Okay, this is way premature: My son is just 10.

But I’ve always accepted that my time with him is limited. We buddy around now and go on treks together, share movies and even joust in X-Box contests now and again. But what happens when he hits the teen years? That’s when dad has to drop him off around the corner so his friends won’t see him with me. It’s inevitable, isn’t it?

This came to mind this week when a colleague of mine told me the latest news about his 15-year-old. Both our sons take guitar lessons and fool around with the six-strings, so we’re always checking in on their progress. This week he tells me his boy has turned in his guitar for text-messaging. In other words, he has a girlfriend.

Now, my girlfriend’s 3-year-old has a girlfriend too. Of course, in pre-K it’s a slightly different dynamic. My son is in fifth grade, and had his first kiss in kindergarten. He has had a girl or two chasing him over the years. He’s still at that age where he blushes at the mere mention of that first kiss, but two girls in particular always come up year after year.

Anyway, the girlfriend isn’t even the ultimate point. It’s more a matter of losing some part of that father-son bond when my boy hits the teens. I know of cases where it hasn’t worked that way, but a lot more where it has. For instance, I have one cousin who remained close with her boys during those years, largely by staying current on the latest video games and playing with them frequently. Another cousin left home early in his teen years due to his inability to relate in any way to his parents.

Will my son be one or the other extreme? Or somewhere in the middle? I bring this up to him now and again, and he tells me that’ll never happen. He’ll always be my buddy. God bless his little heart for saying so.

But, as much as it as a rite of passage of sorts, I do dread it. I mean, isn’t it just a matter of time?

It’s summertime and the living is allegedly easy, right? Then why am I so stressed?

Because while my sons are taking it easy, I’m becoming unglued about keeping any semblance of a schedule together. My boys, ages 8 and 13, are in day camp this summer. My older son takes a school bus there and back and my husband or I drive our younger son to camp. I alternate afternoon pickups with another mom/friend. That part works pretty well.

Where it all seems to fall apart is at home. In the mornings, the boys get up—with much prodding from us—only after listening to the alarm clock blare incessantly. And then they plod slowly about the house, taking forever to wash up, dress and eat breakfast. The morning usually involves them getting their lunch or snack together too, since they’re not so diligent about preparing everything the night before.

So what happens? I end up fussing about them being late, which results in my rushing to get ready in less time and feeling stressed about it all. And today, my older son, in his haste to make the bus, left his keys at home. And guess who had to make a dash home this afternoon to let him in (and then return to work)? Moi.

My husband and I admit some fault in this. Because it’s summer, we’ve relaxed the rules somewhat: They can stay up later and we’ve been letting them play video games and watch TV during the week. They’ve been doing some reading for school and my younger son has been working in the summer workbook we got for him. My younger son is an avid reader, so he’s already finished about four books and his written two of the three book reports that will be due the first day of school. My older son isn’t as voracious a reader, so he’s moving a little more slowly, usually picking up a book in the few minutes before he falls off to sleep. But that’s about it for brain exercise.

I hate to swing the parental hammer on them, but I feel like I’ve got to restore some sense of order at home. How do you let your kids relax—but not too much—during the summer?

I took my sons to Shea to watch the Mets play the Marlins on Tuesday night. We sat in the upper deck behind home, overlooking the gorgeous green field and beyond the outfield wall, the construction site for Citi Field, their future stadium.

It’s an amazing scene: a circular lattice of steel rising from the parking lot and above that, six concrete towers with strange window-like openings. They looked like abandoned apartment buildings from an apocalyptic nightmare. I took photos with my cell phone and would have posted one right here – X – had I remembered to save them.

My older son and I recalled his first baseball game: a school trip to see the Mets that I also attended. At one point in that game many years ago, D joined with the crowd chanting “Let’s go Mets.â€? I smiled but immediately asked myself if I hadn’t made a big mistake. A Yankees fan from the womb, I wondered if D right then and there would be imprinted forever as a Mets fan. D, who is 17 now, laughed at that story. Both my sons are fans of the Yankees.

Later, I raised the possibility with my younger son that he might one day take a son to a game at Citi Field. Then he could tell the tale of how he and his father sat in the old ballpark and saw Citi Field being built. My son, N, who is 12, thought that was cool, and so did I.

