Bring it on. My kid’s 10 and I figure it’s high time he got his first rock concert under his belt. After all he’s a little metal head like his dad, and is pretty crazy about Green Day and My Chemical Romance. I’ve even gotten him into Black Sabbath and Radiohead.

But, aside from his recording-artist uncle, he hasn’t really been to a live show yet. We’re changing that.

How to start? My first criteria was that he fare better than I did for my first concert. I was in seventh grade and they gave out promotional tickets for the old Westchester Premier Theater. The performer was country-crooner-turned-casino-act Mac Davis, with comedian Gabe Kaplan — in his pre-Welcome Back Kotter days — as the opening act.

It got better after that. Linda Ronstadt was next, and before you knew it it was Santana, the Allman Brothers, Kiss, etc. By my last year of high school, we were at the old Palladium on 14th Street almost every weekend, watching everyone from Van Halen to Twisted Sister, and whoever else showed up to play that day.

Now it’s my son’s turn. And it’s just going to be our own thing, as the other half of our blending family — my girlfriend and her little boy — will hold down the homefront for the night. For the two of us, I think it’s good bonding time in a “coming-of-age” kind of way, although I suspect other divorced and single parents do these kinds of things as some sort of compensation for time lost or something. To me, it’s really just a great thing to share with my son.

So, the first thing I sought in planning it was advice. The Family Education website offered a list of suggestions on what to keep in mind in such a situation. Some of it was common sense, some of it was silly. But it was advice nonetheless.

The next step was, where to go? I actually considered the Van Halen show at Madison Square Garden tonight. But the Garden was never great on acoustics, is kinda big, and it’s hard to get close to the stage. Besides, decent tickets for this show would’ve run me about $300 a pop. So, that was out. As it is, I had just missed a golden opportunity to take my boy to the Garden: My Chemical Romance wrapped up their tour there on May 9, about one week before I got the rock concert bug in my head. Smaller venues were okay, but they’re mostly just glorified bars which are fine for me, but not for a 10-year-old.

Ultimately, I narrowed it to three sites, including the Beacon Theater and the Jones Beach Theater. The third was Radio City Music Hall, and that’s where we’re headed. That’s not to say that we may not pick up additional shows at Jones Beach or the Beacon later this summer.

Finally, what show to catch? Here’s what we picked: Ringo Starr’s All-Starr Band at the end of next month. I mean, the guy’s a former Beatle, has fun on stage, and puts together a fun group of musicians every time he comes around. This year he’s playing with, among others, Edgar Winter, Billy Squier and Colin Hays from Men at Work. My son loves Winter’s classic, “Frankenstein,” and the rest of it will be kind of a trip for me, since I listened to some of those guys in my teens and 20s.

There are still all these tiny worries dancing around my head, from the show running too late, to someone blowing smoke in his face all night, to drunken behavior around us — all relatively minor issues to me in the larger scope of things. Mostly, I’m kind of excited myself to see any kind of show after several years without one.

So, how’d I do? I gotta think it’s gonna be a thrill for him to just be at a show, let alone for someone legendary like Ringo. I still have it in me to take him to something more hard-edged down the line, and particular would love one guitar hero or another, as my son is learning to play. But, for now, we’ll see how it goes with the Beatle.

Friday was the big night out for my son — his school dance.

This was my son’s second dance, coming on the heels of last year’s fourth grade gala. The fifth-grade version wasn’t much different, except that I have learned to be less intrusive. That is to say, the first time around my ex and I were both there, and she kept prodding him to go and pick a girl to dance with. Not sure what we were thinking, because I wasn’t exactly love-struck at his age.

This time around I was on my own, so I backed off and let him do his thing. I noticed that I was one of the few solo parents there, and actually felt like something of an outcast being a single parent. That’s something that rarely happens with me, so it was an odd sensation. One of the other parents — who I actually went to school with years and years ago — spent a bit of time telling me about his storybook marriage and the splitting of parenting duties he and his wife are able to do: His wife took their son to a Boy Scout event the same night, so he escorted his daughter to the dance. I didn’t take offense, but I wondered why he felt it necessary.

Either way, I did my own thing, and watched from the wings with great amusement. My son, to his credit, stood in the crowd and danced his butt off pretty much  all night. At that age, they’re not necessarily looking for girls to dance with. The girls themselves nearly all dance — again on their own or with other girls. There’s just a real gender divide at this age.

