permitted by the networks. We changed that.
• As an innovative response to the huge success of “Star Wars� as a toy line with the movies as the inspiration for the play scenarios, we worked with Marvel Comics to develop a storyline platform first for GI Joe and then Transformers to provide a vehicle for kids to access the brand play patterns beyond the TV commercials we ran. We also produced TV programming for both — and for My Little Pony and other properties that became very successful in their own rite.
• We completely changed the face of board game advertising for kids by capturing the core fantasy idea of each game and executing it on film intercut with the actual game play. Until that time, virtually all board game commercials looked alike — four kids sitting around a board smiling and having fun, while a voiceover announcer explained the rules. Our work revitalized the Milton Bradley business that had been acquired by Hasbro.

Q: You also been an executive vice president at Sunbow Entertainment, which brought us TV shows based on toys like the Transformers, GI Joe and My Little Pony. When parents see programs that are tied so closely to toys, we sometimes worry the shows are little more than prolonged advertisements. What was it like inside that environment? Are we right to worry?

P: Don’t worry. Much was made of the “program-length advertising� issue. The Federal Trade Commission mandated that commercials for like properties could not run in or adjacent to programming of the same name or property. But, the real story here, both then and now, is if the program doesn’t have merit and hold kids’ interest as a unique entertainment form, the programming will die a quick death. A case in point was a doll property, Jem. We invented a great story about her, a music executive by day, a rock star by night. She had a band. There was a nemesis band. The doll property never made it past year one, but the programming had a successful run, two years after the dolls were pulled from toy store shelves.

Q: When parents hear the words “advertising” and “children” in the same sentence, we tend to get nervous. As someone who is both a parent and a marketing expert who has made a career out of selling stuff to kids, what’s your take?

P: Advertising is the engine of commerce and of democracy. Advertising plays a huge role in informing kids of what’s out there and inspiring interest in wanting goods and services. This is a rite of passage. It is access to the commercial world we live in. For those who express disdain and worse about advertising to kids, the train has left the station. We are no longer an agrarian or industrial 19th century nation where kids worked in fields and factories. Today’s kids are integrated into the fabric of society. Marketing and advertising is an essential part of that fabric.

Q: You also are involved with the Children’s Advertising Review Unit of the Better Business Bureau. What’s your reason for getting involved? And what are some of the problems you’ve seen in advertisements to kids?

P: I’ve been involved with CARU for over 25 years. I leapt at the opportunity to be part of this organization in the early days of my tenure at Griffin Bacal. I firmly believe that commercial communication to kids has got to be responsive and responsible. We need to be diligent and vigilant about the goods and services we “sell� to kids of varying ages. We need to be certain that our communication is truthful and accessible. And, we need to be constantly in step with new commercial techniques and media to ensure responsible communication to kids.

Q: What makes advertising to kids so powerful, in your view? Is it the child’s willingness to accept the message?

P: Advertising to kids has become much less powerful over time. Kids see so much of it that they are becoming both more immune to and critical of sales pitches. Research shows that about half of all kids today have a healthy distrust of advertising.

Q: What about the role children are playing in making household spending decisions? It seems kids are now only watching the ads, but using those inputs to influence their parents. How is this affecting advertising messages to children?

P: Kids play a large and growing role in household purchase decisions. We have seen a still relatively small but significant growth in kids’ influence regarding restaurant choices, vacations, technology products, cars and evening family home-buying decisions. It’s because today’s family is more closely knit than at any time in history. The post-war adage of “kids should be seen and not heard� is long over. Kids are active and activist members of the family — third parents in decision making.

Q: As a behind-the-scenes expert in this arena, how has this changed the habits in your own family over the years? Have you ever felt compelled to warn your kids about what they see on TV?

P: My kids grew up through all of the foregoing shift in the kid marketing world. My wife and I never restricted our kids in their TV viewing or toy playing. We always had an active dialog with them and provided a diverse panoply of activities — sports, friends, clubs, music, travel, dining out — to inspire balance in their evolving senses of self and relationship to the world.

Q: What advice do you have for parents who worry about their kids watching advertisements? What kind of conversations do you think are helpful to guide children to be discriminating viewers?

P: Worried parents create worried kids. Parents should be involved with their kids, talking to them, playing with them, guiding them, protecting them. If something on television is inappropriate for kids, parents can make that call, reasonably, realistically, rationally. Kids will “get it� and appreciate it. Parenting today needs to get back to some of the fundamentals. Kids need rules and limits — a good healthy “no� when appropriate — to grow up balanced, content and appreciative of what they have and who they are.