I remember my father taking me to my first game when I was 7. Art Ditmar pitched the Yankees to a 4-0 win over the Kansas City Athletics in the Bronx that summer night. I’ll have to ask my father if he remembers it, too.

We have so many smart and talented parents here in the Lower Hudson Valley whom it has been my privilege to meet, either through this blog or in my job as a reporter. So, today I am introducing a new feature on Parents’ Place: A question-and-answer session with an interesting local mom or dad. I decided to call the feature Questions & Parents, or Q&P for short.

Our first Q&P is with Dr. Leyla Z. Nakisbendi, a pediatric dentist who practices at Mayers & Nakisbendi Dental Associates on Mamaroneck Avenue in White Plains. She’s also been a wonderful participant in the Parents’ Place blog. She lives in Pleasantville with her husband, Michael Mayers, also a dentist, and her three children, 9-year-old Aliya, 6-year-old Aydin and 3-year-old Maia.

Q: At what age should children have their first dental visit?

P: I like children to have their first dental visit as soon as they start getting their first eight teeth (four on top and four on bottom). We don’t expect the baby to sit in the dental chair, but we like to check for hygiene, dietary habits, well-formed enamel and any developmental anomalies. This screening theoretically is done by pediatricians, but we like children to have a dental home by 1 year old. The exam is usually done on a parent’s lap and usually doesn’t involve a cleaning unless the child has staining from antibiotics or tartar that needs to be removed.

Q: How should you choose a dentist for your child? What questions should you ask? Should you visit the office first alone?

P: Being a pediatric dentist, of course I think children should see a pediatric dentist who has received two to three years of extra training in treating children, either at a children’s hospital or dental school. That said, there are a lot of general dentists who are very adept at treating children. A pediatric dentist should be chosen based on location, comfort level with the practice and referrals from pediatricians and friends. Ask around. I see all new patients. This does not always happen in all dental offices. I like to meet the families and get a sense of their needs and I feel I can only do this by seeing patients myself first. Right now, my husband and I do everything ourselves so our patients always see us. I think if you trust the people referring you, you don’t have to visit an office alone first, but that is always an option. It all depends on your schedule. I do not recommend choosing practices based on insurance. While it may save money, being part of a dental plan doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right practice for you. This is not an area I skimp on.

Q: How often do children need to brush their teeth? Is it the same as adults or more/less often?

P: Children should be brushed two times a day, as should adults. After breakfast and before bed. If children swallow toothpaste, they should get a training toothpaste with no fluoride. If they are good at spitting, they can use real toothpaste. Flossing is required if the teeth are touching. If you can see spaces, you don’t need to floss.

Q: At what age is a child old enough to brush his or her own teeth? Use adult toothpaste?

P: Age 7 or 8 is when children should be able to brush their teeth alone, but this all depends on your child’s manual dexterity and attention span. I’ve seen 2- and 3-year-olds who really can do a good job brushing their teeth!

Q: What age do you start seeing cavities?

P: I’ve seen cavities in children who have only two to four teeth! Children who nurse on demand all day or night or have a bottle with milk or juice at night are at very high risk for decay. Children whose parents or primary caregivers are still actively getting new cavities are also at increased risk for cavities.

Q: Is there any special advice you have for teenagers?

P: Teenagers are tough! It’s hard to get them to shower let alone brush their teeth. Access to junk is much easier. I think kids who were raised with good oral health habits and dietary habits, for the most part, continue that way with minor detours. Soda is brutal — diet or sugared. They are very acidic and actually can etch teeth. Sports drinks for athletes are also a very high-sugar drink and the frequent sipping while rehydrating is high-risk for cavities.

Q: Are teeth-whiteners safe for teens?

P: Unless a child has severe cosmetic issues, we try to discourage bleaching until kids are in their late teens. Even then it can cause sensitivity because the teeth are very young. As we age the sensitivity decreases, usually. I’ll do isolated in-office bleaching for severe issues.

Q: What is the biggest mistake parents make with regard to their child’s dental health?

P: I think the biggest mistake people make with regard to taking care of their children’s teeth is assuming that because their child will not behave well at the dentist, that they aren’t going to go. We change our children’s dirty diapers with them screaming, we let the pediatrician check ears while screaming and we clip finger nails, etc. Parents need to let the pediatric dentist do their job even if the child cries. If the parents follow the pediatric dentist’s advice as to follow-up care almost every crier at the first visit turns into a great patient eventually. That is the goal of my pediatric dental practice — raising children so that they grow up to be great dental patients. It is not a perfect science and sometimes takes some trial and error but eventually all the kids gets there.

Q: What advice would you like to give parents reading this blog?

P: Teach your children that taking care of their teeth is not optional! Teeth get brushed and flossed every night and morning no matter what. Also, do not show your children that you have any dental phobias. They don’t understand and it just makes it harder for your pediatric dentist to work. Don’t use the word drill, needle, etc. Let your pediatric dentist do his/her job. I’m including a link to the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry Web site, which is a great source of information.

Thanks very much to Leyla for being the first to do a Q&P! If you know any parents who you think would be great to feature, please comment here on the blog or send me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com.

Also: I’d love to know if you like this feature. Do you think it’s worthwhile? What kinds of questions would you like answered?

Just to be clear: Pumpkin does not read yet, and I’m not claiming she does. But for more than a year, she’s been a “reader” of National Geographic magazine and its companion, National Geographic Kids, thanks to a generous gift from her Pop Pop. Both I and her dad have been enjoying the articles and Pumpkin has been loving the photos. Plus, I’m saving the magazines for when she’s old enough to understand the stories and try the activities.

So, as a fan of National Geographic, I was very interested to learn about its new Web site for kids that went online this month. I checked it out today. It’s designed for young children and ’tweens and features games, activities and videos.

While there were some cool ideas under activities — I particularly liked the instructions for making your own terrarium and lava lamp — I was, to be honest, a little bored. There were lots of buttons to click on, but that was actually the problem — everything you wanted to do seemed to involve multiple menus.

And, most of all, I missed my favorite part of National Geographic — the fabulous photos. I was happier when I found a link to the great photo library at National Geographic’s main Web site. If you have kids who love animals — like Pumpkin does — you’re better off heading straight to the photo library, where you can select from a huge variety of animals and view large photos and even download wallpaper. (I love the photo of this baby seal.)

Another disappointment: The video on both sites was very slow to load and was jerky when it did play. (It’s not a bandwidth issue on my end since I have a cable Internet connection and don’t have similar woes at other video sites.)

I’m wondering anyone has a favorite educational Web site you’d like to share with the rest of us. Is there somewhere your child goes that he or she is just in love with — and that you approve of, too?

I’m writing a story about a Web site called BrainPOP, which was started by a Bedford resident and doctor named Avraham Kadar. This site is tremendously popular in schools, where millions of kids watch animated movies about everything from the brain to solar energy to Elvis Presley. What’s especially neat are the topical videos that help children understand current events. The video on the Asian tsunami was the company’s most viewed video ever, Dr. Kadar told me. There’s also a math video on the Fibonacci Sequence, which will actually mean something to people who’ve read “The Da Vinci Code.” And in March, in honor of women’s history month, there are videos about Maya Angelou, Frida Kahlo, Anne Frank, Marie Curie, Amelia Earhart and others.

I’d love to talk to parents about their children’s reaction to BrainPOP as well as teachers about using the videos in the classroom. Shoot me an e-mail at jalterio@lohud.com if you’d like to be interviewed for my story.

Who is your child’s role model?

You’re probably thinking it’s some sports legend or some other celebrity, right? Or maybe someone in history? Not even close.

According to a study released this week by the American Bible Society, nearly 68 percent of 12- to 18-year-olds believe their parents are their most important role models. That’s right: Hurray for Mom and Dad! More than 1,100 children took part in the survey, which was conducted by Weekly Reader on behalf of ABS.

The most important qualities that the kids said they look for in a role model? Honesty, integrity, loyalty and truthfulness. That should make parents proud.

After parents, other role models the kids chose include teachers and coaches (40.6 percent), siblings (40.4 percent), religious leaders (18.7 percent). Athletes and celebrities each came in at under 20 percent! So there, Michael Jordan!

It’s good to see that we’re appreciated—particularly by those who matter most to us.

Who do you think your children’s role models are? You? Some other friend or relative? A celebrity?

When it comes to food, my boys are as different as night and day.

My 13-year-old will try just about anything. He likes sushi, curry goat, jerk chicken, most greens and just about any kind of fruit.

My 8-year-old sums up his palate this way: “I eat what I like, Mom.” He actually said this on Friday as he ate a Coney Island burger (burger with barbecue sauce and bacon – the bacon has to be on a separate plate) at Brooklyn’s Famous Subs and Pasta in White Plains. That’s about as far as his gastronomical repertoire expanded. Until Saturday, that is.