Looking around that room, I wondered when that will start to change. He had his first kiss in kindergarten, and was quite popular with two girls in first grade. By second, he showed less interest, to the degree that now he couldn’t care less if a girl showed interest. So when does that change? I’m sure by high school it’ll be THE issue, over what girl or other he likes or likes him.

In the meantime, I’m good with standing in the wings and watching him do his own thing. As for being one of the few solo parents in the crowd, I’m good with that too. My boy seems okay with it.

Is it that time of year already?

Seems to me that every year my ex and I do this vacation juggling act with our son: Who gets him which week, who has to compromise their plans, who put in for a particular week first, and so on and so on. Frankly, it’s when our amicable custodial agreement is most tested.

This year, my girlfriend and I have plans to head south to spend a week at a beach resort with our two boys, although our departure is delayed one day because of a scheduling conflict with my ex. My ex, meanwhile, has to interrupt her week away to drive back and drop my son off for my scheduled weekend with him. Well, it happens. We’ll work around it. The real tricky part comes with the bartering for weekends. It’s inevitable that we have to swap our weekends for this or that three-day getaway: I want to fly out and see my brother and my nephews on her weekend; she wants to extend her vacation by keeping our son over my weekend.

Let the negotiations begin!

We always end up working it out, and have somehow managed to keep our post-divorce friendship intact. But it leaves me wondering if there isn’t a system we could put into play, or some process that would make this whole juggling act function more smoothly in years to come, particularly as it’s not just the two of us that are affected by our scheduling: There’s her husband and his son, and my girlfriend and her little boy — our blended family. Everyone is potentially inconvenienced if it tips the wrong way.

So, does anyone have a fool-proof formula for this stuff?

I’m a little confused.

One of the things we have been adamant about teaching our boys is good manners. This is something my mom drilled into my brother and myself since we were young, and something I’ve always taught my own child. My girlfriend is the same with her boy, and we both insist on good table manners and polite behavior.

So why do I feel like we’re in the minority? It can’t be for lack of resources on this stuff. Five minutes online and I was able to track down several tip sheets and suggestions for teaching your children manners. Some of the better ones include this web page as well as this other site on the same topic. So what’s going on?

Let me back up. We had two experiences this weekend that make me wonder if young people aren’t being taught manners:

On Saturday, we had a four-year-old birthday party for my girlfriend’s son. When it was time for pizza one of the little boys decided he wanted another boy’s chair, and pretty much muscled him out of it. I get it: He’s only four. But the boy’s father just watched, made one half-hearted suggestion that he not be so pushy, then let it go. The other boy burst into tears.  Poor parenting.

Then the following day, we went shopping at Target in Mount Kisco. We had to return some stuff, so went to the “customer service” counter. The young woman there puts out her hand for the receipt, turns her head to talk to someone else, then, when the receipt was in her hand, she immediately says she’s calling a manager because she doesn’t put up with customers being disrespectful. Huh? The manager comes, never apologizes and says he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Meanwhile, the young woman glares, the manager sees nothing wrong with it and suggests we go on our way.

Two varying encounters, one basic problem. In the first, a four-year-old needs to be directed toward good behavior, and it’s up to the parent to ensure that happens. Children learn from role models. Neither my son nor my girlfriend’s son would ever be allowed to behave that way. In the second instance, it’s an example of someone being raised without manners — let alone professional courtesy a young person needs to succeed in any industry, primarily the retail service industry.

To me, this is something kids should learn before they apply for their first job, whatever that may be. I know plenty of single and divorced parents who instill this in their children — it’s not heavy lifting. And, in our own blended family, it’s the rule.

But am I making too much of this? Or am I right to wish that our boys encountered good manners outside the home as well?

 It seems like it’s about time that I gave myself a blended family test. After all, my girlfriend and I have been working on this for quite some time now, and I wonder myself if I’m always doing my part as the two of us and our two boys build our new clan.

With that in mind, I went on the web and stumbled onto this online piece on making blended families work. Seems as good as any three tips I’ve come across. And what better way to rate my own performance?

So, here goes:

TIP 1: Both parents need to stop tooting their own horns. Each parent needs to give up the old ways of family and agree on a unified way that each agrees to for raising the children.

MY GRADE: This has been an adjustment for me, but I am increasingly open. One does get into parenting habits when you’re a single parent, and you tend to cling to them when they worked. So, shaking loose of that in a new familial setting takes some effort. I’m learning, or at least being more open to it. Grade: C

TIP 2:  Each parent and each of the children must learn to accept differences.

MY GRADE: Another adjustment for me, but one I was a tad more prepared for. I think I’ve generally done quite good on it, though. And my son has generally been a trooper, so some of that must rub off on me. Grade: B+

TIP 3: This new family will need to learn how to be courteous to each other.

MY GRADE: I think I’m generally pretty good on this one. Disagreements do at times breed discourteous behavior, and I’m a firm believer that a healthy disagreement now and again lets off some steam. Grade: B-

If I’m honest with myself I’d have to say that there are two major things I’ve learned, and need to heed more often. First, not to let things fester, no matter how minor they seem at the time; and, second, address the more sensitive issues at calm, stress-free times. Do I always take my own advice on these things? Probably not.

But, you know, this whole thing is a work in progress, and the fact that we talk about these things is a real plus. But I could honestly do better. I figure that gives me an overall C+ grade. Maybe next semester I can get up to a B?

 Mother’s Day can be a tad hectic for me. That’s simply because of all the mother’s around me, from my girlfriend, to my mom, to my ex, to my girlfriend’s mom, who will be visiting this weekend. I think I can skate with a phone call on a couple, but will have to put up on at least two of them. Heck, we may even want to get flowers for our neighbor, who we have become friendly with.

But I consider myself lucky, with all those moms around me. And it made my thoughts wander a bit to the single dads out there. The assumption might be that divorced dads with shared custody give up the weekend to their ex’s, much as you would expect a divorced mom to do the same on Father’s Day. Then I figure there are truly single dads raising the kids solo. What do they do?

No surprisingly, I wasn’t the only one tossing this around in my head. I came across a blog post on, of all places, the AdoptionBlogs.com website that addressed this very thing. In this case, the writer simply put the question to several dads and came up with this entry. It hardly addresses all scenarios, but it highlights my thinking that, based on their individual circumstances, Mother’s Day can be a radically different experience for the dads out there.

Any stories of your own?

One of the things that my divorce has accomplished for me is that it has created a very close bond with my son. That’s not to say he’s not equally attached to his mother. But, basically, we had a lot of time together when he was with me. I think that’s the nature of the circumstances that he was hurled into.

That’s kind of why I was intrigued when I came across an article in Science Daily about a study out of Penn State. The study suggests that divorce widens the gap between fathers and their children, compared to mothers. I think that says quite a bit about custodial outcomes from divorces, and the fact that mothers are predominantly named the custodial parent.

But one of the more striking findings was that, prior to divorce, 71 percent of the youngsters interviewed for the study reported being very close to their mothers, but only 57 percent said they were very close to their fathers. So I wonder, do fathers who develop a close relationship with their children before a divorce do a better job of keeping that alive after a divorce? Or is it out of our hands?

At least I’m saying so up front, which has to count for something.

Anyway, I did indeed steal this blog entry from one of my favorite single-parent bloggers, Rachel Sarah, who does the singlemomseeking blog. In a recent post, Rachel spoke with former Top Chef contestant Camille Becerra, a single mom who was bounced from the hit cooking show during last season.

Rachel’s blog post reveals that Becerra had to give up all contact with her daughter throughout her time on the show, including the little girl’s birthday. That’s an interesting proposition. So, as Rachel asks, is that something you’d be willing to do?

The more I search, the more I find.

As in more single-parenting websites. This is a particularly good one from David Mott, a West Coast dad who runs the Dad’s House blog. David is a divorced dad with half-time custody, and addresses everything from solo parenting to the single-parent dating scene and all the issues in between.

He tells me that his goal is to tell the world “that single fathers are perfectly capable of caring for children and running a household solo.” He concedes that his half-custody situation puts him in a different role than solo moms or single parents with full-time custody. But there is plenty of common ground in terms of dating, relationships and parenting concerns. He hits on all those and posts regularly.

“I’m sharing stories and opinions on online dating,” he said. “Also how to deal with things like the general lack of acceptance of a single dad by married couples, and things to do with your alone time. Interestingly enough, my blog has already opened some eyes to married readers who are now re-evaluating the father’s role in a household that has both parents. I’m all for men being more present with their children.”

I’m trying to be selective in the sites I add to my blogroll, and didn’t hesitate adding Dad’s House. The stories are always honest, often funny and consistently useful. And if you noticed, David has already begun providing his input on my posts here, which is valuable to the discussions we engage in.

As I like to say, check it out.

Looking for input on this one.

This is an issue that came up in a friend’s family, and I differ with my girlfriend and others on it. The scenario is this:  A 15-year-old boy was asked to go to the Senior Prom by a senior at the school. The parents know each other and the kid’s a good kid. He’s never been in trouble, very mature and the whole bit. The girl asked him, and he said yes.

Next, he told his mom, who said he could not go because he is too young to go to a Senior Prom. The boy never shared this with the girl, and told her he would be going. When the parents ran into each other, the boy’s mom found out he had not declined as she told him. So, he got grounded and will not be going to the prom either way.

The two issues are this: Is a 15-year-old boy too young to go to a Senior Prom? Secondly, should he have been grounded for defying his mother’s wishes and not telling the girl he wouldn’t be allowed to go? Frankly, I’m not sure how he would’ve pulled it off when the prom day comes around, but perhaps he hoped to convince his mother before then.

For the record, the parent here is in a traditional two-parent home, so it’s not a single-parenting issue. Of course, I always think of these situations as they would apply to single-parent or blended family homes, and I think that adds other potential elements. So, my third question is, does your answer to the first two questions change if I apply the situation to a single-parent household?

Anyway, what do you think?

Somebody’s got to stay home with the kid, right? That’s logical enough. But who misses a day of work?

A study last year by sociologist David Maume at the University of Cincinnati determined that moms are still significantly more likely to stay home than dads. Maume surveyed more than 1,400 parents and determined that 78% of women reported taking time off to stay home with a sick kid, compared to 28% for men. You can read more about the study in Science Daily.

The thing is that the study seems to have looked only at traditional homes, with mom and dad in the house. How does one handle the situation when they’re a single or divorced parent? Needless to say, this is a major problem if you solo parent. Unless there’s family nearby or a support group of some sort, you’re in a bind. And what are the rules on this in a blended family?

This has been on my mind this week because my girlfriend’s little boy has been battling the flu and hasn’t been able to go to his day care. She missed a couple of days, and her ex missed a couple and took him to his sister’s house for the day. Statistically, she ultimately takes more of those days on than her ex does, which seems to fit Maume’s study.

But at some point I wonder what my role is. I normally save my days off for when my son is sick, and juggle those with my ex. Is it my role as a stepparent figure to take off as well when my girlfriend’s son is sick? Or is that a responsibility that falls squarely  — and exclusively — on the little guy’s parents?

In the end I’m thinking gender isn’t all we should be looking at. Frankly, I’m thinking we need a new study.

Sometimes dad needs a helping hand. Well, here it comes, thanks to the United Way of Westchester and Putnam, and Family Services of Westchester. They’re sponsoring the New York Father’s Conference in White Plains on April 26th. It’s long overdue, I say.

The idea is to bring together dads from all walks of life — be they happily married, divorced, single, etc. — for a day-long program to provide advice, guidance and referrals. It features guest speakers that include Hugh Price, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution and former president of the National Urban League, as well as former NY Jet offensive back Bruce Harper, who is the co-founding director of the youth program “Heroes and Cool Kids.”

Russell Ross, senior vice president of community initiatives for the United Way, told me they’ve had similar conferences elsewhere in the past, including in Rockland County. But this is the first in Westchester County — and he hopes not the last.

“One of the things that we’ve seen in our research and talking to a lot of folks that are working with families is that dads don’t really have an opportunity to interact with each other and learn and kind of share,” he said. “Women and moms, they have their groups.”

Scheduled workshops are to address a number of issues, including wise discipline, balancing work, helping kids succeed in school, and staying connected as a non-custodial parent. You can check out the entire list and get more details on the United Way link for the program.

If you can’t get to a computer, call the United Way at 914-997-6700, ext. 702. But think about checking it out.

With spring break approaching, April is prime time for college hunting. You’ve got juniors in high school checking out colleges for the first time and undecided seniors who want one last look before making the final decision. I know from experience. My oldest son is a high school senior and we visited colleges intermittently from January 2007 to February 2008. Barring a big change, it looks like he’ll go to Stony Brook University, the biggest of the state school’s on Long Island.

With this in mind, I’m passing along some suggestions from the son of a colleague here at The Journal News/LoHud.com, Emily Kratzer. Her son, Russell Voss, who is finishing his junior year at a Hudson Valley college has a fresh take. It also provides a dose of reality for parents.

When you’re around the campuses, no matter what you are trying to find out about the school, keep in mind one simple and over-reaching idea: You will live here for four years. A few things to consider…

What are the dorms like?  Think of it this way: All the time you spend in your house when you’re not in school or at work, you’re going to spend that time in your dorm – with at least one roommate whom you’ve never met.

Dorms are small, smelly places, but some campuses do better than others. Be wary; Some schools squeeze a third student into rooms designed for two. My college says almost all freshman dorms are doubles, but with growing adminissions, most are home to a third student. Also note the location of vending machines, the ratio of bathrooms to people and the like. It doesn’t hurt to check out the bathrooms; you will need them. Look at how they’re laid out. Is there soap? Are there paper towels or blow-driers? Are there individual shower stalls, or is it communal like at the gym? Does it look like it gets cleaned ofen?

What are the school’s security policies? Is there a security guard at the main door of every dorm at certain hours? Do you have to sign in to visit friends in other dorms? My school has a reputation as fairly draconian for requiring students to sign in when they visit other dorms and also leaving by a certain hour. You may not think about it now, but you will spend a lot of late nights talking to people, and you won’t want to be thrown out. This also becomes important if you have friends who like to sneak in cheap domestic beer… not that I endorse that sort of thing… especially if it’s cheap domestic beer.

How close is the nearest chain drug store? The bookstore looks nice, but it’s highway robbery. A nearby drugstore usually will beat the school store on the price of many necessities and it probably has a better selection of ramen and soda. Speaking of soda, a lot of schools sign exclusive contracts with soda companies. My school is a Pepsi campus. Nowhere can you buy Coca-Cola. If soda brand is very important to you, keep an eye out.

How edible is the stuff they’re trying to pass off as food in the cafeteria? Until you move into a dorm with a kitchen, you’ll be forced to eat mass-produced mystery meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Some schools are good, others are not. Never ask your tour guide about it, they always say the food is good. The best way to find out is to venture out after the tour and try it.

Where’s the nearest good restaurant? Whether the cafe is good, bad or ugly, you will get tired of it and an affordable restaurant within walking distance is something you’ll pretty much kill for. Bigger colleges tend attract businesses like sandwich shops, casual restaurants, office supply stores, etc. Is there a mall nearby? A movie theatre? You will live at you school for four years; You will want to go off-campus to maintain your sanity.

Finally, a few questions to put your tour guide on the spot:

What nights of the week do people tend to go out to party?
What is the STD rate on campus?
Does the college provide students with condoms?

I’m sure you can think of more good questions.

As the mom of a daughter, I just had to take a moment to share a wonderful and pithy article I read on how pop culture sometimes ignores the potential for female heroes. NPR’s Peter Sagal, the host of the popular program “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” explains how in a great commentary. He went to see the new “Horton Hears a Who” movie with his three daughters and came out sputtering with irritation over a new plotline that involves the mayor of Whoville’s son — but ignores the mayor’s 96 daughters.

Here’s a quote from Peter’s essay:

And there’s this — not only does the movie end with father and son embracing, while the 96 daughters are, I guess, playing in a well, somewhere, but the son earns his father’s love by saving the world. Boys get to save the world, and girls get to stand there and say, I knew you could do it. How did they know he could do it? Maybe because they watched every other movie ever made?

We got into the car outside the cinpeplex and I was quite in lather, let me tell you. How come one of the GIRLs didn’t get to save Whoville? I cried.

“Yeah!” said my daughters.

“And while we’re at it, how come a girl doesn’t get to blow up the Death Star! Or send ET home? Or defeat Captain Hook! Or Destroy the Ring of Power!”

How could you forget about your kid? Well, that’s what cops are saying happened in White Plains this weekend.

According to the story filed by my colleague Rich Liebson, city officers spotted a 2-year-old boy sitting alone in the back seat of car on Sunday, then waited. And waited. Ten minutes later, the boy’s 25-year-old dad came back and, when questioned, told officers that “he forgot his son was in the car.”

The guy was charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a misdemeanor, and the kid was turned over to his mom. You can read Rich’s entire story in The Journal News or on LoHud.com tomorrow.

Obviously, your heart goes out to the kid if the charge is proven to be true. If this is any indication of the father he’s going to have, there’s just some painful times coming for him. To paraphrase the old saying, you need to apply for a license to go fishing, but any screw-up can have a kid for free.

You can only hope the boy’s mom is more on the ball.