Thank you very much to Paul for sharing his knowledge by doing a Q&P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

I’m sure we’ve all heard by now that 1 million Chinese-manufactured cribs have been recalled, adding to the already lengthy list of children’s products manufactured in China that have been called back for posing potential hazards to our kids. You all probably have a sense of what that growing list looks like, with Barbie accessories and a host of other products with defects that include high lead content and magnets that can come apart and be swallowed. Obviously, it’s important as parents to keep tabs on that list. (Scroll down to The Journal News toy recall database).

But, as one of our loyal readers pointed out in an earlier reply, there are more recalls than just the Chinese-made products. You may or may not be surprised to know that consumer products are recalled pretty regularly, a good number of them children’s products.

“The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission”:http://www.cpsc.gov/index.html does a remarkable job of updating its list of recalled products. While the controversy over Chinese-made goods has dominated the list of late — and rightfully so — it’s important for parents to stay on top of all the recalls, which also include everything from bunk beds from Denmark that can collapse, to children’s science kits from South Africa that can present a burn hazard.

The commission’s recall announcements often include helpful photographs and diagrams, and are arranged under various categories, “including toys”:http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/category/toy.html as well as “other children’s products”:http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/category/child.html. In addition, there are separate listings for “sports and recreation equipment”:http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/category/sports.html.

You can also “search all products”:http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prerel.html by date or category.

Of course, it’s important to stay on top of the most recent wave of recalls of Chinese-manufactured toys as well. Unfortunately, that list seems to continue to grow. To conduct your own search for those products, check out the complete database we put together for you here at The Journal News:

A friend who hasn’t stopped by my house since before Pumpkin was born came over recently. Her first words? “I don’t remember your house being this messy.” It’s true: You can divide our home into two stages: pre- and post-baby. Before Pumpkin was born, there wasn’t a bright pink high chair in the kitchen, bibs weren’t hanging on a cupboard knob and a rack of sippies and bottles weren’t drying on the counter. Before Pumpkin, the living room was an adult haven for reading and relaxing by the fire. Now, it’s a playroom, with enough colorful toys and stacks of board books to satisfy a small preschool class. These changes delight our family — but what if I were trying to sell my house? Would a potential buyer be able to see through the clutter to catch the charm of my home? Or would the litter of toys — and, sigh, stray Cheerios — put the kibosh any any deal? It’s a question that faces all parents when they sell their homes, even if the mess has morphed from Elmo dolls to a teenager’s video games, CDs and discarded clothing. I decided to ask someone experienced as both a parent and a real estate agent for her perspective.

Today’s Questions & Parents feature, or Q&P for short, is with Scarsdale resident Claire Civetta, a real estate agent with Coldwell Banker and a mom of three children: Alexander, 20; Nicholas, 17; and Christie, 15. Claire knows what it’s like to buy and sell a home when children are in the picture. She offers some hope for parents who can’t purge all their children’s belongings — it turns out that buyers actually like a home with a lived-in look — as long as that doesn’t mean peanut butter-and-jelly smears on the bannister. As a mom who had had to transplant her kids more than once, Claire also offers tips for keeping the emotional upheaval to a minimum — and getting kids excited about a move.

Q: How does your advice for clients about buying and selling a house differ when you are dealing with parents of children living at home?

P: First and foremost, as a professional real estate broker, I carefully listen to my client’s concerns and needs, whether it involves children, pets or elderly parents. As a buyer’s agent, full disclosure regarding the property is appropriate and expected. I will share anything about the property and the location that I think would enhance their family lives. As a selling agent, I educate my seller as to how buyers will view their home. It can be a delicate conversation, especially if there are serious issues that effect the saleability of the home, like a child’s favorite musky smelling ferret, a propensity for toy clutter or a shabby yard. Buyers respond to the house and the environment, therefore it is important to educate the sellers on how a single issue — as simple as making sure the banisters are not sticky — can place the home in a unfavorable light. Years ago, I fell in love with a home because it was filled with books and children. There was not one television in the place, and the mother was sitting on the front porch reading to her children. I wanted that house before I walked in the door.

Q: When a parent is shopping for a new home, what is the best way to involve a child? How does it differ by age?