On a foray to Nyack, my husband and I decided that we were going to have a Saturday afternoon lunch that didn’t feature anything that came on a bun or cut into eighths. We ventured to the “Thai House”:http://www.thaihousenyack.com/, a delightfully cozy place that was obviously once a diner. There, my 13-year-old studied the menu, asking about Pad Thai, duck and other dishes. My 8-year-old seemed initially content with water.

Now don’t get me wrong: My younger son isn’t a complete food Neanderthal. He LOVES Chinese food. Well, he thinks he does. Basically, he eats fried chicken wings and fried rice. Just like they make in old Shanghai. Right.

We chose Thai, thinking that seeing some rice on the plate would encourage him to try some other foods. You’re now thinking, “Ha! Fat chance.” You’re wrong! He actually loved the sauteed jumbo shrimp, chicken, pork, snow peas and broccoli, cauliflower in garlic sauce, along with the Thai-style fried rice. And he gobbles up the wontons and spring rolls. He ate baby corn! And asked me to buy some for dinner this week!

So the introduction to something different went well, this time.

How do you introduce new foods to your kids?

I know, I know: It’s only two days after the debut of 2007. But in the land of parenthood—particularly in these parts—it’s high time to start planning for summer camp.

I know plenty of you are reading this right now and are saying, “Oh, pooh. Gayle’s crazy.” Oh? Am I? All I know that is that camps do indeed fill up and it’s possible that your little angel might have to settle for your second or third or – horrors! – FOURTH choice. To avoid that, you might want to start paying attention to the camp scene, even though your Christmas tree is likely still up. (Yes, mine is.)

Here’s a starting point: There’s a Camp Fair scheduled from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Sunday, Jan. 28 at the Westchester County Center in White Plains. (Where the Bronx River Parkway, Central Avenue and Route 119 all intersect.) They’ll have reps from day camps, sleep-away camps, sports, science, computer, arts and music camps—just about anything your child might want. You can actually talk to the directors, counselors and sometimes, even former campers. Bring your kids, too, so they can point out what kind of camp they might be interested in.

Admission is free and parking is $4. For more info, please call 914-995-4050.

What are you planning to do with your children this summer? Or do you think I’m totally nuts to be making plans this early?

While plenty of parents are spending lots of time deciding what presents to shower upon their little ones this month, there’s a bigger issue looming in my head: What to buy the teacher/bus driver/caregiver/baby sitter.

Typically, I try to secure these gifts first, because: 1. These folks are very important in my sons’ lives and 2. They’re often the hardest to buy for, mainly because I don’t know them personally.

Each year, other parents and I trade ideas about what kinds of gifts to get. Bath stuff? Calendars? Cutesy teacher knickknacks? Food baskets? And each year, I quiz my kids, hoping to learn something new about the adults in their lives: “Does Mr. H. like basketball?” “Does Ms. A. ever talk about taking a bath?” “How does Mrs. R. feel about mugs?” As you might imagine, this line of questioning produces no useful information.

Next, I turn to the advice of my friends who are also teachers. I’ve asked them what kind of gifts they like to receive. One friend, who has taught preschool for nearly 20 years, says she has more than enough “No. 1 Teacher” mugs and bath products that she’d rather not use. Her favorite gift? A gift card. While I think that’s a great—and easy—gift, it’s just not personal enough for me. Plus, I like my boys to have some say in choosing the present too, and simply forking over my cash doesn’t require much effort from them.

My husband, he of the “Old School,” doesn’t believe in all the teacher gift hubbub. He says his mother never spent a moment wondering what to buy his teachers and he finds all my discussion and worrying about this completely unnecessary.

But the fact is, I am definitely grateful for all of the people who care for my children when I’m not around. And I’d like to thank them at this time of year.

What kinds of gifts do you give to your children’s teacher/caregiver/bus driver/baby sitter? Share your ideas here.

While driving to pick up my middle-school son from school one evening, I saw something that took me back about 25 years. And it was a good thing.

In the courtyard outside the school were a group of teenagers, blasting a song from a car radio. All at once, they pulled the car over and jumped out and in unison, they began doing a dance together.

It made me stop in my tracks. And smile. They were dancing to “Chicken Noodle Soup,â€? a rap/song by D.J. Webstar featuring Young B that is making its way around the way these days. It’s a cute ditty and there’s an even cuter dance to go with it. I’m glad to see it. I’ve even taken to doing the dance with my boys, which induces fits of hysterical laughter.

“Chicken Noodle Soup” has brought me back to days of The Hustle, Bus Stop, Penguin and other dances that my friends and I did as kids back in the Bronx. Nice dances. Clean dances. Dances that wouldn’t get you grounded just for performing them.

The kids dancing outside my son’s school seemed to just be having fun, just like the kids in a performance on Black Entertainment Television, which you can see “here.”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuoxlAMxjIc

My son and his friends were at a party recently. It was supposed to be a “dance” party for seventh graders, except no one was really dancing. In fact, the boys and girls were barely talking to each other. But when “Chicken Noodle Soupâ€? began to play, they all jumped up and did the dance—together.

So the song can not only bridge the gap between the sexes, it’s also a nice bridge for parents who remember how much fun it was to dance as kids.

In just a few weeks, school — and our well-worn, comfortable routine —will begin again.
Except this year, my middle-schooler won’t be going to the YWCA at the end of the day — his after-school haven for the past seven years.

He has, at the ripe old age of 12,  “aged out� of after-school care. Which means he will now have to come home — alone — after school.
He’s pretty cool with this. His dad is pretty cool with this. His mom is a little concerned.

Slowly, we began weaning him from after-school care last year. He had so many afternoon clubs and other activities that he often didn’t make it there. But still, we knew we had that safety net. And still, we will have that program to rely upon for half-days and snow days, which is really a blessing.

Our son plans to join some sports teams at his new middle school, which is a good thing. Should he make the teams, that could occupy at least a few of the hours until my husband and I get home from work. But on the clubless, sportsless days, he’ll be at home, alone.

We’ve already drilled him on the routine, which he followed this summer, when he came home — alone — after day camp: Walk in, lock the door, call Mom or Dad and let us know you’re in. Keep the door locked. Don’t answer the phone unless it’s us or another family member. No cooking. And if you need anything immediately, call our neighbor, whose number is posted near the telephone.

He was good at following the rules and we had no worries, except for the day he fell asleep and didn’t hear the telephone ringing, which hastened my trip home from work. He even stayed inside one afternoon when some friends came to our yard and began playing basketball. He called to ask if he could join them, but I told him to remain inside. And he wasn’t to open the door, even if one of them needed to use the bathroom.

Overall, we think he understood the seriousness of being home alone. And while I’m mostly sure that he’s up to taking care of himself for about two hours each day, I’m still hesitant. It’s a big step, for sure.

When do you think is the right time to leave children home alone? And how do you know when your child is ready for the responsibility?

There’s a lot to be said about school uniforms. Ask most kids about them and you’ll probably get a look as if you offered them a plate of beet-and-prune casserole. But parents, we can go on and on about how uniforms can simplify weekday mornings, make everyone feel equal, and take students’ minds off whether to rock Rocawear or Mecca.

A friend is going through this right now, as her 14-year-old son prepares to enter a high school where he’ll be required to wear dress slacks, a polo shirt and shoes — REAL SHOES — every day.

The mom reminds him about how blessed he is to be able to go to such a school. He’s stuck on not being able to wear his sneakers and jeans and he thinks this school choice will ruin his life.

I can understand both sides. In the 1970s, I attended a freewheeling Montessori school in Mount Vernon that was long on learning, but short on convention. We sat on the floor, worked at our own pace and wore whatever we wanted.

Imagine my horror when I graduated to an all-girl Catholic high school in the Bronx, complete with uniforms! Sure, my parents gave me the same speech (a privilege to be there, great education, yadda yadda), but all I could see was a sea of stiff, ugly pastel dresses with rounded collars. Hardly a fashion statement for teenage girls.

It wasn’t until my senior year that I understood the value of uniforms. As seniors, we were allowed to wear our own clothes on Fridays. What a nightmare! Planning an entire outfit that kept within the school’s dress code and was also stylish wasn’t easy. And don’t even think about wearing the same outfit two Fridays in a row. It almost made me want to just ditch the whole idea and wear the uniform on Fridays. But you could NEVER do that, lest anyone think that you were lacking in cool clothes.

What are your thoughts about uniforms? And does anyone have advice for this mom?