P: This is truly a personal call. I think getting a child involved “after” the house decision has been made — and if possible after the contracts are signed — is a healthy approach. There is always an immediate emotional response, either positive or negative. If there is a change of school involved, kids are absorbed with so much personal change that the fun stuff, like picking their bedroom or the colors for their room or having their friends participate, gives them control over their new environment. When my daughter was 10, we moved and not only did she pick the color for her new room but together we stenciled butterflies and ladybugs in her bathroom. In another move, I allowed my teenage daughter and her friend to paint her oversized closet. They had a blast putting their purple hand prints all over the walls.

Q: What happens when children accompany their parents to open houses and showings?

P: There is not one agent who does not have a “Saturday from hell” story when unruly kids are brought along for the ride. It is exhausting trying to educate a buyer, highlight a home, sell a location and navigate a child’s demand for attention. Serious buyers need to make good use of their time and remain focused. I help them by involving the kids, like allowing them to be the leader orgiving them one of my cards to hold. If the parents are reluctant to set clear rules as to what is appropriate in someone’s home, I gently set them. If that doesn’t work, I do the “distraction dance.” I have been fortunate that my “Saturday from hell” only involved a child throwing up in my car and not throwing a tantrum.

Q: What do you tell parents about protecting kids from the emotional ups and downs of the real-estate market, which can include getting your heart set on a house only to lose it to another buyer?

P: I believe that any house can be a home. Moving is one of the top three stress inducing changes, along with divorce and death. Exposing children to the adult fears and concerns about if and when a house will sell, or whether a family can afford the next house, is a personal decision. The buyer should know their child’s emotional texture and decide how much detail is appropriate. In my experience, all children — be they grade schoolers or teenagers — do not like the idea of moving, so why add more stress to the mix? Things like scheduling the showing when the kids are in school and having telephone discussions with your real estate agent without your children present can keep the process removed from their day-to-day lives. Once the contracts are signed, sealed and delivered, then the fun can begin.

Q: What about when you are trying to sell your house and your living room is full of Legos or your teenager’s room is a disaster area? How do you get your house in shape for buyers and still allow your kids to be kids?

P: Buyers respond to life. That is why you will hear many brokers say that it is more difficult to sell an empty house then a full one. If there is a teenager involved, it is difficult. But the saleability of the house is crucial. Sometimes the parent has to be more proactive and do the organizing and straightening. The showings can be arranged for after the cleaning day or while the kids are in school.

Q: What were your strategies with your children when you have had to move to a new home?

P: My children and I have moved several times, most recently in May. At their current ages — 20, 17 and 15 — they were more involved and interested in participating. Clear requests, like taking down existing wall paper and making sure we had wireless connections throughout the house, were easy for me to accommodate. At any age, the need for ownership and comfort is necessary.

Q: What advice do you give parents that you wish they all would follow?

P: Temper your excitement about a new house until contracts are signed. Understand how this move will change your child’s world. Allow them some age-appropriate control over their new environment. Be positive no matter what the reasons are for moving. And remember, any house can be a home!

Thank you very much to Claire for sharing her knowledge by doing a Q& P! If you would like to be featured, or you know any parents who have expertise to share, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

And, in case you missed them, here are links to earlier Q&P features. There are interviews with more than a dozen moms and dads, including a dog trainer dad, financial planner mom, writer mom, mathematician mom, baker mom, drug counselor mom and pediatric dentist mom.

After all the recalls from China this year for unsafe levels of lead, some parents are questioning whether they should trust any toys from China. Some are taking steps to avoid them altogether. Mom Dana Deasy of Eastchester told she was motivated to find a solution for her family after she found a recalled Go, Diego, Go toy in her children’s toy collection. “You feel that your playroom is a ticking time bomb,” she told me. Her son, Jason, recently celebrated his first birthday without any toys — friends and relations were asked to bring clothes instead. I wrote about Dana and other parents and grandparents from the Lower Hudson Valley in this story, which appeared in Sunday’s paper. (This picture of Dana with Jason and her other son, Ryan, was taken by my colleague Mark Vergari.) You can see a video with Dana talking about her choice by clicking here. If you’re interested in more on this topic, a good page to bookmark is Consumer Reports safety blog.

As if the Chinese-made toy recall controversy wasn’t enough of a concern already, the list continues to grow.

The latest news on the lead-tainted toys is that Mattel Inc. late yesterday announced its third major recall, this time calling back 800,000 toys. That includes 675,000 accessories for one of it’s top selling products, the Barbie doll, according to the Associated Press. Also on the list are several toys from Mattel’s Fisher-Price division, which was forced to recall 1.5 million early childhood toys at the beginning of last month.

But we’re on top of it. Check out the updated LoHud.com toy recall list below, and please purge your child’s toys: